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Don’t get me wrong. I’m thankful to still be alive but the minute Ren said the words, “you… died.” My first thought was, well why couldn’t I have stayed gone? Morbid as fuck, and selfish, no doubt, but that doesn’t make it any less true, now does it?
The thing is, without Noah, Cohen, and Matteo, I’m not really living anyway. They are part of me in a way that no one else is. And I know they’re gone. If I’d died and they weren’t glued to my side, then I can guarantee they left me for dead after Raffaele shot me.
How in the actual fuck could they leave me like that? I’m so goddamn angry, I’m not really even sure how to handle it. I clearly can’t fight from a hospital bed. I can’t fuck the pain away. Though Ren might need some therapy when I’m done with him, because when I’m finally healthy again, lord knows I’ll be fucking his brains out. Gotta make every moment count, right? I somehow lived for a reason.
Was it my natural fighter's instinct? Was it some voodoo priestess magic bullshit? Maybe one of the gods has finally taken a liking to me, though that seems unlikely since they’ve been dicks to me my whole damn life.
“Where are they?” I ask, barely able to look him in the eyes right now. I’m not sure I actually want the answer.
“I don’t know.” Ren replies with an apology written all over his face. He looks like he’d rather have gotten shot himself than be the one to tell me this news. I won’t lie, it hurts. It hurts more than if one of them had shot me themselves. Idiedand they’regone.
Ren’s hiding his emotions fairly well, but I know the depths of his heart. He’s clearly just as affected as I am. I think he was really hoping to connect with his brother once they finally accepted that I wanted them both. Maybe he’s even finally feeling the levels of betrayal that Matteo was struggling to deal with this whole time.
“Are you okay?” I question, worried about how he’s holding up too and immediately hating myself for wishing I’d have died because the guys aren’t here. Renishere. He’s here and he deserves so much better than me. I’m falling apart and he’s still fighting for me, even knowing that my heart isn’t whole enough to be okay anymore.
“I just never thought that I’d lose you as quickly as I had you. I fucking love you,mia bella. I need you to know that you are a part of me in every way. Losing you, however briefly it may have been, gutted me. If there hadn’t been the smallest sign of life, I’m not sure I’d have been able to continue living. I felt as if my soul were being brutally ripped from my body when I’d thought I lost you. I’ve never known that kind of pain in my life and I’mIl Diavolo. Pain is my job.”
“Look at me,il mio re.I love you too. I’m so sorry I put you through that. What happened after your grandfather shot me?”
“To be honest, I’m not really sure. I woke up in the hospital with no knowledge of anything that happened, or how I had gotten here. There were traces of rohypnol in my system, but it appears as though I was only given a small dose—that or due to my size, it didn’t affect me as badly as it would have if I were your size. Either way I was deemed fine. When they asked me to give them consent for surgery, my only concern was you. Piero filled me in on what he’d heard through the grapevine while I waited for your procedures to finish. Though my grandfather is long dead so I didn’t bother with many of the details.
“You were all I could focus on anyway. You had lost too much blood, shot just a hairsbreadth from your heart—roughly six inches or so actually. The bullet was lodged in your chest and you had started to bleed out from what I understand. It was sheer luck that it hadn’t fragmented and nicked any major arteries or done damage to your spine. By the time you’d reached the hospital, the blood loss and severe stress to your body had sent you into cardiac arrest. They had to use a defibrillator to shock you back to life. Because the blood loss was so significant, they had to do a transfusion. You died twice overall. They considered it a miracle when you came back to life the first time. To do it a second time had the whole hospital convinced you were in cahoots with a higher power,” he chuckles low and deep in his chest, like he can’t really believe it himself.
“More like, Lucifer and I are buddies,” I joke, winking at him to lighten the mood a little bit.
“I’d like to think you just fought your way back to me, but I know there’s a part of you that belongs to them. I know you need them to be here too. I’d have moved heaven and hell to make them be here, but I couldn’t make myself leave you and to be honest, having them here by force might have hurt you more than it helped you. They haven’t answered any phone calls or text messages either. Not even from yournonno.” He says, hardly restraining his own frustration at our situation.
“It’sfine. I’m fine…” I lie through my teeth and Ren sees right through me giving me a look to call me on my shit. “Okay so, maybe fine isn’t entirely accurate. I won’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt that they’ve left me, but it was their choice to make. If they want to be so pig headed and insecure that they can’t see beyond themselves enough to realize that we’ve always had a plan to make us all work, that’s on them.”
My broken heart gives way to the anger building up inside of me, bubbling over like a boiling pot ready to burn everything in its path. I look up at Ren, letting my emotions bleed out of me.
“We betrayed them in their eyes. Of course those fucking dickheads couldn’t bother to wait and see what’s true and what isn’t, so fuck them for leaving us behind. I died, but I’m not fucking dead. Those assholes are going to wish they’d never made me fall in love with them. I need to get healthy and then I want them to feel every ounce of this pain too.” I growl my words out, my voice taking on an unrecognizable hardness, even to my own ears. I find myself looking into the eyes ofil Diavolo. Ren is already lost to the monster inside of him at seeing my fury unleashed.Perfect.
* * *
Trailing a finger softly around Ren’s face, I lean in and kiss him slow and deep. Taking my time and showing him how much I love who he is and how much I appreciate him. A tingle of awareness shoots through my spine and I become instantly aware of how much I need this man. Dropping my hands to his bare chest, I take advantage of being on top of him and push myself up to grind on him a little, just enough to tease us both.
“We can’tmi amore. Don’t torture me.” His voice rumbles in his chest and then he flips which causes his hips to shoot forward, sending his dick straight into my aching core. I spent two weeks in the hospital and then another six weeks in recovery and physical therapy. I’m finally healthy enough to take advantage of my husband properly and I’m so fucking ready for it.
“I’m not an invalid Ren. The doctors deemed me healthy and perfectly capable of jumping back into training a week ago, so if you’re going to continue to not let me out of this bed to work out, you had better work me out yourself. Right here, right now.” I lift an eyebrow at him in challenge and a sick thrill of pleasure rolls over me when his eyes darken and his breathing changes.
Lust is such a powerful emotion and I thoroughly enjoy watching it physically manifest itself in this sexy as fuck killer. That should be a turn off, and yet… Well, here we are. I watch as he fights his natural instinct to take me hard and fast, with me pinned beneath him, as he ruins me for all other men. He wants me.Bad. But he wants me safe and healthy even more. The logical part of him knows I’m back to my take-no-shit self and have even cleared all of my physical training with the several doctors under his very own employ, but I know he’s still struggling with the emotional baggage of me dying, however briefly it may have been. He’s barely let me out of his sight since we’ve left the hospital.
“Stop trying to tempt me into such sinful acts,mia bella.Perchè sei così sexy?” He grumbles, his voice pitched low and full of sensual promise.
When I push him off of me and move to climb back on top of him, he doesn’t stop me, but instead, his hands skim the waistband of my sleep shorts, teasing me softly with the rough calluses on his skilled fingers. He dips his hands inside of the back of the boxers I’m wearing, just enough to grab a handful of my ass and grind my core down on top of his thickening length.
I lean down and trace the seam of his lips with my tongue, which quickly morphs into him taking control of the kiss, devouring me like he’ll never have me again. I’m living for this kiss. It tells me without words everything I need to know about how he feels. It tastes of passion, love, and devotion. I let him kiss me until we can no longer breathe. Friction works it’s magic as we grind into each other, sending a torrent of endorphins through me that overwhelms my senses entirely. I’m so hypersensitive I could come right now, but I don’t want to just yet. I want to make him come first. Ineedhim to come first.
I slowly pull away from his mouth and start a trail of languid kisses down his jawline, enjoying the way his rough stubble feels against my skin. Goosebumps break out across my body at the thought of it leaving lasting marks between my thighs. The thought of the burn it would leave behind damn near has me squirming on top of him.
As I move down his neck, I press a kiss to his long stemmed rose and realize that I never really got the story behind the roses at all. Growing more curious, I lick the outline of the tattoo and ask him softly,
“Why have you always sent me black roses?” I continue to draw my lips down his neck and place kisses across his collarbone causing him to moan before he answers me. The noises he makes… mmm, this man is easy to get lost in.
“Have you ever heard the tales of how the devil found true love?” he rasps out.
Unwilling to remove my mouth from its path down his broad chest, I give a small shake of my head to indicate that I haven’t and then use my tongue to play with his nipple rings alternately. I could spend way too much time here. His piercings are hot as hell and turn me on to the point of desperation.
