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“Who’s hungry?” Nathan asks as Dillan dangles from his back, arms tight around his neck.
“I need to make cake.”
“Why don’t I go and pick us up some lunch?”
Smiling I admit, “That does sound good.”
He leans in and kisses my cheek. “I’ll take the brat; he’ll only cry if I leave him with you anyway.”
“True.”
“Daddy’s boy.”
He returns before long with a bag full of food and a sleeping Dillan resting on his shoulder.
“Bless him,” I whisper and take the bag. “Go and settle him.”
“And then we’ll talk?”
I nod and smooth a hand over my baby boy’s hair. “And then we’ll talk.”
Before he leaves the kitchen he turns and says, “That smells wonderful, by the way.”
“Right?” I grin, looking to the oven where my cake is rising happily.
When Nathan steps back into the room I bite hard on my lip and speak. “Before we get into the heavy stuff, I… I need to tell you something.”
“Go on.” He eyes me warily, cautiously, and remains poised only a foot from me.
“Two nights ago when I stayed late to make Tommy’s cake.”
“The one you dropped?”
Nodding, I continue, “Kerim…” Fuck, this is hard to say. I avert my eyes. “You were right about Kerim wanting more than I thought he did.”
“What?” He hisses dangerously and his hands fist by his sides.
“Please don’t make an issue of it.”
“An issue of the fact another man, a friend, has shown his true intentions to my wife?”
Oh dear.
“What exactly happened?”
“He kissed me.” I think back to the forcefulness of his mouth on mine and then I shudder at the memory with guilt. “And for less than half a second I may have reciprocated.” He freezes, his face paling, so I quickly add, “It was the surprise of it and I’m not kidding – it was only for a split second.”
“Half a second or a second?” He barks, shaking with anger.
“Does it matter?”
“I suppose not.” His tone is biting, furious. “And then you pushed him away?”
“Of course!” I duck my head to catch his eyes that are looking down as he tries to collect himself. “I’m not interested in Kerim. I would never hurt you like that either.”
His lips thin to a white line and then my heart soars when he pulls me into his chest and mutters, “I believe you.”
“Thank you.” Is he finally learning to trust me? “I don’t know what to do.”
“You won’t have to do anything,” he says softly and rests his chin atop my head.
This makes me question, “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know.” He pulls away and lets out a sad breath. “You’re not really mine anymore, are you?”
“That’s a difficult question to answer.”
He nods once, looking as if he knew exactly what I’d say. “I do trust you. I know you think I don’t, but I do.”
“I know you think you do but you don’t.”
“Can’t we have some things separate from each other? Do we have to be forthcoming with every small detail?”
“Not at all.” I place my hand on my heart. “I’m not that unreasonable.” He tries to speak but I raise my hand to silence him. “But suddenly getting into contact with your mother and involving our children isn’t a small detail.”
“Fair point.” He rubs his face with both hands and sighs. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t want to keep hurting you.”
“Then don’t.”
“It’s not that easy when what you need from me isn’t something I can give.”
“Why though?” I grab the sleeve of his shirt, desperate for him to give me more than that. “Why can’t you?” When he doesn’t answer I give his shirt a tug. “I’ve been indebted to you since the fire.”
His look is questioning.
“I’ve let you walk all over me, Nathan.” I whisper, looking away. “The things you’ve hidden, the way I’ve responded… I’ve essentially been enabling your behaviour because you literally almost died for me.”
“You don’t owe me anything.”
“I know, but I felt as though I did so I’ve been letting you lie. I’ve been letting you treat me badly because I thought I didn’t deserve better.” I explain softly. “It’s not going to be like that anymore. You can’t treat me how you have been anymore. The jealousy, the mistrust, the lying…”
He nods solemnly. “I know I’ve been a bit intense lately. I’m really trying.”
“I hope so, because it’s not fair. I’m not completely blaming you for everything. I should have listened to you about Kerim. I didn’t trust your judgement and for that I’m sorry.”
“Your cake,” he states, hiding any emotions from my view.
“Shit,” I hiss and dart for the oven. I pull the cake from it just in time. It looks perfect but only time will tell if it is or not.
“Stop cursing; it doesn’t suit you.”
“Sorry.” My heatproof gloved hands place the cake tin on the wire rack. Fingers crossed this one doesn’t end in disaster like the last one. “And I’m sorry that I kind of kissed him back. It wasn’t because it was him… I don’t know how to explain it any more than I know why I did it.”
