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What if I hadn’t been here? What if I’d been out on the lake for one of those summer booze cruises Rux invited me to last summer? What if I couldn’t get back?
More than being the one Matty turns to when he feels bad, I want my son to have the security of knowing, even if I’m not around, there are other people who can take care of him, who love him.
So as sour as the words taste on my tongue, I say them anyway.
“Sure. Of course, you can stay.”
Chapter 18
Rux
“Oomph!”
I sail across the ice on my back, muttered f-bombs dropping in my wake.
That’s what I get for having my head up my ass instead of on the drills, the puck, and the players who got screwed having to practice with me this morning.
I’m off my game after last night. Cammy was so upset. Matty walking in on us freaked her out. Hell, of course it did. She doesn’t want him building up expectations about something that isn’t going to happen. We’ve been so careful about how we act in front of him, and in one moment all those efforts went to crap. I get it.
But watching her close down, shut me out—fuck, that was brutal. And then that bullshit with Jeremy standing there, looking like all he cared about was learning how to take care of his son, pissed me off. I’m sure he cares about Matty. It’s impossible not to. But I’ve seen the way he looks at Cammy, the way he looks at me. And last night wasa move.
One I need to put aside.
“Aww shit, sorry, man,” Kellog says, cutting to a sharp stop beside me, a guilty look in his eyes. “Thought you were—” He shakes his head. “You okay? Didn’t ring your bell, did I?”
“No, man.” Thank fuck. I’d never forgive myself for letting the team down if I’d cost them another player with a concussion. “Don’t sweat it. Totally my fault. I’m fine.”
Circling back into position, he points his stick at me. “Sure?”
“I’m sure.” I won’t let it happen again.
We run a few more drills and I get my head together, find that place where there’s only the game. By the time the whistle blows, I’m pouring off sweat and feeling more like a player and less like a jealous boyfriend. But it’s still there, hovering at the edge of my mind.
Are we good?
How late did Jeremy stay?
Did he try something?
Did he make her smile? Jesus.
I’ll feel better when I talk to my girl. I want to hear her voice. I want to see her eyes. And hell, maybe I want to hear her tell me what a tool Jeremy is. How useless. How Matty didn’t care if he was there or not.
Only as soon as I think that, I feel like the world’s biggest shithead because who wishes that on anyone? What I ought to be hoping for is Jeremy stepping up as the best damn dad the world’s ever seen. Because I want it for Matty.
I do.
But I want something else for Cammy. Something better than the selfish prick who abandoned her when she needed him most. If I thought that I was good enough, I’d have put a ring on her finger already. But I want more for her. I want the best. But first, I want just a little more time with her before she finds it.
I hit the showers and get cleaned up. Have lunch with the guys.
We’ve got a game tonight, but I’ve got an hour or so to kill.
“Hey, Sunshine, how’s the sickie?” I ask from the car, hoping maybe I’ll be able to stop over.
“How does one little body produce that much puke?”
“That bad, huh?” There’s a weary groan through the line and I hate the sound of it. “How about I come over and give you a hand for a while? Bring you something to eat.”
