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“Seriously, I don’t.” I picked up my swag and moved it, before shifting theirs closer together. “We’ve been friends for a decade. You don’t have to hide with me anymore.”
“What?” Sam asked, his brow furrowed, his gaze snapping to Craig before settling on me again. I couldn’t see their expressions, but I knew in that silent moment a hundred unspoken words would have been said.
I wished I could communicate with them as easily.
I rubbed my forehead, frustration and exhaustion setting in with a headache that was starting to pound behind my eyes. It was late. Maybe I needed to let it go for the night. “It doesn’t matter.” I sighed. “But I’m not sleeping between you. The two of you can sleep next to each other.”
Craig shrugged and picked up his swag, moving it to the other side of the fire so that the three of us were surrounding it, rather than in our usual formation.
“Ally, what were you talking about?” Sam asked when we were lying down, the quiet crackle of the fire and the lowing of the cattle the only noises in the quiet of the night.
I puffed up my bag, shifting the contents so it was more comfortable to use as a pillow. “Let’s not talk about it now, Sam. I need some sleep.” My words were clipped, frustration more at myself rather than with them colouring my tone. He didn’t deserve any attitude, but I was broken, unable to censor my emotions anymore.
I closed my eyes, blocking out their questioning gazes and refused to deal with the discomfort that was now hovering between us like a bad smell. Sleep didn’t come easily, but I must have drifted off at some point, because when I blinked my eyes open, the sun was cresting the horizon, lighting the grey sky and turning it into a pale blue. It would increase in its brilliance throughout the day. Another perfect one no doubt.
I looked around only to see that Sam and Craig had moved their swags, bracketing mine so we lay in the shape of a boomerang curled around the fire. I shook my head and sadness overwhelmed me. Frustration too. Shaking out my boots, I slipped out of my swag and pulled them on before doing the same to my Drizabone jacket.
Dew had beaded on the suede, but it had done its job keeping me warm all night in the near zero temperatures out in the desert. I tipped the remainder of my water bottle over the fire before mixing the ashes and embers and taking Sam’s water bottle from his outstretched hand. Once I was satisfied the logs were cool to touch and wouldn’t reignite from the heat, I handed it back to him and rolled up my swag. The sun was higher in the sky now, and I heard the thwap, thwap, thwap of the chopper in the distance. Jono was on his way with our brekkie and fresh water supplies. We’d agreed to meet back at the original campsite to eat and begin the trek home. I made to move, ready to drop my rolled-up swag into the ute, but Craig grasped my wrist, standing close to me to stop me from walking away. Sam bracketed my other side, running a hand down my back to rest at my waist. “You okay, Ally?”
I shook my head and blew out a breath. “We need to talk. The three of us. I have something I need to tell you and I need you to know that you can tell me things too. I understand if you don’t want to tell me, but I need you to know you can. And that it’s okay.”
“What is it you need to tell us?” Sam asked.
Jono circled in the chopper overhead and I indicated to it. “Now isn’t the time. Maybe when we get back.”
“Okay,” Craig agreed. “Maybe we can talk tonight after tea.”
