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Math just gently pushed her toward his truck. “So, without this car, you cannot go home? Ever? No other car can drive there?”
After loading her into his pickup, he drove back to his place. When he parked, she did not get out of the pickup; she just stared out the passenger window at the farm. But he didn’t think she really saw anything.
Math hurried into the house and packed a bag for himself. When he got back to the pickup, she was still there. Her phone was ringing when he got into the cab, but she wasn’t moving to pick it up. For a moment, he wondered if she was actually hurt from the accident, but it didn’t matter—they had a nine-hour drive in front of them. No way was she not going to be there if her dad was dying today.
They had been on the road for over an hour before her phone had stopped ringing, but she had yet to look at her messages. He hadn’t said anything to her; it was up to her to talk. Knowing how he would feel if his dad were sick and he was far away from him, he let her just do what she wanted to do.
“You do not have to take me, Mathias. I chose not to be there a long time ago.” She didn’t turn away from the passenger window.
He wondered if she really thought he would just turn around and drive her back to Landstad. Did she realize how many miles they had already traveled? Did she realize how much he would do for her just because she asked? Or in this case, didn’t ask?
“You have put a lot on a car, Tess. It’s just a car.”
Her head came up, but she leaned it back against the seat and closed her eyes. “When I went to college, Alex, Tasha, and I went looking for a car for me. I needed to get to Fargo and back, and though I was living on campus, I would need a job. A full-ride scholarship does not mean everything’s paid for. So, we found this nice old car. It was big and older than I was, but it ran, and the three of us felt it would be a good one for me to have. I brought it home, and Papa hated it, said it would never last more than a few miles. He said that I would have to walk home, and I would be done with the college thing. He was against my leaving in the first place, I knew that, but it still hurt to hear the words.”
Rubbing her hands over her face, she continued, “The car made it to Fargo. And it made it another week. But then it was done. He was right, of course, about the car. But there was no way I was leaving college—that had been my dream. No car meant I had no way home. For four years, I went home only during the summer for a few weeks. I took the bus then. In the dorm rooms, I would watch parents come and get their kids and bring them home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter. Not mine.”
“Did you ask?” He took her hand in his.
“Yes, once. The first Christmas, I asked my mom if Papa could come and get me. Papa said no, I had made my decision. I left.”
“He doesn’t feel that way anymore,” he tried to assure her.
“When I bought this car, I had just gotten a divorce. They did not approve or attend the wedding. I had a good job and needed a way to get to work that was not the bus. I found this car, and it was so cute, and I loved it. The next time I went home, I was excited to show off my first new car. I had made it. Papa barely looked at it and said it would never last a year, just like my first car. He said when it died, I would be walking again, and he was not going to come and get me. But my car did not die that first year or ever within the last ten. She has always been there for me. She has never let me down. She lets me be me, no matter what.”
“She is just a car, Tess. You can drive any car, and it will take you back there. Your dad’s opinion ten years ago shouldn’t change that.”
“He is right; I made my decision. Since I drove away in that old car, I knew that every time I went back, I was just putting off the inevitable. That one day, I would have to stop. I would just have to be an American,” Tess said. “Now I will do that; the past is over. For the baby, I will look forward.”
He had no idea how to argue with her. She was not making any sense. They sat in silence, and he realized that she had cried herself to sleep, silent tears that she had been unable to control.
Picking up his phone, he called his sister. When she answered, he rushed to explain, “Mandy, Tess was in a car accident. She is making no sense. I don’t know what to do.”
“Is she okay?” Mandy sounded concerned, but she was a nurse and knew that Tess was pregnant.
“Physically, yes, but her dad is sick. I’m driving her home,” he said, hoping he wasn’t making a mistake by not making her see a doctor before they left.
“How is she acting?” Mandy asked.
“Like talking that she can’t go home again, like that she and the baby have to be Americans, whatever that means,” he said, knowing he sounded just as odd as Tess had.
“Math, Math, Math, I can’t say anything. But please, please ask her about her childhood. Over the years, she has built a wall around her past. You need to get through that wall. I think she has been making it higher since she found out she was pregnant. But her past is so much of her that the wall is crushing her.” Mandy’s words were like a riddle, one he didn’t know if he had the strength to solve that day.
“I really am tired of people giving me cryptic replies,” Math said to his sister, but his eyes were on Tess just sitting in the pickup, lost in her own world alone in the vehicle.
“Just trust me. If you think you love her now, wait until you meet the real her.”
“I am not in love with her, Mandy.” As he hung up on her, he knew he was lying. But he didn’t need his sister to tell him he didn’t know the real woman he was in love with. The call had made everything worse. As the hours slipped by, he watched her sleep. She was mumbling more than usual. Some people snored, but Tess was a talker. Not loud and not with actual words, but she talked faster in her mumbling.
At just after hour five, his phone rang. It was Tasha, so he answered it.
“Is Tessy with you? We cannot get a hold of her,” the woman said.
“Yes,” he replied and heard her tell others that Tess had been found.
“Ilya said she wasn’t bringing you,” Tasha stated.
“She hit a tree with her car. How is your dad? I mean, grandpa?” he asked.
