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CHAPTER17
Emily was lying in bed reading the same page of a book over and over, her mind rethinking about what had happened today. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t concentrate on the story. All she could do was think about the incredible sex they had in the kitchen.
How in the world she could have let herself get so carried away that not only did she have sex with Tanner, but it had been unprotected sex? Unprotected, no birth control, no disease control, nothing but her man and her having the best sex she’d ever experienced.
Glancing at the calendar, she knew she was at her most fertile time and she only hoped that the way they had jumped up after they were finished, that the sperm had not made its way to her egg. But she knew that was wishful thinking. Time would tell.
While she would love to have a child and a family of her own, that was not a good way to start a relationship. And Tanner couldn’t handle being with her, let alone a child. He was not the person to start a family with, no matter how much she wanted one.
It was best not to worry about it until she knew for certain, so for now, she would push it out of her mind and instead concentrate on how she’d felt so close to Tanner.
The sex had been wonderful. But afterward, it was like he’d run scared out of the kitchen. Especially when his brother and cousin appeared at the door.
With a sigh, she thought how she’d cleaned up the kitchen, prepared the bread, the salads, and the main entree before finally going to her cabin and collapsing.
Everything had gone smoothly except that her heart was in tatters. Today she recognized the feelings growing for Tanner and that frightened her.
The sound of a knock on her door had her sliding out of bed. If he was here for sex, he could kiss her rosy-red cheeks. Not going to happen.
When she went to the door, she peeked out the window and saw him standing there impatiently. Part of her didn’t want to answer the door, yet she had to know what he wanted.
Pulling back the latch, she opened the door and stared at him, not saying a word.
“These are for you,” he said and handed her a bouquet of wildflowers.
Speechless, she stared at them. They were beautiful and yet she felt like a hypocrite for accepting them. She’d been angry with him all afternoon. Furious because after they had sex, he left never even acknowledging what they had just done.
“Why don’t you put them in water and then come outside and talk to me,” he said.
He wasn’t trying to push his way inside and that made her feel a little better.
“Just a moment,” she said.
Walking back inside, she left the door open, testing to see if he would push his way in, but instead he sat on the steps.
Obviously he must have known how upset she’d been after he left her this afternoon.
After she put the flowers in water, she came back outside, once again in her pajamas. Sinking down on the step beside him, she didn’t say a word.
“Thank you for helping me this afternoon,” he said, reaching out and taking her hand. “No one has ever gotten through to me when I’m having one of my episodes.”
“You’re welcome,” she said softly.
She could see there was something else he wanted to say but was struggling to speak the words.
“I also want to apologize for jumping up after we had sex and running out the door. I was stunned at how we both reacted and at how unbelievably good it was. Nothing has ever happened like that before with me. One minute, I was fighting the war, and the next minute, you were in my arms.”
So he had been affected just like she had been by what happened between them. She closed her eyes and felt the tears welling inside. There was no way she could avoid it any longer. She was falling for him and that terrified her.
“It was so quick and yet so incredibly satisfying,” she said.
And she’d also realized just how much she cared for him. This afternoon had been incredible.
Turning to face her, he placed his hands on her cheeks. “You’re an amazing woman and I want you so badly, but I’m afraid. So afraid of hurting you when I’m in the middle of a hallucination. So afraid you’ll get tired of my problem and walk away from me. Who wants a cripple for a husband? There’s so much wrong with me that I can’t believe a beautiful woman like you would want me.”
His hands slipped away and she felt disappointed that he did not kiss her. She’d wanted to feel his mouth on hers.
It was all she could not to reach out and slap him.
