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Chapter 21
Danny
“Romance the shit out ofhim.”
“Have I mentionedhow much I hate you a little bit right now? Tell me again about the bathroom sex at Ink City, and that thing he did with his fingers last Tuesday. I’m taking notes.”
I laugh at Melanie, tucking my phone between my ear and my shoulder as I grab a box of strawberry Pop-Tarts from the shelf and toss them in my basket. “You can hate me all you want for all the good sex I’m having. As long as you don’t hate me for skipping out on our morning coffee dates and not returning your calls.”
While Ryan was busy with a private bowling lesson this morning, I decided to run to the store and finally have a long overdue chat with my friend, instead of staring at the clock, counting down the minutes until he’s finished. I’ve spent the last twenty minutes while I walked the aisles of Summersweet Grocery telling her everything that’s been going on the last few weeks. Even though we’ve worked together at Wavy Lanes a few times since then, she’s always been too busy, and I’ve been stuck behind a giant draping of fabric Dale hung up in front of the wall I’m painting, to keep what I’m doing hidden until it’s finished. We haven’t had time for more than a quick “Hey, how are you?” Which was definitely not enough time to talk about everything that’s happened.
I’ve never had a girlfriend like this who I could spill all of my intimate details to, and I didn’t realize how much I needed someone like this in my life who wouldn’t judge me and would just encourage my dirty behavior. Honestly, I’ve never had good, intimate details like this to share anyway. I’ve had nothing but boring, missionary, faked-orgasm details before now, and I’m more than a little excited that I actually have something to brag about. Like waking up most mornings with Ryan’s head between my thighs, rousing me awake with his lips and tongue until I forget about screaming for coffee and just scream his name. Or coming up behind me while I’m staring at a canvas, frustrated and struggling to come up with an idea, and then slipping his hand into my shorts, whispering in my ear about how beautiful and talented I am, stroking my body with his fingers and my heart with his words until I believe them, the tension leaves me, and I can get back to work. Sex on the kitchen table in the middle of dinner when Ryan got turned on because of the way I licked my spoon. Him clutching my ass and ordering me to ride him harder on the couch whileGossip Girlplayed in the background. Finally giving him a blowjob that didn’t end with blue balls in the middle of a parade, listening to him shout curses, and feeling him lose control until his body shook with pleasure as he came down my throat in a storage closet at Wavy Lanes. Every intimate moment between us flashes through my head like the most epic porno, until I’m turned on in the grocery store, and side-eying the eggplants.
“It’sbecauseof all this good sex that I’m forgiving you for flaking out on me. I’m living vicariously through your vagina right now, since mine is growing cobwebs.” Melanie sighs as I slowly make my way down another aisle, trying to remember what all we need at home.
My feet stutter to a stop in front of the cereal, wondering when I stopped calling it “Ryan’s house” and started thinking about it ashome. I’ve completely forgotten I’m supposed to be waiting for a cottage to become available to rent, and I don’t even remember the last time I checked in with Stephanie at Sandbar Cottages. I just know that I’m currently hoping Ineverhear from her. I love Ryan’s house. I love the view, I love having a garage to paint in, I love waking up to Ryan hugging me to him in his sleep, I love seeing him off to work and telling him to have a good day, and I love being there to greet him with music and dancing when he comes home. I love having a person in my life who accepts me for who I am—messy, insane, mouthy, and all. A real partner who I can trust and share everything with. I love everything about being with Ryan, and I never want to leave.
“I think I’m in love with him,” I whisper, blindly grabbing a box of cereal and tossing it in my basket.
This isn’t exactly a brand-new revelation, but saying it out loud to another human being certainly is.
“Well, duh.” Melanie laughs through the phone. “You should tell him that.”
“I can’t tell him that. His dad hates me. He’s got a lot on his plate right now, and I don’t need to add to it and stress him out more.”
Just thinking about my first interaction with Ryan’s dad the other night makes me nauseous. Knowing Ryan has to face him later today makes me want to bend over right here in the cereal aisle and vomit up the scrambled eggs he made us before he left this morning.
“Why would you telling him you’re in love with him stress him out?”
“Because he’s Ryan!” I remind her, tossing a bag of his favorite trail mix into my basket. “He still looks in the mirror and sees a huge nerd who thinks he doesn’t deserve someone like me and doesn’t understand why I even like him. He’s always so surprised that I’m still here when he comes home from work, and he always makes these little comments like ‘I can’t believe you’re letting me do this’ whenever we have sex. It’s like he doesn’t believe me or trust that I want to be with him and that Ilikebeing with him.”
And that’s why I’m holding back. Because I trust Ryan completely and fully. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that he would never do anything to intentionally hurt me. But I don’t think he trusts me back in the same way, and that worries me.
“What time does he have dinner with his dad?”
“Four.” I sigh, pulling my phone back from my ear to check the time. Not only have I regaled Melanie with all the dirty details of Ryan’s and my relationship, but I’ve also told her about naked, pot cookie night on the beach. “He’s planning on telling his dad he doesn’t want to be mayor today. And he says he’s going to make sure his dad knows the changes he’s made in his life aren’t bad, and they aren’t my fault, and how much he’s going to adore me once he finally gets to know me, but I don’t know. What if his dad really does convince him I’m a bad influence on him? What if he regrets everything that’s happened between us, because it’s caused a rift between him and his father? I can’t get in the middle of family, Mel. Families are messy; we both know that. But Ryan has a good one. I don’t want him to have to choose between me and them, and I’m afraid that’s what it’s going to come down to. He’s still so afraid of disappointing his father, and he’s definitely already done that by being withme.”
“I’m pretty sure him not wanting to be mayor is going to make Ryan’s dad forget all about you and your supposed bad influence.”
“AndI’mpretty sure that man will still find a way to blamemefor it, even though Ryan’s been feeling this way since long before I got to this island.” I sigh again, grabbing a bag of his favorite sour dough pretzels and putting them in my basket.
I let the mayor thing slip when I was giving Melanie my tell-all of the last few weeks, but I know I can trust her. She knows how scared Ryan is about this decision and how much it’s been bothering him. Which just makes this ball of nerves in my stomach continue to grow. Ryan is throwing a lot at his father at one time, and I really don’t think it’s going to end well, no matter how much he insists it will be fine.
“You just need to remind him how awesome it is being with you, because you’ve done nothing but make his life better, and you’re a badass.” Melanie makes me laugh, which is always better than crying, and I quickly blink the stupid tears away that started blurring my vision as I made my way up to the checkout. “Didn’t you say he also keeps talking about how you deserve hearts, and flowers, and romance? Maybe he keeps saying that, because that’s whatheneeds. If you don’t want to say the words, you can at least show him how you feel. Dig down deep into the bowels of your black soul and romance the shit out of him. That way, when he goes to Daddy’s cold and disapproving house later, he’ll still have your love to keep him warm. And the memory of your warm vagina, because I’m sure you two can’t go even one day without banging.”
I’m laughing all over again and shaking my head, even though Melanie can’t see me. Until I’m suddenly not laughing anymore, and a lightbulb goes off in my head.
“Excuse me. Do you guys have any plastic tarps and duct tape here?” I ask a grocery store worker who walks by me.
“No, but the hardware store should.”
I thank the man and quickly get back in the checkout line.
“I said romance him, not set up a crime scene.” Melanie laughs, and I start making a mental list of other items I need to pick up before Ryan gets home.
“You do romance your way, and I’ll do it mine.”
“Fine.” She sighs. “If you need help moving a body later, I get off at eleven.”
