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She didn’t want to be pushed away.
“Luke seems like a good guy.” He shook his head and looked away.
“He’s not you.” She let out a breath and stepped closer to him.
“Tab,” his voice came out growly, like a warning.
“Nobody will ever be you.” She paused a couple of feet from him and waited. “All you have to do is say the word, and it’s over.”
Tabitha knew it wasn’t fair to Luke, but she’d given parts of her heart away a long time ago. Archie Stryker wasn’t just her childhood friend. He was her first love. Nobody forgets their first love, even if it was a secret. Even if they never admitted their feelings. It was still something that couldn’t be just swept under the rug.
It was lasting, regardless if they wanted it to be.
His chest rose as he rolled back in his chair. “You even went into the guy’s room last weekend.”
“I thought it would make you jealous and you would stop pushing me away.” She moved to kneel in front of him. “I thought you’d finally give in to this.” She gestured to the space between them. “I was in there for all of two minutes as we planned out another idea for content.”
He shook his head. “The guy is visiting you, for fuck’s sake, Tabitha.”
“He’s also making content while he’s here. His agency is paying for it.” Didn’t he get it? Didn’t he understand he was the one she wanted? She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.
“You deserve to be happy.” He shook his head. “I’m not the guy who can give you that.” He ran his hand down his face in frustration.
“Do you remember when we were at the clubhouse playing darts? You turned it into a game that was supposed to be fun, truth or dare. You dared me to find my happy.” She waited for his eyes to find hers. “I will never be as happy as I could be without you in my life. You can run and push me away, but just know, I will always still want you. You’re my happy, Arch.”
“I don’t have anything to give.”
“You’re all I need.”
“You have more in common with that guy. I saw the way you were together. You were happy. You could be happy.”
“You’re right.” She nodded. “I could be happy with someone else. They will never compare to you though.”
“I’m sorry, Tab.” He closed his eyes.
“Me too, Arch, me too.” She slowly stood and pulled her robe tighter around her body. “From this moment forward, I won’t have any regrets. This moment is on you. I opened up to you and chose you. But you pushed me away. We could’ve been great. We could’ve been happy.” She turned and walked out of the office.
Every part of her hoped he’d chase after her. She wanted him, but he wouldn’t admit he wanted her. Not out loud. Tabitha knew her feelings weren’t one sided, but she tried. She wanted to hear him admit he wanted her too, but he didn’t.
There was too much passion and history between them for it to have just been in her head. It felt like the last few weeks had been erased in a matter of seconds. She wouldn’t let him take her memories. She remembered the night he told her he’d always wanted her. She never planned on telling him.
Friends don’t keep secrets.
Were they even friends anymore? She didn’t feel like she could go back. They say it’s better to have the one you love in your life than not at all. The truth is, it’s painful to look at someone you know is like the other part of your soul, connected on this cosmic level, and not truly be with them.
She wouldn’t live her life with regrets. It was her life to live, and it was time to put herself first. She wouldn’t questionwhat ifany longer. Being with your first love, even for a moment, was all-consuming. It was like standing in the center of a volcano waiting to erupt, exciting and full of heat. Maybe the feeling wasn’t meant to last, but that didn’t mean it was any less special.
She would always love Archie, even if they couldn’t be together. At least she tried.
CHAPTER34
ARCHIE
Four Months Later
He adjustedthe ear piece as he stepped across the tile floor of the hall. It had been a long time coming, but they finally figured out Ryan’s plan. At least, part of it. He wouldn’t want to be here otherwise.
Archie wanted to see Tabitha happy, but he didn’t want to see her. It had been hard enough to push her away before. He didn’t know what he’d do when his eyes caught hers for the first time in months. Would he want to run to her? Could he pretend that his heart didn’t still race when she gave him that soft smile?
