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ALLIE
Jamal grabbed a box of doughnuts from Yummy Nutty Doughnuts and walked over to the rocks at the Overlook. I sat on a rock next to him, bundled up in my winter jacket because it was freezing, and stared out at the raging sea.
Something about being here with Jamal felt … pretty fucking terrible.
I couldn’t stop thinking about what Jace had said to me earlier—that one little question that made me rethink how shitty I had been to him lately. “Do you love him?”
His words had been so soft, so fragile, so freaking vulnerable. They brought back so many raw memories of being together with him, of laughing by the sea, of the first time I could be somewhat happy after my father’s death.
When I told him that I didn’t love Jamal yet … his face dropped. But I wanted him to tell me that he fucking loved me still, that he wanted to be with me more than just screw around with me. I wanted him to tell me not to go with Jamal, to rip me away from the front door and press his lips to mine.
You’re mine, Allie. Mine to love.
That was all I had wanted to hear. If he had said those six little words, I would’ve stayed with him. I wouldn’t be here with Jamal at the Overlook, having cream-filled doughnuts and pretending like I could ever be truly happy without Jace.
“How was your night?” Jamal asked, opening the box and pulling out a powdered doughnut. He glanced over at me. “And your father?” he asked, words coming out almost too quiet.
I tore apart a Boston cream doughnut, watching the cream ooze out. “It was as good as it could’ve been,” I said. “It was pouring. The ground was muddy. I nearly got hypothermia. But … I’d do it again to see him.”
And who could forget that Jace had come with marigolds?
Jamal scratched the back of his head, as if he didn’t know what to say. But what could you say to someone who was still grieving over her father’s death?
He looked down at my doughnut. “Are you going to eat that, or are you gonna let it cream all over you like that?” he asked, catching some of the cream filling on his finger right before it dropped on my black jeans. Lips curled up into a smile, he pushed his finger toward me, wanting me to suck it off.
I pushed his hand away and let out a giggle. “No!” I said, shaking my head and trying to move away before he could stuff his finger into my mouth.
Yet he wrapped an arm around my waist and was holding me closer.
“Come on, Allie,” Jamal said.
After rolling my eyes, I grasped his finger, acting as if I were going to suck off the cream. He gazed from my eyes to my lips and watched me pull his finger closer. And right before I sucked it off, I thrust his hand right back into his face, getting the cream all over his cheek and nose.
I shot up and hopped from rock to rock, playfully running away from him.
“Allie!” Jamal shouted.
I glanced over my shoulder to see him tossing the doughnuts down on the rock and following after me.
“Get back here!” he said, voice entangled with laughter.
But I didn’t stop. I continued leaping from rock to rock, trying to be careful not to slip on the slush. It was fun, a breath of fresh air—something I hadn’t thought would happen since Jace and I had broken up.
Yet here I was, with Jamal, his best friend, finally smiling again.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and tugged me to him, pulling me into the air and throwing me over his shoulder. “You’re not going anywhere, Allie,” Jamal said, walking back to the rocks and our doughnuts.
I let out another small laugh, trying to wiggle out of his grip.
When he placed me down on the rocks, I sat and grabbed the box of doughnuts. “No more Boston cream. They’re too messy.”
Jamal widened his dark brown eyes and wiped the cream off his cheek with his finger. “Are they? Or do you just make a mess with them?”
We stared at each other for a few moments, my smile fading slightly. Guilt washed over me, and I didn’t know what I felt guiltier for—sleeping with Jace last night or being here with Jamal now.
I was so lost in my own thoughts that I didn’t catch Jamal leaning in to kiss me. Not on the lips. Not on the cheek. Right on my jaw.
I tensed up for a moment but let him do it because it felt good to be wanted like this again. Years ago, Jace used to talk to me at the Overlook, tell me his deepest and darkest secrets, and make me pinkie promise that everything we said was between us and us only.
