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Tanner glanced at his brother and smiled.
“I’m happy for you two,” he said.
“You could have that same happiness,” Travis said. “All you have to do is stop running from those feelings.”
In some ways, he knew his older sibling was right, but there was still this damn PTSD. And they were back to speaking about him.
“You know that’s not possible for me. Look what happened today. I had an episode, and bam, I’m doing the help.”
That was not fair because Emily was so much more than just the help, but he couldn’t express any feelings right now.
Travis started laughing, his eyes twinkling as he gazed at Tanner. “I’m going to have a hard time not looking at that table and thinking about what occurred under there.”
“I owe her a big apology,” Tanner said. “She brought me back from the battlefield and it was like I lost all control. The next thing I know, we’re yanking at each other’s clothing and then I was... We could have gotten caught.”
A grin spread across his brother’s face. “But you didn’t. Though it was close. Poor Desiree has no idea what happened, but from looking at the two of you, I knew exactly what occurred. You both looked like you rolled in flour, your eyes were bright and shiny and your faces pink. And your breathing was a little hurried. I hope it was really good.”
With a sigh, Tanner closed his eyes. “The best. And yet I ran out of there like a scared little boy.”
Emily had deserved better. He’d failed her once again.
“Tanner, this is the most excited I’ve ever seen you about a woman,” Travis said. They had stopped walking and were standing beneath one of the big elm trees on the property.
“Just take it slow. Don’t push her away, but rather get to know her. It’s been a fast two weeks since you met her.”
“Less than that,” Tanner said, thinking back to how much he’d enjoyed that time at the hotel with her. And today, how he’d needed her to hold him, love him, and make him whole again.
And she had done just that.
That was the problem, so far, she was the perfect woman for him and that terrified him.
“Samantha and I fell in love in a week’s time, only it took me a lot longer to realize it.”
Tanner remembered that time not so long ago when Travis was falling for the ghost hunter. Was he falling in love with Emily? No, he couldn’t.
But maybe it was possible, and maybe, just maybe, he could learn to love again. She knew how to deal with someone who had PTSD. She hadn’t been afraid. She’d stayed with him, not giving up, but trying to calm him. No one had ever done that for him.
Leaving like he did without saying anything, had he screwed everything up?
Squatting on his ankles, he grabbed his head.
“I should have said something to her, but I didn’t know what to say. And then you guys barged into the kitchen, just as I finished zipping my fly.Thank you for the fuckseemed so wrong because it was so much more. But I can’t tell her I love her. I can’t say much of anything except that I was grateful for how she handled my episode today. I was grateful for how she held me in her arms.”
A cow mooed at them as they were not far from the gate to the pasture. Slowly Tanner stood.
“That’s a start,” Travis said. “But you’re right. Women like to be held and cuddled after sex and you didn’t have time for that. Tonight, you need to make up for what happened. Talk to her and tell her how you’re feeling.”
Confused? He should tell her that he was feeling tangled, torn, and so afraid of what he could be walking away from. So afraid of taking a chance with her and failing. So afraid of hurting her with one of his flashes.
“All right,” he said, knowing he had to talk to her. Tonight, sitting out on her porch, maybe she’d be in her pajamas again. “Maybe she’ll talk to me about her husband,” he said. “What if I knew him?”
“Doubtful,” Travis said. “Besides, don’t bring up her husband. Let her mention him. Just be kind and thoughtful and tell her that today meant a lot to you. Unless it didn’t.”
“No, it did,” Tanner said. “That’s what’s so scary. Today, it was like everything came together and what we did was almost binding. It felt like we were meant to be together. To help one another. And I’ve never experienced that before.”
“Take her some flowers.” Travis clapped him on the back. “Welcome to love, brother.”
“No, I can’t love her,” Tanner said, fear spiking through him.
