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“I didn’t know that.” Why didn’t she tell me?
“She never said it, but even at ten years old, twelve, seventeen, she was dreaming of something bigger than the inside of a house that was too small with too many kids who needed too much from her.”
Caroline smooths a hand over Otto’s always wild, blond baby hair. “Something better than a mother who took advantage of her but she loved too much to say no to… even though it meant missing out on all the things she made sure we never missed.Wegot to have friends, we got to play sports, join clubs, and try out for plays… because she never did. She didn’t complain. She loved us. But when she drew those pictures— her on a bike, at a bakery with French bread. In a sidewalk café. Walking along the Seine with glamourous friends —she was imagining a future that was finally about her. Where it washer turnto do more than soothe teething toddlers or do laundry after everyone else went to bed.”
I don’t have to look to know there’s a stack of Otto’s baby clothes folded on the coffee table. There always is.
That’s the life that’s inside these walls.
It’s the one I want. The one I chose, because I’ve always been able to choose. Because I’ve already had the chance to do and see so much.
But Nora hasn’t.
Caroline clucks at Otto, holding his cheek to hers as she rocks her weight from side to side. “Nora’s been waiting her whole life for her turn, and do you know what she said when I talked to her last night?”
I can barely force the words past my throat. “What did she say?”
“That she wasn’t sure if she could leave you and Otto. She thinks she’s in love.”
It’s like a blow to the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of me. The very confirmation that would have been everything an hour ago now sounds like the lead weight keeping Nora from flying.
“Thing is, she loves all of us too. And that love cost her her childhood. She’ll give up everything for you if you let her. So, the question is, are you going to let her?”
I want to throw up. I want to put my hand through a wall, but instead, I take a deep breath and meet Caroline’s eyes. “No, I won’t. Nora’s going to Paris.”
Chapter 20
Nora
The last two weeks have gone by in a blur.
In the beginning, it felt like I had forever here. March was months away.
All the time in the world.
And then suddenly, not.
Now the days, hours, and precious minutes are flying by. With so few left, I can’t ignore what’s coming any longer.
And it’s not just me. Axel hasn’t said anything, but he’s been different too.
He’s still the confident, sexy man making me laugh and smile. But it’s there in the way I catch him looking at me and the beat too long it takes his eyes to match his smile. It’s there in the way he makes love to me, like he needs to remember every second. Like he needs me to.
It’s there in all the moments when our eyes meet and I can feel that connection pulsing between us and I think,this will be it.This is where he asks me to stay.
Only instead, he asks how my French lessons are going or if I’ve read the article about the restaurant inLe Maraishe texted me. If I’m making a list of all the things I want to do when I get there.
I’ve mastered the art of the noncommittal answer, but I don’t care about what I’m going to be doing when I get to Paris.
All I can think about is the time I have left here with Axel and Otto. It’s nearly two in the morning, and I’m staring at the ceiling, counting down the baby baths and bottles I have left. The delighted kicks when I come in to pick Otto up after his naps. The moments when he rests his tiny hand against my chest and stares up into my face.
Wiping the tears from my temples, I climb out of bed and cross the hall.
Standing at the side of his crib, I watch Otto sleep. His tiny chest rises and falls, his lips pursing and smoothing.
He’s so much bigger than he was that first day he came home.
I wonder what he’s going to look like a month from now. A year.
