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“At least yours is a he,” I mumbled. “Tyler nicknamed his Irma.”
While the crease of my elbow made bestest buddies with nature, my fingers ran back and forth along the bottom of the seat until they at last found a knob.
“I think I found it!”
“Thank God,” Ian said.
I pushed the knob backwards and down, and Ian’s upper body started to unglue itself from the steering wheel.
“Tell me when it’s good,” I said.
He sighed deeply. “It’s good.”
“I meant the seat!”
“That’s good, too,” he said, taking another deep breath as he rolled his shoulders. “Oh my God, I’m so happy.”
I sat back up and re-buckled myself in.
“Thank you,” Ian said with a relieved sigh as he rubbed his neck. “You have no idea how good it feels—”
“I know how good it feels,” I said. “This isn’t exactly my first rodeo.”
“I was talking about the car seat.”
“Oh. Right.”
We spent the next ten minutes driving in silence. By this point, we’d given each other a mutual ass massage, made boob-to-arm contact, and been co-conspirators in an erection. And yet, surprisingly, there was no awkwardness between us. Thinking it over, I supposed it made perfect sense. Imagine how much more pleasant lockdown would have been if everyone had greeted their colleagues and debate opponents by rubbing asses instead of elbows. Throw in a neighborly boob rub and a friendly erection, and we would have achieved world peace by now.
At any rate, at this point in our increasingly personal relationship, no topic of conversation seemed off the table. And there was something I was really, really curious about.
“So,” I said. “Eight months, huh?”
CHAPTER 28
Ian
Normally I would not openly discuss this with someone I’d only known for seven hours, but since Clara’s elbow and my dick had already shared what you might call a moment, I felt strangely comfortable talking about my eight-month-long dry spell.
“I haven’t had sex with anyone since Greta. If what we did deserved to be called sex, that is.”
“That bad?” she said.
“Depends on whose point of view you’re talking about,” I said. “For me, it was mad, passionate lovemaking. For her, it was a monthly reminder that the heating bill was due.”
She was trying to hide a smile.
“Go ahead, laugh all you want,” I said. “But I’d like to hear how well you and Irma got along.”
“Holy crap,” she said. “Did I say that out loud?”
“You did.”
She shrugged. “Let’s just say that she lived up to her name. Although Mabel or Ethel might have been a better choice.”
Now it was my turn to laugh. “That bad?”
“It wasn’t bad when it actually happened,” she said. “It’s just that it hadn’t happened in six months.”
