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IMANI
“No,” I whispered.
I smacked a hand over my mouth to hide my sob. This couldn’t be. Ana couldn’t have HIV. She couldn’t live day after day, feeding herself pills for the rest of her goddamn life. I … who … fuck.
João stood beside me, jaw twitching and fingers pressed so hard against the countertop that they turned white. I didn’t know what to say to him. That had to be one of the most fucked up things I had ever heard.
How could a father let that happen? How could someone live with themselves after letting their daughter crawl all over bloodied needles? Ana’s life was and would forever be in danger, especially if she didn’t get medication.
No wonder João hated his father and all the Redwood rich.
Instead of telling him that it was okay—because this wasn’t in the slightest—I placed a hand on his back, slid it around his torso, and ended up hugging him from the side, holding on as tight as I could.
“I’m sorry, João,” I whispered into his shoulder. “I’m so sorry this happened to her.”
João stayed quiet for a while longer, the only sounds coming from Ana in the tub with her mother. Pulling away from me, João turned his back. “Don’t cry, Imani. There’s nothing you can do about it. It happened, and I’m the only fucking person who can help her now.”
“João”—I placed my hand on his back again, refusing to let him move away from me—“you don’t have to do this alone. I want to help you. If you had trusted me from the beginning—”
“What would you have done, Imani?” João snapped, turning toward me and seething. “Spread gossip about her all over Redwood? Made her the laughingstock of the fucking town? Huh? You can’t do shit for her.”
My lips trembled. “I don’t know what I can do, but … I want to try.”
I needed to do something, figure out who had given her the illness, find his father, retrieve some medicine so João didn’t have to worry about finding it for her anymore. He looked like he was driving himself insane because of this.
“I’ll get you something,” I said even though I knew that he didn’t believe me. “I promise.”
“Don’t make empty promises.”
“All I want to do is help.”
“I shouldn’t have even told you,” João said, shaking his head.
“Then, why did you?”
“Because I …” He paused and swiped a hand across his face, the wicked and rageful glare dropping. “I’m tired of doing this alone.”
Stepping closer to him again, I pushed some hair out of his face. “You have Poison, and you have me now. You’re not doing this alone. If you let me, I’ll help you without spreading rumors, without telling everyone, and without leaving like your father.”
João stared at me for a couple moments. “How do I know I can trust you?”
“Because I’m not going to leave you upset tonight,” I said, letting my fingers drift down the side of his face. “Let me stay here tonight with you. Let me show you that I don’t care about how fancy the house is that I stay in, how expensive the food is, or how perfect you think my life is.”
João stared at me for a couple moments, lips twitching. “You wouldn’t.”
“Watch me.” I pulled out my phone and dialed Mom’s number, stepping toward the front door. “Mom”—I lowered my voice and walked out onto João’s sidewalk in the middle of the Redwood slums—“please, can I stay over at Allie’s house tonight? I’ve been in the house, studying all week, for hours on end. I think it’d be nice to recharge.”
Funny thing was that I’d rather spend the night here, in the shitty side of town with a man that I hated, than go back home and face the devil herself. If that didn’t say how terrible my life was, I didn’t know what could.
“It’s a school night, Imani,” Mom scolded through the phone. “No.”
My stomach tightened, and I had the urge to smash my phone to pieces and throw up my lunch. I fucking hated her so much. She could never let me do anything that I wanted or anything that I needed.
“Please,” I whispered.
Desperate.
That was what I was.
