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As he spoke about what had happened to him, Sofia vacillated between feeling overwhelmed, like she didn’t know how this man would recover from the aftereffects of his loss, to admiration that he was literally starting over at the bottom with very little support.
“Do you feel like you found it again?”
He looked down at her as they strolled along the beach, her hair and eyes shining in the moonlight.
“My mind? I’m on the path,” he said. “Caroline died. I lost my license, my house, almost my life. It took two years to get clean, and the last few months have been a blur. My old boss stepped in and offered me a place to live, and a week later, I meet you and get a job in the same day. I don’t know, but that sounds predestined.”
“I’m so happy for you,” Sofia said sincerely. “I mean, that sounds so lame, but I can’t imagine what life has been like for you. Wow, add her illness in there and the last few years must have been brutal. You went through your wife’s illness and death. That had to take such a huge toll.”
“It’s only been a year for you.”
“And in one year I’ve turned into a hermit,” she said. “The truth is I was probably a hermit before Jake died, but when we were together, he was always doing something physical, so I could continue my hermit behavior.”
“What’s that like?”
“I read or I write. There’s really nothing else. Oh, that’s not true completely. I like to cook, sort of. I mean, I have my cooking cycles. My dad says he bought that paper as a fun thing. He probably really bought it to keep me from killing myself. It has given me something to do, and I love being the reporter from theBeach News. I say it when I make cold calls. ‘Hello! I’m Sofia Saint fromBeach News!’”
Ryan laughed with her and the camaraderie felt good.
“Do you have hobbies?” she asked.
“Besides staying clean? No. Nothing. Not even sports. I went to medical school and did a residency. That took all of my attention. I had to read constantly to keep up with the latest information. And of course, since I left rehab it’s taken all my effort to stay fed.”
“Does the guy you live with know you panhandle for food?”
“He thinks I’m getting magic money from some disability payment that doesn’t exist. I was afraid if I was too needy, he wouldn’t let me stay at his place, and I was really getting tired of couch surfing.”
They chatted a while longer, and soon, they were back at her house.
“I’ll take you back tonight.”
“I can get the bus.”
“Please let me drive you. You’ll be getting the bus to work in the morning. That’s enough.”
She could feel herself getting anxious for him, that the effort just to get to work might be too much. She’d do what she could to lighten his burden.
“Okay. I feel a little weird, but if you’re sure—”
“I’m more than sure. I insist.”
They went back inside her place, and he took a final glimpse of the ocean, the moon so bright the line of light seemed to run a path right up to her house. Caroline would have loved it that he’d made friends with a nice woman who lived on the water. It was the first time he’d thought she’d be happy about a choice he’d made. He’d stopped allowing himself to think of her when all it did was make him feel ashamed.
“This place is amazing. It’s a dream location.”
“I feel the same way. People have asked if staying in a place Jake and I bought together is difficult, but it doesn’t have any associations with him. He never lived here. We rarely came here together. It’s almost like he knew I’d be living here alone.”
“I just thought Caroline would be glad I met you today.”
“That’s so nice. I’m glad you came over. It’s nice having someone here.”
“Well, it’s a wonderful home. I’ve really enjoyed tonight.” Then he added sarcastically, “And now I can go back to my shed.”
“Yes, well, it’s just temporary. You made a big stride today. Be proud of yourself for that.”
Hoping that comment didn’t sound too much like she was cheerleading for him, she vowed to herself to be careful about what she said in the future. There was a fine line between encouraging and patronizing. They got into her car and drove back to Andover, making small talk that didn’t revolve around a dead partner.
But when they arrived at the house, it appeared the owner of the shed was having some kind of pool party when she pulled into the driveway. There were at least ten cars, lights strung around the pool blazing, music and laughter echoing out.
