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With more speed and power he keeps going, driving me over the edge more times than I can count. It seems to go on forever yet it doesn’t last long enough. Before I know it, he’s collapsing onto my back, crying out with his own release and I’m squirming beneath him, needing to breathe.
“Please don’t make me leave,” he whispers in my ear, keeping me pinned.
“Nathan.”
“Please. I can’t bear to be apart from you.”
He allows me to stand and turn into his open arms. They envelop me with so much love and warmth.
“I don’t trust you. You’ve hurt me too much.”
“I know,” he murmurs as he buries his face into my neck. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“I know.”
“I’ll give you the space you need for the time being.” He promises and kisses me gently. “Text me your work hours so I know when to come and look after the kids. I miss them.”
This breaks my heart. “They miss you too.”
“Also…” He bites hard on his lip, his eyes showing an internal struggle that I wish I could help him through. “Everything I said to you…I was angry and hurt.”
“I know.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
He sighs heavily as he tucks himself into his trousers. “Things are such a mess right now.”
“You can say that again.”
“It’ll get better.”
I nod my agreement. “It definitely will. I have faith.”
“Don’t ever lose faith in me.” He kisses me once more so sweetly and tenderly it leaves me aching for more. “Promise?”
I don’t promise because I never break a promise if I can help it. Instead I usher him out of our home and quickly text him my work dates.
Work…there’s a thing I’d like to avoid. I’m humiliated by the way Nathan reacted. I should have called Kerim the second he left. I shouldn’t have allowed Nathan to get away with such behaviour so easily.
I’m nothing but a massive screw up.
Nothing about the way I’ve handled this makes any sense, even to me. My love for him blinds me to the reality of all that is going on.
Sneaking into work with my head hanging low, I busy myself with tasks as far away from Kerim as possible. I’ve never been so mortified. He must think me such a burden.
Patience – Miss Hot and Cold as I call her – is being especially nice today and is keeping me occupied, as well as the rest of my co-workers. Kerim hasn’t acknowledged me which I’m grateful for and also not so much because I don’t know what he’s thinking.
Will he terminate our arrangement if he thinks my baggage might interfere with my work?
I’ll just have to show him that I love my job.
So I stay late, exhausting myself as we work together in amicable silence. Then I stay late the next night and the next. Nathan doesn’t question it and Kerim remains the same as always.
Maybe things will change for once.
I sure hope so.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“I’m coming this weekend,” my mum states. “I’ll be there on Friday.”
“Yay!” I’m so relieved but also I’m nervous about having to explain why Nathan isn’t staying here. I have yet to tell a single soul but it’s nobody’s business so I don’t plan on it. Now I guess that I’ll have to.
“I miss you all.”
“Me too. I’m sorry we haven’t been in touch; it has been so hectic.”
“Same here.” She yawns to confirm this. “How are things?”
Deep breaths. “Unfortunately, not great.”
“Oh dear, still rocky?”
“One could say rocky. I prefer the term… separated.”
“Separated?” Her voice squeaks and I’d laugh if I weren’t so tense. “What does that mean?”
“I wish I could tell you. He’s gone from the house but not from our lives.”
She’s silent for the longest moment before finally asking, “Was he cheating?”
“No, I wish.” I snort, shaking my head. “I can’t really talk about it. Just know that I feel as though it’s right.”
“I’m here; you know that?”
“I do. As am I.”
“Thank you.” She sighs heavily. “I’m so sorry, babe. I know you love him.”
My eyes burn. “I just wish he loved me the same.”
“I’m sure he does.”
I don’t respond because she wouldn’t understand without knowing the full story. My words are true though; if he loved me the way I love him, he wouldn’t hide things from me.
There’s a gentle knock at the door. “Mum, I’ll call you back.”
“Okay, no rush.”
As I’m walking to the front door, I hang up the phone and peer through the peep hole.
“What is she doing here?” I hiss as my hands begin to tremble. The adrenaline is rushing through my body already and I’ve not even come face to face with her yet.
She knocks again, just as gently as before, knowing I’m home no doubt because my car is across the way.
“Get some balls,” I tell myself and then yank the door open. “I’m not interested.”
