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Chapter 13
Ryan
“Fuck you, you fucking fuck.”
“Ohhh, you fuckedup,” Spencer whispers with wide eyes and a nod from the bar stool next to mine in my kitchen, making me feel even worse than I did before he got here.
“Gee, thanks,” I mutter while he takes a sip of one of the beers he brought with him. “I’m so glad I called you.”
I panicked as soon as Danny walked out the door and slammed it behind her, and I immediately called my best friend for advice. He showed up ten minutes later with a six pack and let me talk his ear off for the last hour. If I’m being honest, I actually started panicking right after I spun her around while we were dancing, and she ended up in my arms, pressed up against me.
Dropping my head back into my hands with my elbows resting on the counter, I let out a huge sigh, wondering if Spencer would punch me in the face if I asked him to.
“I can’t believe I let Tristan get in my head.” I scoff, wishing I wouldn’t have allowed the last two weeks of his incessant texts asking me how my talks with his sister were going, to completely ruin what I’m pretty sure was seconds away from happening. “I think she was going to kiss me again.”
That last part comes out of me on a choked whisper, because I still can’t believe it,orthat I completely screwed it all up, because I had to go and open my mouth. When I should have just opened it tofreaking kiss her again!The way she was looking at me, the way she didn’t move out of my arms and just pressed in closer to me, and how she was inching her face closer to mine… it all felt like a dream. I wanted it so badly I could barely breathe or think straight, and then Tristan’s stupid texts flashed through my mind. And for one second, justone tiny second, I doubted her and everything I learned about her since I met her.
And now all I can see when I close my eyes are the tears falling out ofherswhen she unloaded everything on me. She’s always so strong and confident, and it absolutely kills me that I did that to her. That I made her talk about something she probably wasn’t ready to talk about and relive all the hurt and pain her family has inflicted on her.
Every word she said, hearing all that heartache in her voice and seeing it on her face, felt like someone knocked the wind out of me, and I couldn’t get the words out to tell her how sorry I was for screwing up so badly. I just stood there and let her walk away from me, while she was hurt and upset, feeling like I betrayed her trust.
Because I did.
“What is this godawful shit you’re making me listen to?” Spencer complains.
Lifting my head from my hands, I glance down at Danny’s phone she left behind, still hooked up to the Bluetooth speaker and playing songs from her playlist. I feel a thousand times worse thatthisis the song that started playing when she walked out the door, and for some reason, it got stuck on repeat mode, playing nonstop for the last hour just to torture me.
“It’s ‘This is Me’ fromThe Greatest Showman.”
“Of course it is.” Spencer laughs. “You and your showtunes.”
“It’s Danny’s phone.” I roll my eyes, even though I have this entire album on one of my own playlists, and it’s one of my favorites.
Grabbing the phone and sliding it closer, I’m surprised to see it isn’t locked. I quickly hit pause on the song, knowing if I hear those lyrics one more time, I’m going to start crying like a baby. The house is immediately filled with silence for the first time since I got home from bowling practice, and I think I hatethateven more. I just want to go back, walk in the door again, and feel as good as I did watching Danny sing and dance around my kitchen like she’s always been there.
One of my favorite memories growing up was being in my room doing homework and then hearing the radio in the kitchen turn on. I always knew that meant my mom started dinner. I loved food as much as anyone, but that’s not why it’s one of my favorite things to remember. It’s when I would quietly make my way down the hall, stand in the doorway of the kitchen, and watch my dad come home from work. My mom would immediately grab his hands and make him join her. The two of them would sing and dance together around the kitchen like fools to whatever classic rock song the local radio station was playing, until they’d stop to kiss, which would gross me out and send me back to my room until I was called.
Even though things with my parents are a complete mess, and it’s probably time I stop putting their relationship on a pedestal, it’s still all I’ve ever wanted. Someone to come home to and to have fun with at the end of a long day. And I had it tonight, until I went and screwed it all up.
“I think you need to—”
Spencer stops mid-sentence when Danny’s phone chimes rapidly with a few incoming texts. Since I’m still looking down at it, I can see them flash across her screen. My self-pity party quickly slides to the back burner to simmer, while each text that comes through makes my anger grow. It builds, and it builds, swirling around inside me until it boils over and I’m seeing red, clenching my fists so hard my arms start shaking.
Tristan:You are such a bitch.
Tristan:I can’t believe how shitty you were to Dad.
Tristan:Do you even care about this family at all, or are you too busy fucking up your own life to worry about us?
Without even thinking about what I’m doing, I snatch Danny’s phone from the counter, click on Tristan’s last text, and quickly type a reply to him, from her.
Danny’s Phone:Fuck you, you fucking fuck.
I immediately hit Send and then smack the phone back on the counter, instead of hurling it across the room like I want to.
“Damn, son.” Spencer chuckles, leaning over to look at the screen and what I just typed. “I didn’t even know you could spell that word.”
“Son of a… craphole, shit-ass, damn!” I throw my head back and shout at the top of my lungs.
