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NERO
The minuteLily finally rushes out of the office, I shove the woman away before she can even touch my cock.
“Stop, please.” I bark, my heart pounding. Bile rises in the back of my throat, and I have to grip the desk to keep from retching.
Fuck.
I can’t believe I just did that. But even though it was the plan to send Lily running, it doesn’t make it any easier.
“So, you don’t want a blowjob?” the woman asks, confused. She gets to her feet.
“No.” I pull out my wallet and grab a couple of hundreds. “I can’t. Take your money and go.”
She shrugs, plucking the money from my hand. “Whatever. Easiest money I ever made. Call me if you want me not to blow you again,” she adds, with a wink, strutting out the door.
I can’t even look at her. All I see right now is the look on Lily’s face when she opened the door. The betrayal. The pain.
The utter heartache.
I know how she feels, even if she’ll be cursing my name now for all eternity.
Fuck.
I find the nearest bottle and take a long gulp. Whiskey. The alcohol burns going down, but it’s nowhere near enough to overpower my guilt and shame.
This is what you wanted. A voice reminds me. This is why you set the whole thing up.
I take another gulp, filled with self-loathing. Yeah, I planned this. Just to hurt her. I knew she’d come looking for me. I knew she’d try and talk me into letting her stay. And fuck it, I knew, that if she gazed up at me with those big blue eyes, and put her hands on my body, and whispered she was mine, I’d fold.
She’s my biggest weakness. my greatest liability.
And the only one who matters in the whole goddamn world.
I’d do anything to keep her safe from harm—even breaking both our hearts to make it happen.
And now, I have.
She hates me. I could see it written all over her beautiful face. She’ll never forgive me for what she thinks I’ve done with that woman—and that’s the point. Nothing happened, but I need to make sure that once she goes, she stays gone, hating me until the day I die. Because she may not see it now, but she’s better off without me. She’ll get to live the life she deserves, far away from my twisted world. I can’t keep putting her in danger, just by loving her.
I have to protect her. And that means saying goodbye.
So why does it feel so wrong, pushing her away?
I shake my head. It doesn’t matter what I feel. This is the plan, and I’m sticking to it. I’ll make sure our divorce is public knowledge, and she’ll be out of the city. If everyone knows we’re not together anymore, she should be safe.
That’s worth any pain I might have cause her or myself. As much as I feel like a piece of myself just died, I’d rather break my own heart a thousand times than see her hurt again—or worse, dead.
I look around. I don’t want to stay in this room a moment longer, but I can’t face the thought of going home.
Home.
It’s not going to feel like a home anymore. Lily’s flight is tomorrow, and after what just happened, I’m sure she won’t miss it.
Then, what’ll be left for me at that house? Fuck. I realize that I’m not ever going to be able to face that building again. I bought it for her. To give her the kind of palace she deserved. Now, it’ll just be a large, empty space with reminders of her around every corner. The moments I got to hold her.
The few, precious nights we shared together in my bed.
I drink again—and I don’t stop. The only thing that’ll help me now is oblivion, and it can’t come soon enough. I’ve loved that woman since I was seventeen, and I’ll keep on loving her until the day I die, but she’s out of reach now. I’ll never see her again.
Lily’s gone.
