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KAI
After taking Imani down from the rope suspended in my room, I laid her on the bed and undid her legs. She curled up next to me, pulling the blankets over her naked body and staring at the plain wall opposite my bed.
“Is Landon staying here?” Imani asked, spotting Landon’s stuff on the couch.
“For a bit,” I said.
She furrowed her brows, hurt flashing onto her face for a moment, and then she turned onto her belly, elbows posted on the pillow, and stared down at me. The light bounced off her brown eyes, making them glow in the dim room.
“Will you tell me what’s going on?” she asked, her lips curled into a frown. “Why do I need to learn how to shoot a gun again? Everyone, even my mom, has been acting different lately, and I’m nervous.”
But Imani knew exactly why she was here. She wanted to learn as much as I wanted to teach her. Still, I didn’t want to tell her that her life was in danger. I couldn’t protect Dad or Mom. I could protect Imani. I wanted to protect Imani.
So, could I tell her about what Akio had said to me yesterday? Could I tell her that his parents were after her? Could I tell her that she might needed to defend herself at some point?
No.
“You know things are getting more dangerous,” I said, gently caressing her hip bone. “I want you to be able to defend yourself if anything or anyone tries to hurt you. I can’t let anything happen to you.”
She swallowed hard. “You know something, don’t you?”
After glancing from eye to eye, I clenched my jaw and looked away, unable to lie while looking her in the eye, unlike João. “Tonight, at Poison’s place, we have a meeting with Nicole, head cheerleader and head bitch. Meet me back here after. I want to teach you to shoot.”
“Okay,” she said after a few moments, as if she believed me without question. “But … if you’re going to teach me how to shoot a gun, then I get to ask you something, and you have to answer me honestly.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“What’s going on with you and Allie?” she asked, eyes suddenly wavering and voice breaking. “I see the way you look at her. I don’t know what … I don’t know what it means. But I need to know, Kai. I need you to tell me.”
I stared at her, desperately wanting to tell her. Because I did. I wanted to tell her everything that I’d been holding back. I wanted to tell her about my father’s motorcycle accident and my mother’s death a short time after. It hadn’t been an accident, and she knew that. But she didn’t know the extent of it.
She didn’t know who Allie really was to me. Neither did Allie.
After swallowing hard, I brushed my knuckles against her cheek and pushed some thick, curly hair behind her ear. “I want to tell you,” I said, knowing that this might break her. Hell, knowing that it would. “I really, really do.”
I stayed quiet for a long time, my breathing hitching. I couldn’t say it. I wanted to tell her so badly, but I couldn’t. I physically couldn’t.
“But you’re not gonna tell me, are you?” Imani asked.
I didn’t wanna tell her no, but that was what I had to tell her.
“I can’t tell you. Not right now. But I can tell you that I don’t like her the way I like you. I don’t think about her the way I think about you. She doesn’t mean to me what you mean to me, Imani. You’re the best fucking thing to happen to Poison.”
Imani sat up beside me and suddenly pushed my hand away. Instead of lying with me like I wanted her to, she stood up from the bed with a small blanket covering her tight body and refused to make eye contact with me. “I have to go,” she said. “I have to get back to class.”
I knew that if I had told her, she would’ve stayed with me. Imani would’ve fucking stayed.
“Imani, please, wait.” I jumped up from the bed and followed after her, rushing through my small downstairs before she ran up the stairs. “Please, you have to believe me. I really want to tell you.”
“If you wanted to tell me, then you would tell me. I want to know what she means to you.” Imani turned around to face me with tears in her eyes. “João won’t tell me that he loves me. I know you won’t tell me whatever I mean to you. I just … I feel so helpless.” She sobbed. “Because I love you guys.”
Almost as if she hadn’t known what she was saying, she slapped her hand over her mouth and widened her eyes. Then, after another moment, she shook her head and dropped her hand. “It doesn’t matter. You already know that. I fucking love you guys, okay? All I want is for you to be happy. And maybe … maybe I want you to love me too.”
“Imani,” I whispered, my heart racing.
I’d been so alone. So fucking alone for the past few years. I didn’t have any family. João and Landon were the only two people I really spoke to anymore. And now … now, Imani was telling me this.
“Please, stop,” I begged.
But Imani didn’t stop. She found her clothes, then pulled them on, and then she grabbed her things and ran out the door.
I didn’t blame her. I should’ve fucking told her.
