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I close my eyes and run my hand back over my hair. Of course she’d be able to tell.
“Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just—” I start to ask if she’s heard anything from Julia about tonight, but I know better. And hell, I don’t really want to explain. It will be out in a few hours and she’ll see it then. So instead I ask for what I needed earlier. “Sunshine, tell me about your day.”
Chapter 15
Rux
The game was fucked.
That news about Baxter getting out beforehand was bullshit. The whole team was off. Out of sync. Late to pass. Missing opportunities we shouldn’t have missed. Vassar, who usually plays like a beast, looked like he just woke up. Popov almost scored on us. If it wasn’t for Diesel pulling out a last-minute save, we would have been the laughingstock of the league. And me? Hell.
Three trips to the sin bin, zero points. It was rough. Coach looked like he was going to have an aneurysm. And after that dumpster fire of a game, they made the announcement. Baxter came down to the press room from wherever he’d been watching from. Julia stood off to the side. And we watched as he gave an emotional speech about what playing for this team meant to him. About how his life had been about hockey for as long as he could remember. He talked about injuries and overcoming odds and then he talked about the concussions.
He talked about making the hardest choice of his life, and looking forward to finding out what was next.
By the end, Coach looked like he was about to spring a leak, and truth, I got a little choked up myself.
I knew it was coming.
Or at least I’d been telling myself I had. Maybe that wasn’t quite true though, because watching Greg shake hands with the GM and take a deep breath before giving the press a final wave—fuck.
On the way out, he walked over and pulled me in for a solid hug.
And then he and Julia walked out together, and I felt… deflated.
I didn’t call Cammy after, just got my shit together, climbed into my car and headed to her place. I like being alone with Cammy, but most of the time I’m a little bummed I don’t get to see Matty after my games. Tonight though, I’m glad the little guy doesn’t have to see me when I walk in through her front door and straight into Cammy’s arms. She’s so much smaller than I am but damn, the girl knows how to hug. She peers up at me and I can see her eyes are a little red.
“That was tough,” she says against my chest. “Did you know when I talked to you? Is that what was wrong?”
I take a deep breath of her hair and neck, soaking in that warm vanilla scent of her. “I heard a rumor. Didn’t know if it was legit, but I had a feeling.”
“Greg didn’t talk to you?”
I tell her about the missed call and not being able to connect with him before the game. That I’d known what was coming for months.
“But it’s not really the same as having it actually happen,” she says, understanding in her eyes.
Reluctantly drawing back, I run a hand over my face. “No, it’s not.”
My legs feel like lead as she pulls me over to the couch. When we sit, she’s too far away, and I manhandle her some, scooping her into my lap to hold her close.
This is what I need.
I lean back and she tucks her head against my shoulder.
“You okay?” The question is soft, gentle like the woman asking it.
“I’m freaking out, Cammy,” I admit into the quiet of her apartment. And when her palm flattens against my chest, I cover it with my own. “Don’t think I told you, but before I started playing with Greg, I was headed back to the farm team.” Hell, I’m not sure they would have even let me play at that point. I take a heavy breath, the past weighing on me like it hasn’t for years. “I was losing everything.”
She lifts her head, a little stitch pulled between her eyes. “You said you had a sort of rocky start, but I didn’t realize it was that… precarious.”
“Yeah, not many people did. Hell, at the time I didn’t know how close I’d come to losing everything. Found out later, Coach had already made the call to let me go but held off after seeing me with Greg. Decided to see how things played out. What we could do.”
Beneath my hand, hers fist in my shirt, holding tight. “I’m glad he did.”
“Me too.” I lean forward to press a quick kiss to her forehead. “Thing is, it’s not like I was playing like crap or something. I was good.On the ice.Off the ice I was fucking up. It was a… rough time in my life. I was volatile. Doing stupid shit. Letting my mouth run, looking for trouble. Drinking too much. Fighting.” I close my eyes, remembering the torn skin across my knuckles, the blood in my teeth when I saw my reflection in the broken glass over the bar. The bar owner, a friend, telling me to get out. That he didn’t want to see my face again. He wasn’t the only one. “I’d worked my ass off for so damn long, made so many sacrifices to get where I was, made so many choices that cost me in ways I didn’t fully appreciate at the time. All to get my shot, and I was throwing it away.”
“God, Rux, why?”
