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“I’m fine,” I choke out, checking my watch again and wondering what’s keeping my kid. “Hey, Matty, you need some help packing up in there?”
Jeremy rubs the back of his neck and gives me an apologetic look. “Sorry, Cam. You’re always so organized and have him packed up ready to go when I get him at your place. I should have had him ready to go. We were just… having a good time and I guess, selfishly, I didn’t want to miss any of it by having him getting ready to go.”
“Oh. Um, okay.”
He clears his throat before meeting my eyes again. “Actually, I was kind of hoping we’d get a chance to talk anyway.”
Talk?
Now that Jeremy has all my attention, I notice the way he’s balling his hands in his jeans pockets and the sort of anxious vibe coming off him. My heart sinks.
“What is it?” Is he moving again? Leaving? Oh God, if he tells me that he’s leaving our son again when he’s only just become a part of his life. When Matty believed he was going to have an actual father—
“Cammy—” Jeremy takes a step closer, his hands coming up to my shoulders as he searches my eyes. “Hey, look at me. Whatever you’re thinking, stop. I’m asking if there’s any chance that maybe once in a while I might be able to keep Matty for more than just an overnight. If maybe we could have the second day too or even a second night.”
I shake my head, trying to clear the haze of panic enough to let the words filter through.
“No?” Jeremy asks, stricken.
“Oh, no. I mean, not no. I— I thought you were going to say something else and I—”
“You thought I was going to bail again.” He says it without judgement but there’s no mistaking the remorse in his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Jeremy.”
He swallows. “Don’t be. You have every reason to think that way. I’ve given it to you. And all I can do is keep on showing up and hope that with enough time you’ll be able to start believing in me again. Trusting me.”
I want to tell him I trust him already, but he’s right. I don’t. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, for him to realize life without a kid is more his speed. For some pretty distraction to step into his life and those priorities he swears by to change again.
He can see me wrestling with what to say and squeezes my shoulder. “In time, Cammy. I’m not going anywhere. In time, you’ll see it. In time, I’ll earn back your trust.”
Taking a breath, I try to clear the moisture from my eyes. “Hey, Matty?”
“One second, Mom,” he calls back as I swing the door to his room open.
“Honey, I have a zillion errands to run this afternoon. Would you like to come with me or… hang out here today and have your dad bring you home after dinner?”
Thirty minuteslater I’m parked in front of Rux’s place.
Matty was beside himself, and Jeremy’s gratitude unmistakable. I had nothing to worry about. My son’s heart was fine. Jeremy wanted more of being a parent, not less. So why do I feel like I’m coming apart at the seams?
From the second I walked out of Jeremy’s door, it was like I was on autopilot. All I wanted to do was talk to Rux. Tell him how my mind had automatically gone to Jeremy abandoning Matty again, how even finding out that quickly I’d been wrong, I’m so shaken I can hardly breathe. I want him to pull me into his arms for a hug. Even one of those half hugs would do, because what I need right now is to feel some of that unwavering strength around me.
But like a total chicken, I’ve been sitting downstairs worrying over whether I should go up. He ought to be home. Morning skate is over and the charity dinner he’s attending isn’t until seven. But as Rux pointed out, he has a lot going on. That psycho Waters keeps trashing him in one article after another, and the trade rumors are prevalent enough now to reach even me.
Would I just beone more thing, when he already has too much?
God, I wouldn’t have even thought twice about going to him when I was upset before. And if I had, Rux would have reamed me out for being crazy. Because he was my guy.My bestie.
He said that wouldn’t change. And yeah, things might have felt a little off in a way I couldn’t quite pinpoint since last week, but maybe I needed to have a little more faith in the guy who’s never let me down.
I’m halfway out of the car when I see him and, God, it’s like I can breathe again. Like the world is right and it’s only going to get better once he pulls me in to his side.
He’s grinning, overlong hair blowing around in the wind as he holds the lobby door open. I raise my hand to wave, but stop halfway when a tall, slender brunette steps out. She’s gorgeous. Beaming beside him. And before I can even try to talk myself into a scenario where she’s just another tenant who happens to be leaving at the same time he is… she grabs his arm with both of hers and bounces as she starts walking beside him.
* * *
Her name is Danika Lennox.I didn’t even have to wait a full day to find out who she was. Didn’t have to go to Julia to find out either. All I needed to do was sit at the kitchen table and google Rux on my phone while my microwaved frozen entrée got cold.
