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chapter 10
Ally – Five years later
The station was a bit of a bubble. Time marched on and our isolation meant that we largely did our own thing. The freedom was great, but at the same time, the seclusion meant I was kind of stuck too. We went on a ride a few weeks ago, doing exactly the same sort of thing we’d done a million times before, and it occurred to me that I was living in a loop. I was twenty-nine years old and I’d never had a real boyfriend. Hook-ups, sure, but never a relationship. It was kind of pathetic. I knew who I wanted, but I also knew it was never going to happen. I wasn’t stupid.
Unless I changed, nothing else would. I hadn’t exactly intended to go out and find a replacement, but maybe that’s exactly what I needed.
Then I’d happened on Phil.
It wasn’t love at first sight; I wasn’t even sure whether that was a thing. But he was nice enough. That was the problem though. He was… nice. On paper, he was everything a woman would want—he had a steady job, a house, he was settled and looking for a relationship. All those things were great, but there was no spark between us. I thought I could probably grow to feel more for him as things progressed, but we’d caught up a few times and I was still on the fence. I liked him well enough I supposed, but we were probably better off being friends.
It’d all happened pretty quickly. He'd asked me out a few weeks ago, inviting me to join him for drinks. We were at the pub, so I’d literally just shifted tables to sit with him. Was that dating? I hadn't thought it was a big deal, but he’d reacted like he’d won the lotto. It was flattering the way he showed me off to his mates. He’d puffed up his chest, acting like I was the most beautiful woman around. Since then we’d caught up a few more times. They were dates, I supposed, so maybe we were dating. Maybe?
There wasn’t much to do in Longreach at night except eat some grub at the pub or in a few of the restaurants the locals knew were decent, or go for a walk along the main street. Even still, Phil had made it as romantic as he could. He’d bought me flowers and had held my hand, pulled my chair out and opened doors for me.
After drinks that first night, we’d taken a walk and he’d kissed me. That was nice too. He was trying, and I was grateful for that. He made me feel special. Appreciated. Desired too. I couldn’t say I’d ever really felt that with anyone I’d been with. The hook-ups I’d had were a matter of need and want. There had been plenty of want those times, but the small things he did made me appreciate him. But I still couldn’t say that much more than friendship had developed on my end.
He’d been like an eager puppy. Sweet and attentive. Full of energy to show me that he was keen. I could tell he was disappointed when I’d politely refused to go home with him, but he said he understood taking things slow. He still wanted to see me again, so that was nice too. He’d called me the next day asking when I was coming into town again.
That next weekend we’d decided on the movies. I was standing in front of the motel with Craig and Sam while they decided what they were doing when Phil showed up and flashed the tickets he’d bought. Craig and Sam had been talking up going to see the same movie, so I’d invited them along. Going on a double date was fun. At least I thought it was until Phil got a little snippy. Craig hoarded the popcorn as per usual, and Sam and I had ended up in hysterics as we fought him for each handful. Phil didn’t join in. He sat there, hoarding his own popcorn with his arms either crossed over his chest glaring at the screen, or awkwardly wrapped around my shoulders.
I felt bad for him; I knew he was trying to make a good impression, so when he asked me to go home with him again, I didn’t want to reject him. Letting him down gently seemed like a nicer thing to do, so I suggested that he and I find somewhere we should share an ice cream together instead. The only place open in Longreach at eleven at night are the servos, so we’d ended up in a booth eating Golden Gaytimes before he drove me back to the motel. Sam and Craig were sitting outside their room having a beer when we arrived and patted the third chair they had with them when we’d walked up. Phil didn’t bother asking to come inside, and I didn’t invite him either. I think he finally understood that I wasn’t ready to do anything more than hold hands and make out a little.
That night he was coming out to the station to have tea with us. I thought it was a bit premature, but he insisted that meeting Nan and Ma was the gentlemanly thing to do. I was nervous as hell so when Nan snapped at me for pacing and told me to set the table, I did it just to get my mind off things. Decades of us sitting in the same spots meant that I placed the cutlery and mats down without even thinking. It was automatic now. I should have put more thought into it.
I smoothed down my one and only dress and headed outside to meet Phil on the veranda when I saw the dust trail coming down the drive. He stepped out of the car and I noticed he'd gotten dressed up too. He looked good wearing pressed pants and polished shoes as well as a button-up shirt. He filled them out nicely.
He came up the stairs and looked me up and down, smiling his approval. “You look lovely. Hi.” He kissed me then, a soft, lingering kiss. I could feel eyes on me, and that had the blood rushing to my cheeks, making them hot. Self-conscious and awkward, I stepped away and led him inside. I didn’t even realize I hadn’t spoken to him until I saw Jono looking at us. He smiled and nodded when we walked past.
Phil went to open the door, but I put a hand to his chest stopping him and smiled. “Hi. Thank you for coming.”
“It’s a hell of a drive. I’m glad you warned me that there were dirt roads. I wouldn’t have thought I was on the right track otherwise.” I didn’t like the tone he’d used. I couldn’t figure out if it was annoyed or just unimpressed, but I shook it off. Maybe he was as nervous as me.
“We love it here.”
He nodded and opened the door, shifting so I could go inside first. When the door slammed behind him, I flinched. Everyone knew that you didn’t let the door slam, didn’t they? Conversation ceased and I blanched. Every pair of eyes in the room shifted to us instantly, and I tripped over my words. “Um, ah…” I cleared my throat and watched as gazes skittered around the room, clashing. The silence was deafening.
Scottie rounded the corner from the kitchen with a platter in hand, and he made quick work of setting it down and holding his hand out to Phil. “G'day, mate. I’m Scottie. Nice of you to come out. Ma and Nan have cooked up a feast, so pull up a chair. Make yourself at home.”
“Thanks. Nice to meet you.”
Still holding Phil’s hand, I led him over to Ma who was placing the last tray of freshly baked bread rolls into a basket. Waru was there waiting for her and took the wicker bowl as soon as she’d dropped the final one into it. She looked up and smiled, and I wanted to hide. “Ma, this is Phil.”
“Evenin’, Phil. Thanks for joining us.” She held out her hand and he took it, shaking firmly.
“Nice to meet you, Mrs Pearce. Thanks for having me over.” He handed her a bottle of wine that I didn’t even realize he’d been carrying, and Ma smiled politely at him. It was the fakest smile I’d ever seen on her. She took the bottle and placed it gently on the bench, making no move to open it.
“Lovely, thank you.”
He wrapped an arm around me, puffing up his chest like a proud peacock and the desire to hide flared again. Everything about this felt wrong. His hands on me were possessive, not affectionate. It was as if he was staking his claim. With my mum. That combined with the door slamming and giving us a bottle of grog wasn’t a good start to the night.
I could forgive him for the wine. I should forgive him. Phil lived just outside of Goondiwindi. He wasn't city by any means, but it was obvious that he’d never stepped foot on a station. Anyone that had, knew that stations in these parts were almost always dry. We couldn't risk alcohol fuelled violence or the dangers of drunks going walkabout in the middle of the desert or fucking around on machinery, so it was easier to remove the temptation altogether. He either didn’t know it or didn’t care. I hoped it was the former.
Phil's introduction to Nan was a little smoother. She seemed charmed by his easy smile and he was the consummate gentleman to her. When Ma called everyone to sit down, he led Nan to the head of the table and pulled out her chair. Scottie hiked up an eyebrow and I gave him a backhanded slap to his arm and hissed, “He’s trying.”
He lowered his head to mine, speaking so only I could hear him. “You actually like this bloke?”
I shrugged. “I s’pose.”
