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JACE
Isnatched an entire bottle of whiskey from the kitchen, collapsed on Carter’s couch, and put the bottle to my lips. I fucking hated myself, loathed myself, wanted to kill myself for what I had done to Allie. It was worse than sophomore year—so much fucking worse—to break her heart now.
Worst of all, I had fucking driven her further into Jamal’s arms.
Some cheerleaders from the team tried sitting next to me, but I told them to fuck off. Nicole knew to stay away. I spotted her a couple times in the other room before I drank so much that I couldn’t see straight.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, and I ripped it out, hoping that it was Allie.
Dad: We’re extending our vacation for a few more days. How’s Allie?
After typing out the words fuck you, I erased them and shut the phone off without ever responding. He’d fucking beat the fuck out of me for ignoring him these past two weeks, but I didn’t fucking care. I took another swig. This was his fucking fault.
Grabbing a second bottle, I took another gulp of it and lay back on the couch, closing my eyes. My entire body fucking ached, and it wasn’t because of the shit game tonight. It was the same kind of pain I had experienced sophomore year after I purposely lied to Allie and made her feel like trash.
That pain never fucking left. It was a constant reminder that I’d learned to deal with.
I hated seeing her in Redwood’s halls with tears in her eyes and a pain that I could feel deep in my bones. I wanted her back, I wanted her with me, I wanted to love her freely again. But that would never happen.
Someone walked into the empty room and turned on the light, making it shine brightly.
“What the fuck?” I mumbled. “Leave me the fuck alone.”
Jamal sighed. “Get up, Jace.”
It was that fucking asshole.
“Do me a favor and stay away from my fucking stepsister,” I said to him, my words slurred.
Fuck him being my best friend. A best friend wouldn’t go after the one girl that I fucking loved with my entire fucking heart.
Jamal grabbed the bottle from me. “I’m bringing you home.”
I shoved him away from me and stood, almost toppling over. “Give me that fucking back.” I reached for the bottle and stumbled when Jamal pulled it out of reach from me. I curled my hands around his collar. “Give it to me, you fucking asshole.”
“You’re drunk,” Jamal said.
“Why do you fucking care?” I asked, shaking my head and finding a beer bottle that someone had left on the coffee table. “You don’t give a fuck about me. You’re fucking around with my sister.”
Jamal pressed his lips together, flaring his nostrils. “Let’s go.”
Snatching his collar, I pulled him closer to me and glared right into his eyes. “You’re screwing the only woman I have ever loved. This entire time, you knew that I loved her. Yet you still fucking did it.”
“Because you treat her like shit.” Jamal shoved me away. “You have for two years now.”
I wanted him to hit me. I wanted him to fucking hit me so hard, knock me out so I could forget for a couple hours, so I didn’t have to live with all the stupid fucking things that had led me here, to this very moment, feeling like this.
“And you think you could fucking please her the way I could?” I asked, curling my lip.
I shoved him back and made him stumble into the wall. Some people looked over at us.
“You think you’re fucking man enough to make her happy?”
“Get your hands off me,” Jamal said through clenched teeth.
By the way the vein in his neck twitched, I could tell that he was getting angrier by the second, but Jamal always kept his cool. It was hard as fuck to get him so angry that he hit something or someone.
I grabbed on to his collar and thrust him against the wall again. “Or what are you going to do, Jamal? Hit me? Fucking do it then. Fucking hit me,” I shouted at him. I wanted him to do it so fucking bad.
“I’m not going to hit you,” Jamal said so damn calmly that it made me angrier.
When I knew he really wouldn’t, I shoved him away from me and stumbled out of the room, shaking my head and trying not to topple over on my ass. “Fuck you, dude. Fuck you. Leave me the fuck alone.”
Pushing through a group of people, I walked out of the house and toward my car. My keys weren’t in my pocket—Jamal must’ve fucking taken them—but I didn’t give a fuck anyway. I wasn’t driving. I just wanted to be alone.
After slamming the door shut, I hurled my fist against the steering wheel over and over and over until it was numb. I slumped back into the seat and cursed myself out. I hated my life. I really fucking did.
Ten minutes later, Jamal knocked on my glass window. “Get out, Jace.” He pulled the door open and dragged me out of the fucking car. “I’m bringing you home, dude. Don’t try to stop me.”
I stumbled to his car and sat in the passenger seat. Staring out the foggy window, I shook my head. Allie would never be mine again. Never.
