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“Nonno, I’ve missed you so much. I hope you didn’t hurt Ren too badly during your meeting.” I smile up at him from our hug.

“Ugh, I hope you really hurt that asshole.” Matteo huffs out, earning him a glare from me and a big laugh from nonno.

“He’ll live. He explained things a bit more in detail for me and I have an idea that his grandfather is in for a rude awakening with you coming into your own on the East Coast as well as at home.” He smirks.

“I’ve met the head of the Gavino family a few times throughout the years, and I have no doubt you’re itching to put him in his place. Do not underestimate him though, mia luce. He’s known for his callous ruthlessness for a reason and Ren’s reputation is just as… disturbing. Although, I have a feeling the womanizing ways of the past aren’t quite Ren’s style.” He winks at me and I do my best not to laugh at his summary of the Gavino family.

“Well, you're not wrong. That old man is gross. Ren has had his moments. You can tell he’s used to being in charge, but he’s never made me feel anything other than respected. He’s even come around enough that he’s been ok with my relationships with the other guys… C’mon, let’s hit the dining room. It’s probably close to dinner time by now and I want you all to tell me everything that’s been going on since I’ve been here. I’m sorry I couldn’t reach you sooner. I’ve missed you all and I’m freaking stoked you came out here. Can we just focus on having a good time tonight, enjoy food, fireworks and family? Tomorrow we’ll talk business, yeah?” I ask nonno.

“I’m just happy to see you’re alright. I was angry when you went off grid, but I knew it was a possibility. Had you been gone much longer though and there would’ve been a wake of bodies trailing the United States in search of you. No one kidnaps you again, do you understand mia luce? We bury anyone else who tries. As it stands, I feel I am owed and so is your mother for the way things were handled. I’m so proud of how you’ve dealt with all of this. Especially when it came to Raffaele. I imagine you wanted to take out a hit as soon as you met the cranky old bastard. Just make sure to let me know if his grandson needs to be put in his place. As it stands, I’ve already had words with him about how he handled things. There’s at least one life to be owed for the years we’ve lost with you and I intend to see it happen. Though tonight is about family. Tomorrow we’ll figure out how to deal with those we call our enemies.”

Chapter Eighteen

Alessandra

Ican’t remember a time that I felt this blissful or fulfilled. I’m not sure if I could even explain how I really feel if I tried. It’s like my soul has finally found peace. I mean, I know there’s a darkness I’ll always hold onto somewhere deep inside of me. You don’t grow up in the slums with a crackwhore for a mother, fighting on the streets to stay alive and not have baggage, but I’ve finally learned to let go a little. Plus, I am living in a mafia world and I am a mafia girl. No- a mafiaqueen. Each of my guys is the next up and coming Don in their territories. They will forever be my kings and I am still sometimes a little shocked they are all mine.

Technically Matteo isn’t meant to be more than an underboss unless I die, because I’m technically next in line after my grandfather- fingers crossed he continues to live a long and healthy life, but I’m hopeful to talk to nonno tomorrow about making the necessary changes to switch that around. That spot is rightfully Matteo’s. Not only has he grown up dedicated to living under the oath of Omerta. His blood has long since been spilled, even from a young age, to devote his loyalty to la famiglia.

The more I’ve learned about my history and grown into this world, the more I want the rightful title to be given to him. I won’t really be giving up any power in doing so, even if it seems like I am. I just hope nonno will go for it. I’ll have to convince him that I’m the heart and soul of all of these men and they will work with me regardless of what title I hold. Therefore, I’ll be the heart and soul of the mob and without the steady beat of the heart, there can be no life. Without a soul, there can be no redemption. This life isn’t always clean, but it doesn’t have to be pure evil. I can make things better. We all can. Together. Weird concept, but it’s what makes us all strong.

We just work really well as a team and I trust all of them. Plus, contractually, nothing changes. The plan we originally made should work perfectly; we all come together and expand the territories by combining all of the families. Only now, Ren will need to be involved. There may be some difficulties in the way - it’s almost guaranteed when dealing with the Gavino family, but nonno will know what to do with Raffaele and his guys. I’d be surprised if he weren’t already planning a war on my behalf as it is.

I know he’s holding back from how angry he really is. He knows that I’ve accepted things to an extent with Ren and how we’re moving forward. Had I shown even the slightest hint of discomfort, this whole island and half of the east coast would run red with the blood of anyone who’d dared to go against Alessandro Salvatore when I went missing.

I’m not completely oblivious to the things he had done in my honor when I was found the first time. There was blood. There was gore. There was torture and pain and misery for anyone involved. Lorenzo was the only one who got away, the fucking bastard. He’ll get what’s coming to him though. It’s only a matter of time.

The only times I can think of, that I’ve come close to this intense state of contentment was when my mom and I had breakthroughs in our relationship, or I’ve gotten girl time with SB and learned what true friendship feels like or learning about la famiglia with nonno and getting in quality time at the shooting range. Those intimate moments I’ve had with the guys, yeah, they’ve been amazing and perfect in their own right, but nothing can touch this moment right here.

I’m enjoying my first Fourth of July fireworks show ever on a private island that I’ve just found out was bought for me. It was apparently one of Ren’s first big purchases. In a true-to-him fashion, he bought it thinking it would be ours one day. Little did he know that we’d be able to enjoy it as one big happy family. It’s not far off the East coast so he can handle his business affairs easily and go back quickly if necessary.

I’m sitting in Cohen’s lap in front of a fire pit roasting vegan marshmallows -weird yet delicious- surrounded by the rest of my family and listening to the easy flow of conversation and laughter. It’s everything I never really knew I wanted. Even the twins are getting along.

When I planned out my future and set goals to get out of the hell I was living every day, none of this ever came to mind. I wanted something simple and while I expected to work hard, in fact I did work hard, I had tempered expectations. Nothing fancy, just attainable. It was always - get the best education I could. Get scholarships if possible. Get the hell out of Dodge. I wanted to build a comfortable and sustainable life for myself. I didn’t even care if I was still considered “poor”. I just wanted a diploma and the potential for college and a stable job- something moderately enjoyable if possible. I would’ve accepted damn near anything though, as long as it was away from the life I was living.

I didn’t even see relationships in my future. I’ve never, not once, wanted to date. I never even so much as reacted to a guy until I laid eyes on Matteo that first time. Sure, I noticed when people were attractive, but I never got that heart pounding, sweat inducing, mouth drying, hard to breathe feeling around anyone. No tingles. No frayed nerves or damp panties. Nothing that I feel with each of these guys. Even now after months, you’d think I’d feel less like an emotional pile of hormones, yet here we are and I wouldn’t change a thing.

* * *

“Can you creeps back off?And maybe wipe the drool. Y’all act like you’ve never seen her before, but you’ve already had her for, like, half the summer. I’m her best bitch, not you. I’m claiming some time. Go on, shoo!” SB actually makes a shoo-ing motion that has me internally dying to crack up. Watching my little five foot some odd inches best friend push my four giants out the door is hilarious.

“Hey!! Michelangelo, Donatello, Leonardo and Raphael, are you listening to me? Go eat your pizza and practice your ass kicking skills or whatever you do to prepare to fight the bad guys… or areyouthe bad guys and I’m giving you too much credit? Whatever, it doesn’t matter. Go. Away. Girl time! That means you punks gotta get gone.” She bosses my guys around like they are small children instead of the giant beast monsters they are. These guys are literally some people’s worst nightmares and she’s acting like they're just an easy nuisance to take care of. They may as well be nothing more than flies in her sweet tea. She’s a bad bitch, no doubt, because even some grown ass men wouldn’t dare take them on. They all grumble as they listen to her and leave, but not before each of them gives me a heart stopping kiss and gets their fill of handfuls of ass. Even still, not many people can do what she just did and I’m impressed. It’s a real party trick.

“What do you want to do today that you need them all gone for? You’re being pushy, even for you. Ha.” I grin at her to take some of the sting out of my words. Sheisbeing pushy, but not really in a bad way. I’ve missed her sass.

“Am I not allowed to have a day with my favorite girl? Nope, not listening to that bullshit. I haven’t seen you in forever. I won’t lie, when you went missing again, I really started to worry. You kept all of this secret message stuff to yourself and then just took off to take it all on yourself. It was pretty selfish of you and I was just as pissed off as I was scared.” She looks down, unable to look me in the eyes. She’s genuinely upset, so I grab her hand and hold tight while she tells me what she clearly needs to get off her chest.

“Hey Steph, you know I never meant to hurt you or scare you, right? I fucked everything up with the way I handled shit, but I wouldn’t have done it if I thought for a second, things would’ve gone down like that.” I try to offer her whatever comfort I can. I know I’m doing a shit job though, because she still can’t even look at me let alone acknowledge I spoke.

“I mean, don’t get me wrong. I know that what you did was far more selfless than actually selfish, but without knowing what we all know now, it didn’t feel like that at first. Ya, know? It was like you just up and disappeared on all of us. You really hurt everyone and while I’m sure the guys haven’t gone into a whole lot of detail about how they were after Matteo watched you get kidnapped, well, it was really fucking ugly.” Her face scrunches up, like she’s uncomfortable with even the memory of their anguish. She really cares about them. If I didn’t know better, I’d almost feel jealous at how much she seems to care for each of them.

“I don’t know if any of them even slept. Matteo went on a tear looking for his dad. He left a wake of destruction behind him everywhere he went. He took on some of his dad’s biggest confidantes and broke them all before handing them over to your grandfather. Noah hit the underground cage fights every night and was rumored to have even killed a couple of guys trying to let out some of his aggression. Cohen and I teamed up to do a lot of the investigative computer work and create a paper trail. I think he knew more than he let on about the Gavino family. In fact, I’m pretty sure he figured everything out, but was waiting to confirm it before telling any of us the truth. He was getting close to learning something when his watch alerted him of your tracking device.” She finally looks at me, giving me the smallest indication that she’s not still fully upset with me.

“I’ve never seen him so happy, honestly. They all jumped into action so fast, I almost got whiplash. I felt pretty guilty that I’d already spoken to you at that point, so I think they knew something was different with me. I’m not exactly a great actress.” She huffs out a laugh, and I laugh with her.

“You? You’re not the best actress? How is that possible? You’re the most dramatic person I know. Every day with you is like living day in and day out theatrics.” I smirk at her, letting the laughter touch my eyes so she knows I’m just kidding.

“You going missing actually got me thinking about a program I’d like to create. I actually started developing at the beginning of summer to keep track of you, you know, after I found you. I know you have your necklace, but I didn’t know about it when I came up with the idea, and a necklace can obviously be taken away from you, so I’d like to find something a little more discreet. I’m still ironing out the details, but I wanted to know what you think about the idea.” When she looks at me then, her lips curl into the most evil of smiles, as she lets out a horrifying giggle, one that rivals that of those creepy haunted dolls no one ever wants to come in contact with.

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