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CHAPTER12
Emily locked the door behind her and tried to control her racing heart. If they had continued kissing, she feared she would soon be pulling him into her bed and that could not happen.
Even though her body responded to his kiss and her insides ached with the knowledge of what it would be like to have him deep inside her, she could not do it again.
As a new employee, she knew they could fire her in the first ninety days for no reason. And she liked this job. Even with Tanner being a pain in the ass, she enjoyed the people; she liked cooking for the guests, and she was excited to wake up each morning knowing her kitchen awaited her.
She didn’t need Tanner to get her fired. Here on this ranch, she felt at peace, and it had been so long since she’d known that feeling. She didn’t want it to end.
Climbing into bed, she turned out the light. The smell of lavender filled the room, and in the semi-darkness, she saw the ghost materialize.
No, not tonight. She’d dealt with enough for one day.
“I saw you kissing Tanner,” Eugenia called. “Are you falling in love with him, dear?”
“No, I’m trying to sleep,” Emily said, figuring it was impossible to relax when a dead person was speaking to her. It was kind of creepy. She didn’t fear the ghost, but to think that a dead person was hovering around her room while she tried to sleep was chilling.
The woman laughed. “Oh, dear, you’ll get plenty of time for that when you’re dead.”
Now, that was an unsettling reminder that she wouldn’t live forever.
“Do you like my grandson?”
What could she say? Did the woman even know they had premarital sex? How would she feel about that? Emily was tempted to tell her, but then again, you didn’t want to piss off a dead person. They could get even in ways she couldn’t begin to imagine.
“Yes, Eugenia, I like Tanner. But there’s a problem. If you truly want us together, then go visit him. He’s the one who doesn’t believe that he can be in a relationship with a woman. He’s the one who isn’t ready for a commitment.”
There was silence, and for a moment, Emily thought the woman had left. But then she spoke. “What about you, dear? Are you ready to settle down forever with my grandson?”
“No, I’m not,” Emily said, sitting up. “Since I’m not going to get any sleep, let’s talk about my reasons why this is not a good thing.”
Time to give up on sleep and deal with yet another problem.
Emily flipped on the light and sat up against the headboard. Eugenia sank her weightless body into the chair in the room.
“Tell me why not?” Eugenia said softly. “We’ll fix this problem.”
“It’s not fixable,” Emily said. “I’m a widow. Three years ago, my husband died in Iraq at the airport. He was helping refugees get on the plane when a bomb exploded killing him. His commander told me he threw himself over the bomber to save the women and children that were nearby. Damn him.”
The ghost sat, astonished, not saying a word, while the tears that Emily hated slipped down her cheeks. Why did he have to die a hero? It was his last tour of duty and then they were going to open their own restaurant, start a family, and enjoy their lives.
After that tour, they would’ve had all the time in the world. Only problem was he came home in a box.
She knew how to live with his PTSD, but she didn’t know how to live without him.
Damn him for dying and leaving her alone.
“I’m so sorry, dear, that your husband died a hero. All wars are bad and my idea of a great future was for there to be no more wars where men and women died. But don’t you think your husband would want you to move on? You’re young; you’re beautiful. Don’t you want a family of your own?”
What did this woman want from her? Blood? Because she wanted her to remember a life path that suddenly had a roadblock thrown in.
“Yes, we were going to have children when he returned. But he never came home. He saved people’s lives instead of coming home to me. Yes, I’m a selfish person. But I loved him. I wanted to spend my life with him.”
Tears slipped down her cheeks and she knew she should have said this to Tanner tonight, but this was the reason she kept this information to herself. Even three years later, it was difficult.
It wasn’t that her heart wasn’t ready to fall in love again. She did indeed want a family and a man to cuddle beside her. And yet she was afraid. What if a new man pulled a selfless act and left her alone? What if this life path also had an impossible obstacle?
No matter how many times she told herself she was being selfish, that John had died a hero, it still hurt that he was gone and she was alone. In some ways, she almost felt angry that he had acted so heroically. And yet she knew that he was that kind of man. It was one of the reasons she’d fallen in love with him.
