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“Are you kidding me?”
He stares me down. “I heard there are rumors of a trade.”
I swallow. Fight the urge to check my phone.
“That’s all they are. Rumors.” For now. At least they were the last time I checked. But with Baxter out for good, everyone’s been watching. Waiting to see how all the pieces fall into place. Which ones don’t. “If it happened, they could come with me.”
Jesus. I can’t believe I said that. But the words were out before I could tell myself I wasn’t allowed to. That I’m not supposed to want that.
Jeremy snorts at the ceiling. “Tear her away from everyone she loves so you can spend half your season leaving her alone in a city where she knows no one, where the support structure she’s built for herself over all these years is nonexistent. And what if the next city isn’t a fit? What if you end up traded again the next year... just as soon as Cammy and Matty start to lay down roots?”
Next year, or hell, the next month. There are guys who’ve been traded nine times in one season. And while that’s extreme, there’s no guarantee I won’t be moving again the next month or a few after that.
In some ways my career is as unpredictable as I am.
It’s never bothered me before. Or maybe, it’s more that I’ve never had a reason that it would.
“And I know I’m not on your radar with all this, but if you uproot Matty from his school and friends, you’ll also be taking him from the only grandparents he’s ever known and the father he’s just getting back. Because how the hell am I supposed to leave the job I’ve had for less than a year, pick up and move, find a new job when there’s every chance you might end up moving again a few months later? How is Matty going to feel about having to give me up?”
“We don’t know that any of that is going to happen,” I say, my throat sounding like it’s coated with sandpaper.
Jeremy looks at me hard. “You really selfish enough to think that Cammy would be happy like that? That a life like that would be good for Matty—hell, for anyone except you?” He shakes his head and turns back to go upstairs again. “Think about it, man. I know you care about them. Maybe it’s time you show it.”
* * *
Cammy
When Jeremy comes back empty-handed,I lower my voice and ask, “You going to tell me what that was about?”
He gives me a warm smile and a wink. “Later.”
I check my phone, but nothing from Rux.
Me: Everything okay?
Rux: That guy wants you.
A part of me wants to tell him he’s off base, but all it takes is looking up and finding Jeremy watching me from over our son’s head, seeing the look he isn’t even trying to hide in his eyes, and I can’t.
And that isn’t something I’ve been expecting, though everyone else seemed to be.
Years ago this would have been a dream come true for me. Literally. I couldn’t even begin to count how many times I woke up with tears in my eyes having imagined Jeremy coming back. Wanting me back. Wanting us.
But now... there’s no elation. No joy. Just the gnawing anxiety that this man isn’t someone I can count on. And if he’s not actually here for Matty, or if he is, but only because he’s thinking package deal... then what does it mean for my son when I tell his father no? Will Jeremy disappear from his life as quickly as he returned?
I feel sick at the thought of my baby having to go through that kind of rejection. That kind of heartache.
I need to talk to Jeremy tonight.
Dinner happens in a rush, and I let Matty and Jeremy handle the bulk of the conversation then ask Matty to take a shower instead of a bath, so I have few minutes alone with his dad.
“Rux seems to think you might be interested in me again,” I say from the kitchen doorway so I can make sure Matty is gone.
Jeremy watches me for a moment, and then leans back in the chair Rux usually takes. “He’s right.”
“Is that why you’re here? Is that why you’re back? Because if you’ve been going to all this trouble with Matty, making him believe that he’s the—”
“Whoa, no, Cammy.” He shakes his head, shoving out of his seat to walk toward me. And then his hand is on my arm and his face is in front of mine, eyes searching and intense. “I would never use our son for anything. Yes, I want you. I want both of you.”
