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“No, Hanna didn’t want me there anymore. She said I was a drag and wasn’t any fun. That she had gotten tired of being told to include me. That I should find my own friends. You were her friend.” Hazel let the tears fall from her eyes, not even wiping them away all the time.
“When did she say that?” Natalie did wipe hers away. Never realizing her best friend could be so cruel to her own sister. That she hadn’t seen it.
“That summer. Before the fourth sometime. I don’t remember exactly. I didn’t hang out with you guys after that. I stayed home just like she wanted,” Hazel said, looking at her shoes.
“But you hung out at school? I remember you being with us,” Natalie said, though maybe she hadn’t been there as much in school either.
“Because I had no other friends. You were my friends. You two just didn’t want me around anymore.” Looking up, her hazel eyes were full of pain and brimming with tears.
“I was your friend. The whole time.” Natalie wanted to hug her friend but knew she couldn’t. Hazel would be gone if she moved.
“You always tried to include me, but when Hanna said I was busy or didn’t want to go, you let it go. So, I stayed home and let you be friends without me,” Hazel whispered the last bit.
“Is that why you didn’t do volleyball that fall?” Natalie asked. It was the only year Hazel hadn’t played alongside her. At the time, she hadn’t thought much about it. Now she did.
“Yes and no. Hanna asked me not to play since I wasn’t any good. But you always yelled at me, so I didn’t have fun anyway. It was supposed to be fun.” Hazel shrugged.
“Was I that bad? I don’t remember yelling at you.” Natalie racked her mind for any time.
“Yes, all the time. Once the game started, you were always yelling at someone. Sometimes at practice even. You always forgot it was supposed to be fun. It wasn’t fun to play with you.”
Natalie was starting to hate her younger self. Maybe the accident changed her more than she thought. She would have to look at the game tapes her dad made over the years and see how bad she was. “I’ve been asked to coach the volleyball team this fall, but I have to turn it down. If I was that bad back then, how can I coach anyone now?”
Hazel looked up at her in confusion. “Because you’ve changed, Natalie. You’re not that person anymore. You know that it’s just a game now. Life is short, and the game has no bearing on it.”
“You don’t know me now. What if I haven’t changed?” Natalie asked, not sure if what Hazel said was true. Had she changed?
“Because I spend four hours every two weeks with you. The old you would never have been in book club. You would never have given Mia, a waitress, and Ruth, a secretary, a chance to be your friend. And you rarely take over the conversation and not let anyone talk or tell everyone your opinion without letting others argue with you. You’re not the old Natalie.” Hazel glanced out the door at her son again.
“So, you think I could do it?” she asked again.
“As long as you remember that it’s a game, winning and losing isn’t important. Having fun is. Play the kid who doesn’t always make the basket or hit the ball. They want to have fun too. Watching every game from the bench doesn’t make you feel like you’re part of the team,” Hazel replied, who sat on the end of the bench at every game they ever played together. “And don’t yell at them. They know they messed up; they don’t need you telling them that they did.”
“You should be the coach, Haze,” Natalie said with a smile at her insight. The tears were still there, though.
“I hate sports. I only did it to be with my friends.” She rolled her eyes and then checked her son, who had moved on from the other boy and was sitting alone, looking at his mom across the room. “I have to go.”
Watching her leave, Natalie was happy she had gotten to actually talk to Hazel. Her dad had been right, she needed to talk to the person who knew her best.
Before the talk, she had thought the hardest thing would be teaching plays and strategy to teenagers. She knew she could yell, but she thought it would be an asset as a coach. Now she realized who she had been all those years ago. Who she didn’t want to be today. But what she didn’t know was how to not be that person again.
CHAPTER24
By the endof the day, Natalie still hadn’t figured out if she wanted to coach or not. Or actually, she had. She wanted to coach the team, but she still didn’t know if she should. She didn’t want to be the coach who yelled at everyone, and nobody liked. Looking back on her coaches, she knew she wanted to be the coach that kids liked and looked up to. The kind that you could talk to and wanted to talk to.
So, before she went to Sam’s, she went to her dad’s house. At the patio door, she wondered if she should knock. This had been her home, but it wasn’t anymore. Even the years she had been in Fargo, this had still been her home. But now, that was across the back yard from where she felt at home.
With a deep breath, she slid open the patio doors and walked into the kitchen. Her dad was making supper and looked up at her. “I didn’t think I would see you today. How was your day?”
“Good… OK… I don’t know.” She stumbled over her usual answer. Hazel’s words still ran through her head. Stopping one step into the house, she asked, “Should I knock?”
“If you want to. You’re always welcome.” Her dad set down the spoon he was holding.
“I know, it just feels like I should knock. It’s weird,” she admitted.
“You do whatever you want,” the always agreeable Patrick said.
“I think I will next time. See what that feels like. Maybe I’ll knock and then just come in.”
