AllFreeNovel
Share Us
CHAPTER14
ISABEL
Istay locked away inside Ruslan’s condo for weeks. The only person that I see is Dr. Samuil and Zinaida, who is Osip’s wife. Before this, I didn’t know her at all, now I feel as if we’re on friendly terms. She is at least kind to me and makes sure I have food and company when she doesn’t have to.
But she won’t be able to hang out with me too much longer, because she is about to have a baby any day now. She doesn’t ask me about Ruslan, doesn’t mention him at all, and my heart hurts because I know that she talks to him… that she sees him. And at the least, she knows if he’s okay and where he is.
It’s late at night and for the first time since arriving here, I’m not exhausted. Turning to Zinaida, I give her a small smile.
“I never ask you anything, I don’t want you to feel as if you’re in the middle of anything, but is Ruslan okay?”
Her brows knit together, and she presses her lips together, but I can’t tell if she’s confused or doesn’t want to tell me anything. I start to tell her to just forget it, that I don’t need to know anything, but she speaks first.
“He doesn’t see you?” she asks.
Shaking my head slowly, I clear my throat. “I haven’t spoken to him in weeks. Not since I showed up at Rostam’s office and he carried me away.”
“Shit,” she hisses.
She doesn’t say anything else. I watch as she pushes herself up to standing, then waddles out of the living room and away from me. I don’t know where she’s going, but her phone is in hand as she makes her way to the back of the condo.
Turning my attention to the movie we had been watching, I try to focus on that and not my own pitiful life. Being with Azar was equally scary and depressing. What he did to me that last night was the worst thing I’ve ever experienced, but I would be a liar if I didn’t feel as though Ruslan’s rejection of me cut deeper emotionally than anything Azar did or could ever do.
A few moments later, once I’m lost in the movie, so it could be an hour later. I’m not quite sure. I hear someone clear their throat. Turning my head, I expect Zinaida to be there, but it’s not her, it’s Ruslan.
“Ruslan,” I exhale.
He doesn’t smile at me, his mouth is pressed into a thin line as he slowly sinks down on the sofa next to me. Wordlessly, we stare at one another. I think about asking him if Zinaida has gone, but I’m pretty certain she slipped out while I was engrossed in the movie.
“You think I don’t care for you?” he asks, finally speaking.
“I haven’t seen you in weeks,” I say. “But to be clear, I never said that. All I asked was if you were okay.”
“She meddles,” he murmurs. “You know that what happened to you, it was a lot for me to handle,” he exclaims.
I want to be a bitch. I want to tell him that it was a helluva lot for me, too, but I don’t. Instead of saying something rash and mean. Instead of telling him that it didn’t even happen to him, that it happened to me, I wait for him to speak.
“I understand what Azar did to you. He hurt you, but knowing that I was supposed to protect you and I couldn’t, it stripped me of my manhood.”
Lifting my hand, I reach across the sofa and cup his cheek. “Ruslan,” I breathe as tears fill my eyes.
I am glad that I didn’t pop off with something quick, too tempered and mean. I am glad that he’s telling me how he feels. I didn’t think that these men would do that, these men who live in the underbelly of society.
“I am not a man anymore, Isabel. I do not deserve you. I have been protecting you since you’ve been here, but I could not protect you from Azar. I could not stop him from hurting you the way that he did. I reacted.”
“You reacted?” I ask, keeping my voice low and calm.
“Quickly, harshly, and without an ounce of remorse.”
My eyes widen, my lips part slightly and I gasp at his words. I’m not sad that Azar is dead, which I assume he is by Ruslan’s words. Sucking in a deep breath, I blink back the tears that are in my eyes, and I slide my hand from his cheek to the side of his neck and hold it there.
“Thank you, Ruslan, and the last thing I ever want you to feel is that you can’t protect me. Because you can and you do. You will, forever. This was not your fault.”
He shakes his head once, his eyes searching mine. “Yeah, it really fucking was.”
“No,” I snap. “This was on Rostam’s shoulders. Not yours, never yours.”
He shifts forward, his mouth close to mine, and then he touches his lips to my own. He doesn’t deepen the kiss, he doesn’t even really press his lips against mine, they’re just placed there, resting lightly.
