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Chapter Seventeen
Jillian and I had spent most of the day together but, as the sun dipped and made way for the moon to rise and realize her time, I wanted nothing more than time with my mates.
Every few moments, I let the fear take complete hold of me. Sweat would break out along my hairline, and a nauseous excitement would drive its way up my throat until the edges of my vision began to blur and get heavy.
I had to get hold of myself. Not only my mates and my sister, but the entire kingdom and Jillian’s pack would look to me to be strong, bold, and brave. But sitting on the window seat of my new suite, I felt anything but those things. I was tired, right down to the bones. Tears welled in my eyes for no reason, even when I wasn’t thinking about all the negative things that could happen the next day. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to fight them away, images of me and, worse, my mates and sister slain on the battlefield, a battle I never wanted.
My wolf’s hairs stood up on the back of her neck but not in the defensive way. She knew one of her mates was here. No doubt in her mind. I would have to rely on her more and more to keep me safe—keep me aware of my surroundings.
“Leif,” I whispered into the darkness. I had turned off all the lights in my apartment, just wanting the silence to swallow me up.
Instead of speaking, he came to sit behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me close until I was on his lap. I’d settled for my comfiest pajamas. Because if there was any night that called for my snuggliest pajamas, it was tonight. He rested his perfectly formed chin on my shoulders and turned his head sideways to kiss my neck gently. During his time with me, I thought he might give me a pep talk or maybe boost my courage. Instead, we simply held each other in silence, watching the moon and the stars go about their business, as though my world hung in the balance.
That was what life did. It went on even when we did not.
I took a little solace in the fact that I’d set up the kingdom for a future that was brighter than their entire history. Bors might be a brute, but if he won, I would hope he would see the benefit of what I’d done. If not, maybe the people would stand against him.
Maybe he would slay me where I stood, and no one would remember me at all.
Before he left, Leif kissed me like there was tomorrow. He released me as I was still breathless and wanting him.
He winked at me, his face only lit by the glow of the moon, and pointed to his watch. It was another mate’s turn. And while Leif and I hadn’t mated this night, I needed the strength of his arms and he knew it.
The moon rose to the point where it was out of view, so I went to bed and turned on the lamp beside it. Despite the panicky sweats, I was freezing, more and more by the minute. Another one of my mates would come in soon. In the meantime, I tucked myself in and wrapped my arms around myself for some semblance of comfort.
I must’ve drifted off to sleep because I woke in the middle of a nightmare. My mates were being taken from me, and the only thought in my head, inside the dream, was that we hadn’t officially had a ceremony.
We should’ve had a ceremony.
What was I thinking?
A warm, gentle hand stroked my face and pushed some of my hair out of the way. Gunnar. I knew him by smell, by sight, and, even in the darkness and without my hearing, I would feel him in my body. I opened my eyes.
“Hey, I’m here.” Worry marked his otherwise gorgeous face in the lamplight.
“Nightmare,” I choked out.
He nodded. “I heard you calling out. What’s all this about a ceremony?”
I sat up, and he took my hands in his. “That’s what the nightmare was about. That you all were leaving me because we weren’t officially mated.”
He chuckled and scooted closer, so our legs were intermingling. “The moment I saw you, even though I said I needed time to think about it, I was hooked. You had me heart and soul. I don’t need a ceremony or any of that grandiose bullshit. I am yours forever, even if you no longer want me around. And honestly, I speak for all three of us when I say that. We are radically, unconditionally bound to you in every way possible. Gods, I am so in love with you that sometimes I can’t think straight. Don’t you know that by now?”
His eyes shone with the pure truth of his statement. I was a fool to let my brain blather on like a petulant child when I knew the truth with every fiber of my being. My mates loved me, and I would love them for eternity.
“I love you all so much. I’m just scared.”
Gunnar held me and allowed me to empty myself of tears. I hugged him tightly and told him all the things I couldn’t remember telling him before.
One thing eventually led to another, and we made slow, passionate love. Before he left, he made sure to sign to me that he loved me. That meant more to me than a thousand words.
Arne was next. I cleaned up a little and put on a light nightgown to replace the pajamas. I didn’t even know where they had ended up.
“You must’ve drawn the long stick,” I playfully said to him as he entered quietly.
“Why do you say that?”
I laughed. “Because it looks like you’ve got me for the whole morning.”
