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Shedding his clothes, he climbed in with her and gathered her into his arms. He didn’t think she was sleeping, but she pretended, so he let her. She was in his arms, and that was all that mattered.
CHAPTER22
The sun hadn’t startedto rise yet when Tess slipped out of Mathias’s warm and cozy bed. So far, she hadn’t slept, and she wasn’t going to now. Quietly she changed from the T-shirt she had borrowed into her clothes and slipped out of the house.
She was home before the firsts light of dawn illuminated her apartment. The talk with Tasha had helped her greatly, but not in the way she had thought it would. Tasha managed to convince Tess of something she should have known the entire time: she was staying in Landstad. This was her home now—her baby made this home. Tess couldn’t take her baby from her father.
Even if she took the job and moved closer to her family, she would still not belong there. No matter how close or far she was from them, she could never be like her sister or her niece. Tess had a career, an education, and a life away from the immediate family. When she had the baby, she knew she would never quit her job and stay home with her; she would put the baby in daycare.
The baby would possibly say a few words of Russian but would not be able to talk with her grandma. By the time her daughter could talk to Tess’s mom, she would be well over eighty. And they would only have a few visits a year, a few days each time. Not enough for either to know the other well. It was how it had to be.
Showering to clear the tears for work, she went to the bank early to get some work done before her employees showed up. Tess sat at her desk in the dark. The air conditioning had been left on overnight, so the place was chilly. Grabbing the name badge at the end of the desk, she turned it over and looked at her name: Tess Thorn, President.
That was something Terezilya Aleksandrov had dreamed of but would never have achieved. Every change had led her to this office. Did she want to go to a bigger bank? Yes. But she would stay here for the baby. This would be her home.
Tess picked up her phone and dialed her mom’s number. This was the first time she had called her mama from work. Putting her phone on speaker, she pulled open a file she had been working on the day before and hadn’t completed yet.
Tess greeted her mama as she did every morning at this time in the language she had been raised in. “Good morning, Mama; it is Tess.”
“Terezilya.” Her name seemed to bounce off the wall around her.
“Mama, how are you this morning?” She felt a pang of sadness that she wouldn’t see her mom for another few months again. It happened every time they talked.
“As good as I can be.” It was her mom’s usual answer.
“How is Papa?” Tess held her breath. Her mom hadn’t said anything about her dad the day before.
“He is Papa. They say his heart is not good anymore, but they don’t know him. He is strong as an ox.”
“What did they say? The doctors?”
“He needs to take pills, but I don’t think he does, Terezilya.”
“Mama, he has to take the pills. They went to school, so they know more than you.”
“Like you, Terezilya?”
“Do you think I am different from you, Mama?” Tess put down her pen, needing to know what her mother actually thought of her.
“Of course, you are. You have your education and a fancy job, Terezilya. You have been different since you were a baby,” her mama said.
“How was I a different baby?”
“You always had big eyes that saw everything, learned everything. You wouldn’t sleep until you were exhausted because you didn’t want to miss anything. None of my other babies did that.” Her mama rarely talked about her children’s childhoods before they came to America.
“Do you like me now?” she asked, needing to know even if she didn’t want to hear her answer.
“I love you. You are my baby,” her mama said, and Tess could hear the smile in her voice.
“Are you proud of me?” She took her phone off speaker. She didn’t need her office walls to hear her mom’s disappointment in her.
“Of course, Terezilya. You have done so much in your life, things I could never have dreamed of when you were a baby. Or even when you were a teenager. I couldn’t see the future, not the way you could see it.” Her mom’s voice didn’t sound sad like Tess had thought it would.
“But I did not get married and have babies like Ilya and the boys.” She admitted.
“But they are not you. You had bigger dreams than that.” Her mom said quietly.
“I am going to have a baby, Mama. In six months.” Tess held her breath. What would her mother say about an illegitimate grandchild?
