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“I wish I could be more like you,” he speaks loudly over the rain hitting the pavement and everyone singing, making me let out a squeal of laughter when he quickly spins me around with one hand, kicking water up all over our legs as I go, then tugs me back to him. “I wish I could just not care what anyone thinks about me and do whatever I want.”
Wrapping one hand around the back of Ryan’s neck as he holds tightly to my other hand and blinking the rain out of my eyes as he sways us from side to side, I just shrug. “It’s not that I don’t care whatanyonethinks. I just don’t waste my time on people who don’t matter. I care what people Icareabout think… to an extent. Not at the risk of my own mental health or happiness. But the people who care aboutmeshould be able to accept me as I am. Flaws and all. Love me forme. Understand who I am, and what makes me happy, and just let me live my life however I want to, because it’smineto live.”
“You make it sound so easy.” Ryan smiles down at me, and I realize we’re not really moving to the music anymore; we’re just pressed up against each other, while everyone else dances around us, splashing in the rain, still laughing and singing.
“It is. Just don’t make it so hard.”
“Too late,” Ryan mutters, his arm tightening around my waist as he looks down at me, chest heaving while he breathes a little faster, making me wonder briefly if we’re still talking about the same thing.
“I feel like we’re in a high school Disney musical right now.” I laugh, looking around us at everyone having fun in the rain and pretty much shutting Summersweet Lane down with all the people out here right now, no room for golf carts to go by.
“I don’t believe the thoughts I’m having right now are suitable for a Disney movie.”
My head whips back around to look up at Ryan, blinking more rain out of my eyes so I can see him better, wondering if I heard him correctly. My heart starts pounding in my chest when his hand at my lower back curls into a fist, gripping the wet material of my dress in his hand like he’s not sure if he wants to tug me closer or push me away. He goes with the first option, pressing us together from our chests to our thighs, until my breath hitches when I feel him.
There’s no mistaking that hard bulge in his jeans, and I suddenly feel drunk as hell, even though I only had two beers at the bowling alley. My skin feels hot, my vision gets blurry, and this entire street feels like it’s tilting. I know Ryan is attracted to me, going by some of the comments he’s made and then gotten embarrassed by, like me being naked and wet in his shower. But feeling his attraction is a whole different ballgame, especially when he doesn’t even make a move to pull away, like he wants me to know what I’m doing to him.
I have never been so turned on in my life, and I hold my breath while he looks down at me, wishing on every damn raindrop that falls on us for him to kiss me already, but he doesn’t move. Neither one of us moves. We just stand in the rain, wrapped in each other’s arms and staring at each other while people sing and dance around us, until I want to scream from wanting his mouth on me so badly.
Reminding myself once again that I’m going to have to be the one to make the first move, I start pushing up on my toes and pulling on the back of Ryan’s neck to get him to bring his face closer to mine.
“Nope! Can’t do that.” Ryan laughs nervously and then suddenly lets go of his tight hold on me to take a step back.
Now, I reallydofeel like a sex-starved freak who keeps pushing this man to do something he clearly doesn’t want to. Most of the dates I’ve gone on, I’ve spent the evening pushing the guy away when he got too handsy or shooting down his advances because I wasn’t interested. Now,Ifeel like the asshole who just isn’t getting the hint, and his rejection feels like a hot knife being shoved into my stomach.
Right when I seriously think about throwing my head back and screaming in frustration, wondering what the hell I’m doing wrong, a loud clap of thunder booms overhead. The high school musical in the street quickly comes to an end, and everyone races back under awnings and inside buildings to take shelter again.
“We should probably make a run for it and head home. I think this storm might last a while,” Ryan says, grabbing my hand and tugging me back onto the sidewalk, so we can walk under the awnings toward his cottage.
“All this wetness just going to waste….”
“Did you say something?” Ryan asks, looking back over his shoulder as he quickly pulls me down the sidewalk, weaving in and out of people huddled in front of businesses.
“Nothing that matters.” I sigh, giving him a smile before he looks away from me again to watch where he’s going.
“I should probablyget us some towels.”
Ryan pauses at the other end of the entryway right before he stepped into the kitchen and turns back around to face me. I just nod at him, leaning my back against the door after I closed it behind us. We ran the rest of the way home from town, with Ryan’s hand tightly gripping mine, laughing through the pouring rain the entire way, and I’m still having trouble catching my breath. But now it’s less from jogging across town in heels through puddles, and more from the fact that we’re finally alone.
I’ve been on plenty of dates, and they’ve never made me nervous. But this is Ryan, and everything is different. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as him, and I’ve never felt more confused about how someone feels about me. No matter how hard I try, the butterflies in my stomach just won’t go away.
Kicking my ankle boots off and over to the side, I moan in relief when my toes aren’t being pinched by them any longer.
“Towels would be good. I’m so wet I’m dripping every… where…,” I trail off, wincing at my choice of words.
I honestly didn’t mean them in a dirty way this time. I was just stating a fact. My hair is plastered to my face, and I’m getting water on Ryan’s floor, but there’s no mistaking the low growl that comes out of him in the quiet house as his eyes trail down the front of my body, with my wet dress clinging to me. My skin instantly heats, and my heart starts pounding faster when Ryan takes a step toward me, then suddenly stops.
It’s dark in the house now that the sun has gone down, since Ryan only left the light from the range above the stove and a small lamp in the corner of the living room on before we left. But it’s enough light for me to see the storm raging in his eyes as he looks at me, competing with the one outside, when a flash of lightning coming through the windows momentarily brightens up the dim entryway even more. His chest is heaving with every breath he takes as he looks at me, with his wet shirt clinging to all of his muscles and water dripping off his hair and down onto his face. Time stands still while I wonder what the hell he’s thinking and what he’s going to do next. I’ve already made enough first moves, and I keep getting shot down. The ball is in his damn court now.
“Yep, towels,” Ryan mutters as his eyes finally meet mine, making no move to turn and go get them. Or come any closer to me.
I feel dizzy with his eyes on me, and I feel like I can’t catch my breath. I just want him to move, kiss me, touch me, dosomething.With my arms hanging down by my sides, I have to press my palms harder against the door behind me before I melt into a puddle on the floor along with the water dripping off me. My muscles are tense, locked tight in anticipation, until the silence and stillness between us becomes too much for me, and I can’t take it any longer.
“Why didn’t you kiss me?” I suddenly blurt out, wishing I could take the words back as soon as I say them.
I sound like I’m complaining and annoyed. Which I am. But I don’t want him to think I didn’t have a good time tonight. I had the best time I have ever had on any date. Right now, desperation is taking the lead and making all my decisions for me.
“What?” Ryan whispers, another flash of lightning brightening up the room, and a loud crack of thunder rattles the walls.
