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“Everybody keeps asking that.” Natalie had the baby looking at her and answered the question at the baby. “No, Zephyr, we won’t have any children. I can’t have children.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” Zephyr’s eyes went wide with regret.
“It’s okay, I don’t have a sign that says ‘barren.’ The car accident years ago affected me,” she said in way of explaining.
“Are you wanting to adopt?” Zephyr asked as the men took a trip up the stairs with stuff.
“Yes, I want to adopt one day.” But she wished that she could carry Sam’s baby. Looking out the window, she saw Sam with Zion in his arms, and it melted her heart. She wanted any kid with that man—birth or adoption, it didn’t matter.
“Zachary is adopted. And Della’s girls are also adopted. She couldn’t have children either,” Zephyr said, watching Natalie with her baby.
“Did Max have an issue with it?” Natalie asked as Zephyr’s words settled in. Had she been wrong this whole time and there was another Delphinea Hart out there that could have children?
“From what I heard, Max wanted Della, no matter what. You can see that when they’re together. Della was the harder nut to crack; she didn’t want him to settle for someone who couldn’t have kids. But it worked out, as they got the girls just as they were getting married.” Zephyr curled her feet under her.
“Max said tomorrow is her birthday, but the party was today?” Natalie took her shirt from the baby’s mouth and replaced it with a toy her mother gave her.
“Her birthday is tomorrow. She doesn’t celebrate it anymore. Max usually has a party around her birthday, but she spends the actual day alone. It’s the one day she refuses to talk about. This year for her fortieth, us sisters are hoping to spend the day with her watching movies and such, letting her sulk with us if she lets us. If she kicks us out, I’ll be around here if you guys want to do something.”
Zachary indicated that he had everything in their room.
“Good luck.” Natalie handed off the baby to Zephyr with a fake smile.
Watching her possible aunt walk up the stairs, Natalie was left wondering. Was this really her family? If this Della couldn’t have children, where did that leave her? She had fallen in love with these people in the past two days, and now she was doubting that she even belonged. And if she did belong, Della didn’t want her there.
Slowly, she walked up the stairs and into their bedroom. Sam was gone, so Natalie sat down on the bed and looked out the window into the back yard. She heard Sam come into the room, and he smelled like soap and toothpaste when he sat down next to her, but she didn’t look at him.
“I made a mistake, Sam,” she whispered as tears started to leak out of her eyes that she couldn’t stop.
He put his arms around her and pulled her to him. “What mistake?”
“I don’t think she’s my mom. We don’t look anything alike, and she can’t have kids.” She said her fears out loud and they sounded right.
“I think that she is, Natalie. You are so much like them, it’s scary sometimes. They remind me a lot of you,” he said into her hair.
“Even if she is, she doesn’t like her birthday. She spends it alone. That was the day she had me. She didn’t want me. Doesn’t want me now. She doesn’t want people to know about me.” Why did she always have to cry? Why couldn’t she be a little stronger?
“What do you want to do?” he asked.
“Leave,” she whispered. “I can’t stay here.”
“I’ll call my mom and see if we can stay at the cabin again. Tonight or tomorrow?” He pulled out his phone.
“Tonight. After Zephyr and Zachary are asleep. I can’t say goodbye to them. I’ve no good explanation for it.” Pulling out of his arms, she lay down on the bed and looked out the window.
Why did she even come here? What was she trying to prove? She could have just called the agency and gotten her real mom’s phone number and address. Instead, she had guessed and had been so wrong. Now she didn’t want another birth mom; she wanted this one. But this one wasn’t her birth mom at all.
Or even worse, she was her mom and didn’t want her. That she hadn’t wanted her at birth and still didn’t want her now. That Natalie’s mere birth had made Della Hart’s birthday intolerable. Even after twenty-four years.
Hearing Sam talking to his mom on the phone, she heard that the older couple had finally gone back to Fargo, and the cabin was empty. They could stay as long as they wanted. He hung up and changed clothes from his shorts that he slept in to jeans and a T-shirt. Then he packed both their suitcases, leaving her a sweatshirt out in case it got cold. All the while she sat, watching but not helping, unable to move as she cried.
Once he had everything packed, he asked if she was ready. She knew she would never be ready to leave the idea of being part of this family behind, but she had to. She didn’t belong. Never would.
Sitting up, she wiped her face and got up, then dug through her bag and took out the disk her dad had given her to take for her mom. She set in on the dresser. If she was her mom, she should have the video, and if she wasn’t, she could throw it away.
Looking at the video one last time, she traced the name her dad had printed on the label. ‘Natalie’s Life for Delphinea Hart.’ Setting it down as Sam took her suitcase from her hand, she almost picked it up again to take it with her. This woman wouldn’t want this, whether she was her real mom or not. But she walked away without it. Because it had been made for her.
CHAPTER15
