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The kids don’t rush to her, both too eager to play in the park. This makes me feel a little bit smug. At least she hasn’t fooled them, not yet anyway.
Nathan doesn’t go to embrace her either. They share a few words. She smiles at him warmly and places a hand on his arm. He shifts away, clearly uncomfortable with the contact.
This is insane. Why is she back in his life? What does she want from him?
I feel like a crazy stalker as I watch them interact, trying to build the courage to let them know that I’m there. Should I? Or should I just let them have their hour and then approach Nathan later?
Tears fall from my eyes as I try to figure out my reasoning behind all my choices and all of his.
“What am I doing?” I ask myself and slam the palm of my hand onto the roof of my car. As I pull the door open and climb back in, I hold tightly to the steering wheel until whiteness bleeds into my knuckles. Putting the car in gear after turning the key, I give one last glance to the man I thought I knew. Unfortunately, as if my scent carried on the wind, Nathan whips around and his startled eyes hit mine. I see them fill with regret and panic but I don’t linger.
“Gwen!” I see him mouth and take a step in my direction.
I should drive away but I can’t find the courage to, so instead I wait for him to reach my car. He pulls on the handle as I keep my eyes ahead on the children. That vile bitch is watching us, her face twisted with faux concern.
“Open the door,” Nathan orders softly.
I wind the window down instead, still refusing to look at him.
“I can explain but I need to get back to the kids.” When I don’t look at him, he reaches through the window to guide my face in his direction. I pull away; his fingers against my skin feel poisonous. “Baby,” his plea is a mournful whisper. “I’m sorry.”
“I know,” I murmur and put the car into gear. “So am I.”
“Why are you sorry?” He leans forward so as to see me better and I lean sideways so as to avoid him better.
“Because I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you for this.” Tears fall and a sob tears its way up my throat, clogging it with a lump I just can’t swallow.
“I…” He presses his forehead to his hands that rest on the empty window frame. “I’ll get the kids and meet you at home.”
“No,” I snap, shaking my head, my eyes on my beautiful babies racing around the park with such joy. His mum stands off to the side looking awkward and too formal for a park. She looks suited for a wedding party, not a muddy play area. “I’ll get the kids.”
“The car seats are in my car; it makes no sense to swap it all over when I’m going straight home to you,” he implores, his voice low and soft.
I nod my agreement, still avoiding eye contact. As much as I want to snatch my children away from this situation, it wouldn’t be good for them.
He backs up, still staring at my profile before turning and calling for the kids. When he stops to speak to his mother and points at the car, I see her place a hand on her chest. Whatever she says has Nathan shaking his head and pulling away as she reaches for him. She looks over at me and the glare she throws my way is pure poison, so I raise my middle finger and smile sardonically at the stuck-up bitch.
I also don’t leave until Nathan has my kids back in the car and is taking the lead home. I never should have let it get this far. It’s unfair that the kids are now suffering because of us. They’ll forgive me when I pull out the craft box. I hope.
My home seems such a soul sucking place as I walk through the door with Emily in my arms. Nathan and I haven’t spoken and we don’t speak as we cross the threshold and place the children in the living room. As silently promised, I pull out the baby safe craft box and smile when they cheer with glee.
Nathan waits for me in the hallway, his face a grim mask.
“You need to leave,” I demand softly, not meeting his eyes.
“What?” He breathes, his body stiffening immediately. “We just need to talk…”
“I don’t want to listen.” My whispered words fall from my mouth faster than tears fall from my eyes.
“Gwen…” His hands cup my face. I don’t push him away; I let him search my eyes. I want him to see the pain he has inflicted. “I’m sorry I lied.”
