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Everyone knows that two of the three musketeers left campus for the day, and I’ve heard everything from them fighting over me, to getting busted for smoking pot on the football field, to me getting pissed at them for having a threesome with each other in the locker room. According to the student body, it’s one of the reasons we broke up. I guess the guys don’t need me to get off when they have each other.
It’s all pretty laughable, though also entirely fantasy inducing. I won’t lie, the thought of them together is hotter than anything else my imagination can come up with, and my brain has combed through thousands of scenarios involving those three and Ren.
“Girl, people are losing their minds over some royal court gossip. Everyone wants to know what’s going on and nothing even close to what happened has been guessed. Shit’s about to blow up. The anonymous tip was ‘called in’ about thirty minutes ago, which means we’ll be seeing someone walk in right about… now.” SB smiles, as two cops walk down the hallway toward Matteo and his locker. Headmistress Sheldon follows closely behind, keeping her face locked down with professional duty.
Teo’s eyes meet mine and he stands tall, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks like he’s come to terms with whatever’s coming his way, but then he smiles, amusement coloring his features and it catches me off guard. It shouldn’t. He called me on this when we were still in Nancy’s office. Hell, he probably could’ve guessed this was coming the day he saw me walk through the front doors of Salvatore Prep, so it’s apparently laughable now that the cops have reached him and are informing him they’ll be searching his locker with the permission of the Headmistress due to an anonymous tip, leading them to believe he may be in possession of drugs.
“Be my guest.” I hear him say, resigned to whatever fate I’ve deemed for him.
When they pull out the small bag of white powder, his laugh becomes a little louder, a little more prominent.
“You have the right to remain silent…” The cops read him his rights as they cuff him, grab his things, and drag him away. The whole way out he looks smug as hell and I almost wish they were really going to book him. If I ever plant drugs on him again, I’m definitely using cops that aren’t bought and paid for by mynonno.
Ten
Alessandra
“You’re nothing but the sweetest little liar, aren’t you? Couldn’t help yourself but to keep things hidden from us. Always making the big calls on your own with no regard to the people that love you most in the world. A selfish woman. That’s what you are. You have no idea what’s about to happen and it’s breaking my heart, and yet, here I am by your side wishing with everything I am that you’ll just survive. I’ll give you up forever if it just means you stay alive.Please. Please just keep living. I won’t be your tomorrow, but you can keep my heart forever. Just knowing you’re still breathing will be enough to keep me at peace. Don’t stop fighting. I know you still have enough left to fight for, even when you wake up and I’m gone. I love you so much it hurts. I have to make myself hate you and it’s eating me alive. Now it’s my turn to make the big calls and I can’t be here anymore.” I hear the sob caught in the throat of my lover and can’t seem to figure out how to tell him that I’m here and that he’s wrong. He can have all of my tomorrows.
I’m yours. I’m here. I’m alive. I’m coming back to you. Don’t go, Matteo. Don’t leave me…
I wake up on a gasp, my heart in my throat as I feel the hurt from my dream. It feels as though I’ve been submerged into the iciest depths of the sea, unable to breathe while I drown in my sorrow. Was that real or just a dream? Was it a manifestation of my imagination clinging to the misguided hope that my soul is reaching for? There’s no doubt about it, my heart will always call to them, even as we meet on the battlefield of the brutal war waged between us caused by the misconception of things they don’t know.
“We don’t have hearts left to break.”
That’s what Cohen said to me before he walked away from me two weeks ago. Without so many words, telling me that he knew I’d come for them. My heart will always find theirs. Whether for good or bad, I’m intrinsically tied to them. For better or worse, I don’t need to vow it for show. It’s something that was recognized and confirmed by the universe when we met. They belong to me for better or fucking worse.
Deciding to get up and wash the nightmare sweat off of me, I look over to see that it’s four thirty in the morning and luckily I didn’t stir enough to wake Ren. Our alarm won’t go off for another hour, but there’s no way I can go back to sleep now. I already feel sweat soaked and sick to my stomach so there’s no chance I’ll be able to work out.
What’s normally my first choice to work out aggression feels like it’ll just end up making me feel worse. What I need is a scalding hot shower and a hot cup of tea to settle my nerves.
They’re all obviously convinced I’m going to become the ultimate bully and pull some shady shit and it’s screwing me up mentally that I proved them right. I don’t understand what I’m even doing right now. I don’t know who I am. Let’s be real, big elaborate pranks aren’t really my thing. Everything I’ve done is a one off because I felt pushed to that point, but I couldn’t even follow through with any of it and cause them real harm.
I’d much rather let people hang themself with their own rope. The guys should know me better than that, but can I blame them with all the shit I’ve pulled? Just my being here should be enough to dig the dagger in, though that seems to be backfiring with how much it’s killing me inside.
Despite my original plan to come in guns blazing and ready to physically throw down in the school like I was recreating an old school western movie or some shit, it's just not who I am. I only fight when fighting is necessary. There’s a difference in being a bad bitch and being a dumb bitch and I feel like I’m straddling the line right now. Everything I’d thought of doing was fueled by heartbreak and now I need to sit back and think logically.
Seeing them fucked me up a bit more than I anticipated. I thought I’d prepared myself enough, but I was dead wrong, and I should have known better when it felt like a punch to the gut just seeing Noah at the salon. Seeing all three of them with their masks of indifference firmly in place hurt so much more than I could have ever prepared for and instead of dealing with that hurt, I masked it with anger. I dug my heels in and made things worse.
If I were a lesser woman, I’d have turned tail and run as fast and as far as possible. Or maybe I have that backwards and I’d be a better woman for walking away. My issue is that I don’t know how to back down. Forever a glutton for punishment, I guess.
As of right now, it has to be enough for me to show up and shake them up by not so subtly shoving my relationship with Ren in their faces, as petty as that may be. Psychological warfare starts with me being here. It goes far enough to show them that just because they left me for dead, doesn’t mean I’ll roll over and accept defeat. I can’t make myself pull any more stunts, but I’m here to make them pay for what they did to me by showing them that I’m not going anywhere and I’m strong with or without them, even if that feels more like a lie than it ever did before I met them.
A huge part of me wonders if it’s really that I want to mess with their heads or if I’m steadfast in my need to be here because it’ll hurt more to be away from them. All this back and forth in my mind is giving me a massive migraine and I’m solving nothing. I still don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just trying to convince myself I do.
I have to follow through with all of my plans to take over the family business. I don’t need them. They’ll see and it’ll be the final nail in the coffin to forever ruin what we’d built. It’s going to be my closure and I’ll move on, leaving them behind as nothing but a treasured memory. Because no matter how much I hate them, I’ll always fucking love them more.
Turning the shower on as hot as I can stand it, I stand under the spray of water and let it wash away my restlessness and the weight of their loss that’s constantly sitting heavily on my mind. Before I walk out of my house today, I need to re-apply my armor. I’ll be dressed to the nines, with my hair looking perfect and my warpaint on.
There’s something to be said about a cat eye liner and some red lips that make a bitch feel like she could fight the world and come out on top.
I scrub my body raw with my magnolia scented soap like it can wash away all of the mistakes I’ve made and the demons I carry. In the deepest recesses of my mind, I can see how some of this is partially my fault for not being open and honest about everything. I was driven by my need to protect them, and okay, also by the part of me that’s always been independent and has a hard time including people.
I feel marginally better when I step from the shower and into my big warm bath towel. Tucking it in just above my breasts, I start in on my face and brush my hair into a high pony on the top of my head, while channeling my inner Arianna Grande. With the right makeup, it’s a fierce look that I find myself happy with.
Moving to the closet, I decide that I don’t need to go as hard as I did yesterday with the over sexualization of my school uniform and don my clothes in my normal fashion. Button up, skirt, blazer, and some thigh highs with long socks under my boots. All done up like a proper anime school girl.
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