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Ryan:Theodore. My dad’s name is Theodore Ryan Hutton, and I’m Ryan Theodore Hutton. My mom wasn’t a fan of having a junior but still wanted my dad included in some way. Speaking of names… what should I call you?
Danica:If you call me Tinsley, I will not respond. Danica or Danny is fine.
Ryan:Noted.
Danica:I’m assuming you don’t coach volleyball.
Ryan:Freaking Tristan. No, I do not. I’m the bowling coach for Summersweet High School, and I also teach Algebra.
Danica:Eeew, math. I think I just found the one thing I can’t stand about you.
Ryan:Only one thing? That’s encouraging.
Danica:Give it time.
Ryan:Sorry, I just have to get something off my chest. I have been an algebra teacher and the bowling coach since I graduated from college and moved back home. That’s ten years of Christmas newsletters your brother NEVER EVEN READ.
Danica:When I told Tristan I wanted to go by Danica now, he asked me where in the hell I got a stupid name like that from. Um, our parents. When I was born. He had no idea it was my middle name. Welcome to Tristan Hell.
Ryan:I even put a different Christmas border on it every year. I never should have listened to Shepherd and started using glitter last year. It probably turned some people off.
Danica:You’re just gonna have to let this go, man.
Ryan:Fine. But I’m going to think long and hard about sending him a Christmas card this year.
Danica:Of course you are.
Ryan:Next question. Who is your favorite person in the world?
Danica:Are you fishing for a compliment? I barely know you. At this point, you’re probably like… my 75th favorite person.
Ryan:I wasn’t fishing for a compliment, but now I’m curious. 75th favorite person out of how many?
Danica:76. You just barely made the cut above drunk David Hasselhoff. Do YOU have a favorite person in the world?
Ryan:It would have to be my grandmother, Dottie. She’s fearless and amazing. I’m sure you’ll meet her soon, whether you want to or not. She comes in like a wrecking ball… Heh, heh, see what I did there? Miley Cyrus. Wrecking ball.
Danica:It’s not as funny when you have to explain it, my friend.
Ryan:Whatever. My turn. After a long day, do you like taking anal?
Danica:*Where* exactly am I taking it?
Ryan:NOOOOO WHY DOES MY PHONE HATE ME??? Taking a nap, taking a nap, TAKING A FREAKING NAP! I swear I am not some perverted creep.
Danica:My God, man, your autocorrect is just failing you left and right.
Ryan:This is exactly why I prefer picking up the phone and actually calling someone.
Danica:I was on board with the fisting and anal, but my hard limit is talking on the phone. Now I’m definitely not comfortable with you.
Ryan:I think it’s best if I stop texting for the night. I’m just gonna go put my phone in the corner and make him think about what he’s done. Maybe scream into the void for a few hours.
Danica:That’s probably wise. See you in 5-7 business days.
