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ALLIE
Jace Harbor had ruined my life. I wanted to ruin his.
I walked down Pierce Road and knocked on Jamal’s front door. After I had convinced Imani that I was fine—because I fucking was—I had decided that Jamal was my only hope for making Jace hurt and for actually being with someone who could love me for me.
I might’ve been a bad person for coming here, but Jace had made me into one.
Jamal’s mom answered the door in an extra-large Redwood Academy nightshirt and her signature purple silk hair wrap. “Baby, it’s been so long since I saw you!” She opened the door wider for me to come into the house and enveloped me into a hug.
After promising myself that I wouldn’t cry—because being hugged by someone motherly felt so good—I hugged her close. Jamal’s mom had baked so much food for Mom and me after Dad died. We’d had dinner with her almost every night.
“Jamal!” she shouted up the stairs. “Get your ass down here.” She turned back to me. “How you doing?”
I gave her my best smile, lips quivering. “Good.”
Jamal’s ten-year-old brother, Marquis, ran down the stairs and leaned against the wall, smirking at me in his Spider-Man pajamas. “Hey, Allie. Here for me?”
Jamal’s mom smacked him on the back of the head. “Get your ass back to bed. She ain’t here for you. Tell your brother to come down.”
Marquis rubbed the back of his head and stomped back up the stairs. “Jamal! Mom wants you. She’s gonna beat your ass if you don’t get down there.”
Jamal’s mom shook her head and followed him up the stairs. “Marquis!” she shouted, disappearing into the upstairs hallway.
A door slammed shut, and Jamal appeared at the top of the steps, smirking down the hall toward Marquis’s room.
He jogged down the steps in a pair of gray sweats that did him wonders. I swallowed hard and smiled at him, curling my arms around his waist and pulling him close to me. When he rested his arms around my shoulders, I relaxed almost fully in his arms, not because I was a girl falling in love with another football athlete, but because he felt like my childhood—when I hadn’t had problems like this.
“Let’s go out,” Jamal said, glancing up the steps and listening to Marquis screaming and crying like all out-of-control ten-year-old kids did after they knew they had done something wrong but done it anyway.
After grabbing a coat, Jamal drove us to the better side of town, where we could walk around and not be afraid of getting jumped by the Poison boys or any other goons who acted like them. He parked on the side of the road and walked with me to a fast-food joint, ordering large fries to split.
I slid onto a chair and grabbed one, trying hard not to think about Jace being out with Nicole tonight, about him touching her the same way he’d touched me, about him whispering to her all those sweet nothings that I’d believed.
“You wanna talk?” Jamal asked.
I thrust my head into my hands and blew out a shaky breath. “I don’t know. I—”
“Allie Hall!” Someone clapped their hands onto my shoulders and squeezed hard. Carter—Redwood’s most annoying quarterback—leaned down close to me. “Out of all the athletes you could come out with, you chose Jamal?”
Jamal tensed and stood up. “Get your fucking hands off her, Carter.”
Carter pulled his hands away and lifted them into the air. “Didn’t mean to insult you, J.” He threw Jamal a wink and walked toward the other side of me, grabbing a fry from the center of the table. “Think Allie deserves a bit more than you and a shitty large fry for dinner.”
I flared my nostrils and clenched my jaw, nails digging into my palms.
“How about you, me, and a steak dinner at Charlons?” Carter said to me.
“No,” I said, keeping my gaze on Jamal. “I’m quite fine with fries and ketchup.”
Carter smirked at me, grabbed a hundred-dollar bill from his wallet, and tossed it toward Jamal. “Treat her to something nice, J.” He leaned in close to Jamal and stared at me. “Then, tomorrow at practice, tell me how long you lasted in bed with her tonight.”
Jamal shoved the money and his hands right into Carter’s chest. I stood up and maneuvered my way between them before Jamal lost his shit and made Carter eat his fist. Snatching the fries and Jamal’s hands, I pulled him out into the cold.
“Forget about him,” I said, glaring back into the restaurant at Carter, who wiggled his fingers in my direction to say good-bye.
We walked in silence for a few moments until Jamal calmed down.
“We need to talk,” I said after some time, thinking about Carter’s comment. “Jamal, I can’t sleep with you,” I blurted out. “And I really can’t give you all of me,” I whispered, glancing down at my fingers. “I’m sorry for leading you on and making you think that there was more between us than just friendship, but I loved Jace for so long … it’s so difficult to get him off my mind, and this—between us—is so wrong.”
“It’s wrong from both ends, Allie. You’re my best friend’s ex-girlfriend and stepsister,” Jamal said, brushing a piece of hair from my face. “I shouldn’t have kissed you or taken you out, but I was tired of seeing him treat you like shit. He dumped you like you never meant anything to him and constantly makes your life hell. I’ve told him to cut that shit out, but he won’t.” He paused. “I know I don’t have much, not even a bit of what Jace has, but I want to treat you how the always-smiling Allie I grew up with deserves.”
“Jamal,” I sighed, letting his name run over my tongue with such sorrow. I shook my head, knowing that though Jace had broken my fucking heart, I didn’t think I could ever truly love Jamal as more than a friend.
I wanted to love him—I really did. But I couldn’t—and I wouldn’t be able to. Not now. Not until I healed.
“I can’t,” I whispered. “I don’t want to hurt you just because he hurt me.”
“At least stay over then,” Jamal said. “One night. Give me one night.”
“One night,” I whispered. “Just one.”
