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“If it’s about your mom, no.” She tensed as she said the words and his hands stopped moving.
“Why not?” He dropped his hands.
“Because she is a patient,” she explained. Again.
“I share your bed,” he stated, as if that mattered at all.
“Doesn’t matter. I asked if she wanted me to talk to you. She didn’t.” Amanda tried to convince him.
“I thought since we were sleeping together you would bend your rules a little.”
“Really, doctor-patient confidentiality is not my rule. I have to follow that one pretty close. Especially here where everyone knows everyone’s business. You in my bed makes no difference; you know that.” She put her hands on her hips.
“She is my mother.” He pointed out, as if she didn’t know.
“Then have her tell you.” She tried not to let her anger get the best of her.
“She won’t talk to me,” he said, though she already knew that.
“Ask Jill. I know she knows,” she told him, giving him the back door to the information. But if he would just talk to his sister, she would tell him everything, everything Amanda couldn’t.
“So, you know something?” he demanded.
“Of course, I know. She is my patient,” she admitted, but he already knew that.
“Another secret that you won’t tell anyone,” he spat out.
“What does that mean?” She knew what he was getting at. She could feel her bubble of happiness popping, and she couldn’t stop it.
“You won’t tell anyone about us. Are you ashamed of us? Of me?”
“Of course not. I just want…” She could say what she really wanted. Things not to change? The world not to catch up with her? To not think toward the future?
“What you want is always what it is. What about me and what I want?” He took a step back and yelled at her.
“What do you want?”
“You, and to tell people about you and me. To tell my mom that I am bringing someone to Christmas. To tell Math anything about why I want to spend all my time with his sister. To start planning a future together!”
“I can’t give you a future right now. I want to, but I just can’t.”
“When then?” he demanded of her.
“I don’t have a date I can give you.” She told him the truth. As long as she was still pregnant, she couldn’t think of the future. Because that future wasn’t going to include the baby she was carrying, and she didn’t want to think about that. She never wanted to think about that.
“So, you think that I want to keep this secret until who knows when? To pretend I don’t have feelings for you when we are in public? Oh, wait, we don’t go out in public, do we?” Running his hands over his face, she could see his anger.
“Yes. And it’s too much to ask.” She knew that it was, even she could see that.
“Yes, it is, Amanda Nordskov. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to be your dirty little secret.”
“I understand.” Suddenly, she was freezing in the little waiting room. She tried not to shake with the chill that came over her.
At that moment, she understood everything. She had ruined what they had and had done it in a matter of days. Any feelings he might have had for her were gone, if they had ever been there. Because Amanda hadn’t given them time and room to grow.
Instead, she had let her emotions focus on the baby she carried when she should have been putting all her attention on making her relationship with Hue grow. She had messed everything up.
“Yeah, I didn’t think you would try to keep us together. Sometimes showing a little emotion would be helpful.” He turned and walked out the door. She watched as he turned to go upstairs to his apartment.
