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I watch my son take his father’s hand, feeling like I can’t breathe. Like I’m never going to be able to come back from this. Like it’s all fun and games until your seven-year-old son walks in on you wearing a man’s shirt with your ass in the air.
“Cammy, come on.” Rux takes my hand. “Let him put his stuff away and we’ll get changed.”
I nod as he leads me back to the bedroom… where I stop and stare, guilt cramping my stomach. It looks like the clothes exploded off our bodies in here.
“Sunshine.”
“It’s okay.” Frantic, I start grabbing stray socks and jeans and belts and shoes, shoving all of it into his hands. “Hurry.”
I pull on the leggings I never got to before Rux arrived. Socks. An elastic for my hair. “I’m going to go check on Matty. What do we do? You can’t slip out.”
“No, I’ll say goodbye to him and then take off.” He’s standing there in his jeans, bare chested. The way he’s built, it’s hard to imagine him ever being anything but confident and sure. But the way he’s rubbing the back of his neck, his mouth sort of caught between a smile and frown, says that’s not how he feels. “I mean. If you want me to. I could stay and help. I’d like to.”
“Maybe not tonight. He’s sick. And you don’t want to catch anything, right? Rux, where’s your shirt? We need to go.”
He lets out a gruff laugh. “Babe.You’re wearing it.”
I look down.Shit.
Another flash change, and I’m ready. Jeremy is waiting for me outside Matty’s door, not quite meeting my eyes.
“I’m really sorry, Cammy. I tried to call but there wasn’t any answer and it went from fine to meltdown crying about wanting to go home in a blink. He said you’d be home, and he had a key and… Shit, he was so upset and wanted to be home and—I didn’t think.”
“No, Jeremy. I’m sorry.” He’d been trying to call, and the reason I didn’t hear it was because I’d been in the shower with Rux. My son needed me, and I wasn’t there.
I feel sick.
“I always have my phone, and this time—”
He holds up a hand, shaking his head, a half-pained, half-pleading look in his eyes. “I get it.”
The awkward apologies go back and forth for another minute, and then Matty steps out of his room, the stuffed animal he decided to leave behind this morning clutched against his chest.
“Where’s Rux?” he asks, and I catch the slightest wince from Jeremy.
“Right here, my man.” Rux ducks out of my room, completely dressed.
“You’re leaving? But I just got here,” Matty whines, looking completely pathetic.
Rux’s eyes cut to mine. He offered to stay. But… I look away.
“Sorry,” he says easily. “I need to take off. But I’ll check in to see how you’re doing tomorrow.”
They bust knuckles and Rux gives me a quick kiss on the top of my head.
I turn to Jeremy. “You don’t need to stay. I’ve got this. Go clean up your ficus and see if it’s salvageable.”
Rux hangs back, waiting. But Jeremy runs a hand over his mouth. “So, I was wondering…” He clears his throat and shoots a quick glance at Rux before turning back to me. Voice low, he leans closer. “Cammy, I know it’s my own fault that I have no idea how to take care of our son when he’s sick. But I want that to change. I want a lot of things to change. Do you think maybe Icouldstay? So the next time he’s at my place, if something like this happens, I don’t have to bring him home.”
What he’s saying makes perfect sense, but the part of me that’s not entirely rational… That’s possessive of the son I’ve raised alone bristles at the idea of Matty being anywhere but with me when he’s sick.
Selfishly, I want to be the only one who can give him the comfort he needs.
But that’s exactly what it is… Selfish.
My eyes cut to Rux where he’s still waiting for me to boot Jeremy out like I have him.
I’ve already been too selfish tonight.
