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“I said he was persistent. Not intelligent.”
I expanded the picture with my thumb and forefinger so I could get a better look at my new personal photographer. God, what a weasel. Seriously. He looked like an actual weasel. Long skinny body with a tiny head, ratty brown hair, and huge ears. All that was missing was the monkey chasing him all around the mulberry bush. And God, that freaking camo.
“How stupid can a person be?” I said. “Should we text him and tell him he’s not exactly blending in with the two white vehicles he’s standing between?”
Suddenly I noticed something. The white car parked behind Carter’s van was a Hyundai Santa Fe. I expanded the photo to maximum size. Sure enough, there was a tiny dent on the front left bumper.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I mumbled.
“What?” Ian said.
I tossed Ian’s phone to the side and picked up my own.
It only rang once before Mom answered.
“Is your Santa Fe parked on 63rdStreet?” I said before she even had a chance to say hello.
“Yes,” she said.
“Holy shit, Mom, seriously? You’re at the bar again?”
“No,” Mom said. “I’m at the bar still.”
“Since ten last night?”
“Yes,” she said. “Paulie caught his dick boyfriend cheating on him again. We were up talking until four in the morning, so I just slept in the office. And how do you know where my car is?”
“I was so drunk last night that I accidently fell asleep in Ian’s car. And then this morning he accidentally locked his keys and phone inside so I drove him to his house so he could pick up his spare. We just got back. We’re parked about ten doors down from Paulie’s.”
“And are you still with Ian?”
“Yeah,” I said. “And we’re in some serious shit here. There’s a photographer hiding between your car and his van. As soon as I sit upright or get out of the car, I’m going to be back in the tabloids again.”
“Don’t worry,” Mom said. “This is Mommy’s area of expertise. Just give me a sec, I’ll think of something.”
“I’m going to get her out of this, Ms. Zapata!” Ian said loudly enough for her to hear. “I just need an hour or so to come up with a plan!”
“Okay, I have a plan,” Mom said.
“Already?” Ian said.
“Is your car nearby?” Mom asked me.
“It’s right behind Ian’s.”
“And what about my Santa Fe?” she said. “Is it behind the van or in front of it?”
“Behind it.”
“Perfect,” Mom said. “Here’s what we’re going to do. I’ll send Paulie out to pick up my car. He’ll drive it around to the alley behind the bar. Then I’ll walk up 63rdStreet and distract the photographer. Paulie will keep watch from the window, and when he sees I’ve got the photographer’s full attention, he’ll ring you. That will be your signal to run inside the bar. Paulie will leave my car keys on the counter and you leave your keys for me. Then you and Ian go out the back exit and make your escape in the Santa Fe. I’ll take your car for the next few days. You two lay low until all this blows over.”
“Thanks, Mom,” I said. “You’re a lifesaver.”
“Just keep me in the loop so I know you’re safe. And turn off the tracker on your phone.”
“I will.”
“Paulie’s on his way out right now. Be ready to run in five minutes.”
