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“It’s okay; you’re confused and under a lot of stress right now. We both are.” I feel his heat against my back as I stare at the cooling cake.
“Why are you being so nice to me?” If the shoe was on the other foot I’d be going insane, despite how irrational it may be.
“Because I don’t want to lose you. I promise I’ll do better. You’re right… about everything. I feel terrible.”
Wow.
I can hardly breathe. His words have made me weak.
He kisses the curve of my neck and moves away. “May I stay a while longer?”
“Of course.” I finally turn and tilt my head at my kind of fiancé. “Stay as long as you need.”
“I need forever.”
“One step at a time, okay?”
He grins, though it’s a mixture of sadness and amusement. “Understood.”
“Well at least you understand something I say.” I jest and he answers by pinching my hip and pushing his lips onto mine. Is this a normal thing to do when separated? Who knows?
Chapter Twenty-Five
Nathan’s mum shows up at ten on the dot, holding a bag full of gifts for the children and even a new, beautiful hat and scarf set for me ready for the winter. I thank her and leave her to have some privacy with the kids. She has visited so many times now it’s getting easier and I’m starting to enjoy her company. The woman before me doesn’t resonate with the woman I once thought I knew. She’s so much more carefree, happy and seems to be almost at peace, though there’s a tortured look to her that I can tell she tries to Botox away. She’d deny it if I asked.
Nathan has moved back in and sleeps in Dillan’s room. I can’t trust myself with him in bed. Who can blame me? He’s a male God. His body is perfection, his love for me and his personality even more so.
As for work, I haven’t been in much over the past couple of weeks and when I have been in Kerim hasn’t been there or he’s been busy. Thankfully he hasn’t approached me about what happened and I’m hoping we can move past it without issue.
Nathan doesn’t want me to say anything to him but Sasha thinks I should get things squared out about it all and our possible partnership and my promotion. What worries me is that the partnership was a promise based on us sleeping together and now that’s off the table I’m out, which would mean I’m not as good as Kerim said I am.
This reality will devastate me. Devastate me.
The alarm on my phone rings, reminding me of my appointment at the doctors today. I’m booked in to get the coil, birth control, and I completely forgot. I should have set an earlier reminder.
“Damn it!” I hiss and twist my hair around one hand as I try to think about what to do. I could rebook but it’ll take at least two months and I can’t handle another day on this pill. It’s making me so ill. Why am I such a bone head?
“What’s wrong?” Patricia asks softly, placing her cup of tea on the side out of reach of the kids.
“I forgot about an appointment I have,” I wince, checking the time on my phone again. “Would you mind me calling an end to this visit a bit earlier than expected?”
She looks disappointed and I don’t blame her; she only just got here. “May I watch them for you? It would really be no bother.”
My heart hammers in my chest at the thought of it. I’m not sure I can, despite our numerous meetings.
“It’s fine.” She holds up her hand and gives me a reassuring smile. “I understand your reluctance. Maybe another time?”
“Would you… just hold on for one second. I’ll call Nathan.”
She smiles again and watches me exit the room. This feels all kinds of wrong and of course I’m scared but I also want to give her a chance. She didn’t ever physically abuse Nathan and she really does love the kids, I can tell. I wouldn’t make that mistake.
This is such a hard decision. What if I make the wrong one?
“Hey,” Nathan greets me, sounding breathless through the receiver of my phone. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m getting the coil today.”
“You are?”
“I completely forgot.” I lean back so I can see Patricia sitting on the ground with the kids, playing with their toy trains. “I could take them with me but…”
“But?”
“Your mum said she wants to look after them.”
He stops breathing as do I and then he whistles long and high. “That’s… I’m not sure I’m comfortable with that. What do you think?”
“That’s why I’m calling you.”
“How long will you be?”
“An hour, maybe an hour and a half.”
He makes a ticking sound with his tongue before replying, “She deserves a shot. Right?”
