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“What’s wrong?” she asked, glancing over at me with worry in her eyes.
I stared at her for what seemed like an eternity, not wanting to tell her that I would never be over my mother killing herself. I would never be able to heal from that pain, knowing that my mother had had such a shit time in Redwood and had done everything she could and still could not survive down here alone.
I had tried hard to make this life livable for her, but I’d failed. I’d fucking failed.
Instead of saying anything, I pulled the note from my pocket and held it up in a shaky hand. Imani’s eyes widened, and she suddenly shuffled up to the headboard and pulled me closer, her arms wrapped tightly around my body.
“Oh, João,” she whispered.
While I had vowed to be the strong man that nobody had to care for all those years ago, somehow, I crumpled in Imani’s arms. I hugged her closer to me and found myself sobbing in her embrace, my entire body trembling hard.
“I miss her so much,” I said quietly so Ana wouldn’t wake up.
“I know,” Imani whispered, dragging her fingers through my hair. “She was your mother, João. Of course you’re going to miss her. I know you like to put up a front around Ana, but she sees it too. You’re allowed to cry. It’s okay.”
I crawled up closer to her and hugged her tightly. “I love you so fucking much. I can’t afford to lose you, too.”
