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“Oh, Dean’s around here somewhere. He’s been given a cabin of his own to stay in.”
More squeaks of the marker.
“Yeah, he’s fine. He came over for dinner last night. He misses you, that much I know.”
Briefly, I looked up to see Jillian’s shoulders hunch. She was so torn. Her sleep had been restless since Dean had been gone. Her eyes would squeeze shut so tight sometimes, I didn’t know if she was in physical pain or just mental. She was suffering in his absence, he probably was, and even I wished he would come home so she wouldn’t ache any longer.
Maybe if Creek came around, she would be better.
As I stirred the oats in their pan on the woodstove, I saw Jillian write something and then erase it several times. The square rag was tie-dyed from all her writing.
“Look, Jillian, I know you miss him. Wendi and I completely understand what you’re going through, but I think it’s best you let him come to you. Dean’s stubborn that way. He needs to completely understand everything and have a picture of how it’s going to be before he jumps back in, but then he will be the best mate, the one you need.”
They talked about everything about mates and how hard it could be in the beginning. Jillian told Christie about Creek. Her new friend bobbed up and down in the chair and clapped. She was excited for Jillian as was I. Because her happiness was paramount in my life.
If I was honest, I was a little pissed at Dean. He should know better. He should know that leaving would splice her open and leave shards to pierce her from the inside out until he returned.
All I could do was be here for her and help fill the gaps.
“I’m going to have a chat with Wendi today, along with our mates to see how we can help you the most. I know you’re struggling with all of this. I mean, mine were two stubborn brothers.” There was some backlash for that comment in Christie’s background but she laughed it off. “Maybe there’s something we can do. I’ll text you in the meantime, okay?”
Jillian nodded while I sprinkled in berries and some brown sugar then set the bowl onto the table to wait for my mate.
“You okay?” I asked as she got up and came to the table. She was absolutely breathtaking in the mornings. Her hair was messy, and her eyes were sleepy. I was so damned lucky to be able to wake up to her for the rest of my life.
She nodded.
“It’s okay not to be fine, Jillian. There’s nothing you can’t say to me. I know you miss Dean, and now there’s Creek. It has to be frustrating to say the least.”
Instead of sitting at the table, she rounded it and flung herself into my arms. She nestled her face against my chest and sobbed. With each tear, it seemed like she held onto me tighter. I stroked her back and put my palm to her cheek, hoping to soothe her even a little.
“Jillian, it’s okay. Everything is going to be fine, I swear it, mate. Creek will come around just like I did. And Dean will come home soon. We don’t want to force him to come home too early and then have to go figure things out again, right? Once he’s back, he will be fully and completely back.”
She nodded but the crying continued. I grabbed her around the waist and carried her to the sofa. She clung to me like a koala, her legs wrapped around my middle and her arms circling my shoulders. Her face was buried in the crook of my neck and I inhaled her, all of her, her sweetness, the tang of her despair, the earthy scent of her love, all of it.
Gods, she was so strong and yet so delicate at the same time.
She deserved better than this. She’d suffered enough. It was time she had a life worthy of her innate goodness.
Jillian deserved the world.
Chapter Five
Jillian
I couldn’t keep going like this forever. Shane was in my arms and my bed, Creek at the edge of my awareness as I went about my business. And Dean, a burning place in my chest as I wondered where he was sleeping and whether he was eating properly. Did he hurt? Did he miss me?
Christi and Wendy said he did. And they said other than an aura of sadness that hung around him, he was well. He’d taken up doing the same work for Midnight Alder as he did here, to some extent. Cutting wood, although without the zeal he’d displayed here, and spending a lot of time wandering around.
I wanted to go to him, but Christi’s words rang in my head over and over. Partly because the topic came up at some point in every conversation. Not the exact same phrasing but the same idea. He’d come back when he was ready, and pushing the issue would be a bad idea. I felt stretched in so many directions, when all I wanted was to bring us all together. To live under one roof with all three of my mates. My wolf was craving to bring them all into her den. She was loud about it, rumbling so much inside me, I woke several times every night.
Then lay awake for hours before falling back asleep. The bags under my eyes were so dark, the alpha noticed. And he rarely noticed me at all. His question about whether I was quite well brought tears to my reddened eyes. Something had to change. Even if I did manage to corral my mates, where would we all live?
“Alpha wants to see you both,” Jerad said as Shane and I were crossing the compound one day. “Now.”
Sure, it was always now. The alpha expected instant response, and since overall, he wasn’t a bad guy and didn’t make a lot of demands on his pack members…and he did have a temper…we changed directions and headed for the office.
And sat in the hallway outside it for over three hours before he poked his head out and told us he couldn’t see us that day and would summon us again soon. Grumbling under my breath, I followed Shane outside again.Where to now?I wrote.I’m hungry.
