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LANDON
Leaning against Imani’s car, I pulled out a pack of cigarettes and stuck one into my mouth. Seeing her get out of the car with João this morning pissed me the fuck off, and I hadn’t been able to think clearly all fucking day.
Fredrick even kicked me out of last fucking period. I had been waiting for classes to end for the past forty minutes, so I could talk to Imani and try to make up for hiding Misty from her for the past week.
Imani hadn’t answered any of my calls or texts last night, and I needed to talk to her so badly. Last night, while Mom and Dad were having another fucking screaming match upstairs, I had made the hard decision of telling Imani about Misty.
I didn’t want Imani to think I was cheating on her because … that feeling sucked more than I wanted her to know. I just didn’t want her or any of the other guys to look down on me for getting help through therapy.
Kai hadn’t needed anything after his father died, and João thought that only rich kids had therapists. Technically, in Redwood, it was true. Nobody in the slums could afford that kind of shit, especially when all of the therapists catered to the rich. No matter how fucking accepting they acted, they didn’t care about all the poor kids because we couldn’t give them any money.
At least Misty liked being paid in weed.
The bell rang, and a couple moments later, people started to spill out of the doors. I lit the cigarette, nerves shooting through my body, and paced in front of Imani’s car.
What if she doesn’t believe me? What if she doesn’t want anything to do with me? What if—
After taking a deep breath, I tossed my cigarette to the ground and stomped it out with the heel of my boot. Misty had told me to stop thinking in what-ifs but … fuck, it was so hard. It was comfortable. That was all that I had fucking known for the past eighteen years.
Imani walked out of the front doors, her hair in two puffs on top of her head and her gaze on her phone. I frowned and rubbed my sweaty hands together, my heart pounding. Fuck, I hated feeling like this. I fucking hated it.
I couldn’t wait until tonight. João had some fucking asshole we needed to deal with later, and I really needed to get this tension out somehow. And smashing someone’s face in was definitely the only way that I liked to do it, too.
“What are you doing here, Landon?” Imani asked, approaching me and crossing her arms. Under the gray clouds sitting overhead, Imani’s eyes looked darker than usual, so closed off and distant.
I grabbed her hand, and she let me.
“I want you to meet Misty.” The words came out of my mouth so quietly that I didn’t know if she heard them.
But her eyes widened, and she got all quiet. “Who is she?”
“You’ll see.”
I grabbed her hand and walked with her down the street toward Misty’s house. Since it was Friday, we weren’t supposed to be meeting today, but she told me that she’d be around until six tonight, and I needed to pay her anyway.
“Is she really your cousin?” Imani asked, tensing. “João said that he hadn’t heard of her.”
“Yes, she’s my cousin.”
“Are you sure?”
After glancing over at her, I stopped on the sidewalk and took her chin in one of my hands. “Yes, Imani, I’m sure she’s my cousin. I wouldn’t be able to see her if she wasn’t. She’s … she …” My throat seemed to close up when I tried to tell Imani who she really was and what she did for me.
All I felt was ashamed to say that I was so fucked up that I needed therapy.
“She’s who?” Imani asked.
A couple moments passed, and I grabbed her hand tightly again and continued walking toward Misty’s house, passing all the fucking mansions and sports cars parked in the driveways of people who had shit I had never had and never would have.
“You walk all this way every day after school?” Imani asked, breathing heavier. “Jesus Christ, she must be good at whatever the hell it is she does for you.” After a couple moments, Imani stopped and hiked her thumb back in the direction of Redwood. “You know, I could have driven us.”
“We’re close,” I said.
Imani sighed softly and continued beside me, inching closer every moment. “I’m sorry that I didn’t call you back last night. I wanted to give myself space. I don’t want to hurt you unintentionally, and that’s all I seemed to be doing yesterday.”
I tightened my grip on her hand and squeezed, not knowing what to say. I didn’t do apologies well. Hell, I didn’t do anything with relationships well. What was I even supposed to say back to her?
When I spotted Misty’s house, I made a beeline for it, cutting through people’s yards and driveways, stepping over their plants. All I cared about was making sure Imani believed that I was trying so hard to get better for her.
