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She then said eight words I never thought I would hear her say. “In that case, I think you should be honest with him.”
“Seriously?” I said, flabbergasted. “You’re telling me to be honest with a man?”
“Believe it or not, yes. Tell him the truth about your involvement with Eco-Justice. Including the T-shirt. If this turns into a long-term relationship, he’s going to find out about it eventually. And if he thinks you deliberately hid it from him, he’ll never believe anything you say again. You want him to love and trust you, don’t you?”
“Of course I do,” I said. “I’m just really surprised to hear you saying you want me to find a man who loves me for my goodness and honesty.”
“Did I say that?”
“It certainly sounded that way.”
“Well, that’s not what I meant,” she said. “I just want him to love you because he’s rich. Also he stood up to stretch before and it looked like he had a really big dick.”
“And that’s all you want for me? A rich man with a big dick?”
“What else is there?”
This was why I didn’t make a habit of going to Mom for relationship advice. I turned around and gestured to Ian that he could remove his fingers from his ears.
Shaking the stiffness out of his wrists, he walked over to us.
“I don’t want you to worry about any of this, Ms. Zapata,” he said, his brain evidently having exited his pants and returned to his head. “In an hour from now, it will be like none of this ever happened. And I’m taking care of the bail.”
“That’s very kind of you, Ian,” Mom said, giving him a smile. “I have something for you, too.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a set of keys.
“You’re breaking us out?” I said.
“They’re the keys to the cabin,” she said. “You two lay low for a few days. There should be firewood on the porch and extra blankets in the closet if it gets cold. Stop and buy some gas for the genny if you want hot water and electric.”
“The cabin?” Ian said, looking at me.
“We have a little place in the Adirondacks,” I said, inserting the keys into my pocket. “It’s a little rustic, but it’s private. We’ll be safe there.”
It was at that moment that we saw Officer Walsh shuffling toward us with the cell keys in his hand.
“All right,” he said, opening the door. “You’re good to go.”
“That’s it?” I said as I stepped out into freedom. “Do we have to sign anything?”
“Nothing to sign,” he said. “You were never here.”
After stopping for a quick trip to the bathroom, Ian and I walked into the squad room, where we found Mom talking to a young male officer who was feeding our fingerprint cards into a shredder. “It’s really too bad your shift just started,” Mom was saying to him. “What time do you get off?”
“Mom?” I called, stopping her before she had a chance to thank the strapping young officer in her own special way.
She gave the officer a flirty smirk and waved goodbye.
And that was it. No charges, no fingerprints on file, no paper trail to blackmail us with later.
It was just like Ian said.
It never even happened.
CHAPTER 36
Ian
It turned out that rumors of the wealthy getting special treatment in jail were true. When we stepped outside, the Santa Fe was waiting at the bottom of the steps in front of a sign that said “Parking for Authorized Personnel Only.”
