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Ally and Ma hadn’t left her bedside in weeks, caring for her round the clock and we were all pulling extra shifts to keep everything running smoothly. With two people down, it’d been endless amounts of hard yakka, but we’d pulled through. We were all a little worse for wear though. By the time tea rolled around at night, we were all falling into our chairs, stuffing our faces and staggering back to our cabins to crash. We were all working on empty and even though Scottie was almost back to normal and Ally was getting back into it too, things were only getting busier. Now we were in the middle of calving season and we were scrambling, taking shifts to patrol at night keeping predators at bay, rescuing abandoned calves and getting them feeding on the bottle. Poddy calves meant round the clock feeds and keeping an extra close eye on them. Even though we’d brought them right up between the homestead and cabins, the feral dogs would still attack. They had no choice—the drought was taking its toll and they were starving.
Scottie and Macca were taking the night shift and Ally, Sam, and I would see in the dawn. Lying half-awake on the couch, I was contemplating heading off to bed. It’d be a bloody long day without getting some decent shut-eye, but I was comfortable and cool and I didn’t want to move.
The knock at the door had me cracking open an eye, and by the time I managed to sit up so I could stand, Sam was on his feet, the tele muted.
“Can I come in?” Ally called as I rubbed sleep from my eyes, still groggy.
“Yeah, course.” Sam pulled the door open and motioned for her to enter.
“Hey.” Ally smiled tiredly. She seemed happy, which was good; she wasn’t coming with bad news.
“Come ’ere.” I lifted up my arm so she could snuggle into my side. If I fell asleep like that, I’d be a happy man.
“I’d rather…" Ally motioned to the footstool I’d just had my feet up on. She sat down, elbows resting on her knees and clasped her hands. “I, ah…” She furrowed her brow and pursed her lips together. “I know we’ll see each other in a few hours, but I wanted to pop by.” She hesitated, not continuing.
“You’re always welcome here,” Sam said. “You wanna hang with us for a bit? Maybe have a cuppa?”
“I’ve just had a Milo with Nan. I wanted to talk to you guys, if that’s okay?” I nodded my encouragement and Sam did the same, while she sucked in a deep breath and blurted out, “I’m not really happy here. At the station. I haven’t been for quite a while. Before all this happened…” She waved towards the homestead. “I was thinking about leaving. Maybe not for forever, but for a while at least. I dunno if that’ll happen now, but with everything that’s gone down it’s made me realize that I’m settling. I’m not happy and I deserve better. I deserve more. I’m lonely. I want love in my life. I want… I dunno. More. Maybe that sounds selfish, but—”
“It’s not selfish, Ally.” I had to force the words out past the lump in my throat, not because I didn’t believe them, but because what she’d said both broke my heart and terrified me. I watched her take another deep breath, and I reached forward with shaking hands to clasp hers in mine. They were cool to the touch, a contrast to my clammy ones. My heart thundered in my chest, panic enveloping me with her confession. I’d always known it was a possibility—Ally meeting someone or leaving altogether so she could try something new. I’d just never expected it to render me a freaked-out mess. But every word she’d said was true. She did deserve more. “You deserve to be happy.”
“Yeah, I do.” She nodded, her gaze shifting from mine to Sam’s. “It’s taken a bit for me to figure out what I wanted, so…” Ally dropped her gaze and withdrew her hands from mine. “I’m just gonna lay it all out there.”
“Okay?” Sam hedged.
She blew out a breath and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear before shifting on her seat, moving so she sat cross-legged on the small stool. When she wiped her hands on her jean shorts and shifted again, it took everything in me not to soothe her nerves. “Tell us anything, Ally. We’re here for you.”
She looked down, playing with a loose thread on her shorts. “I know about you guys. I have since almost the beginning.” She wrung her hands together, never looking up at us. Ally continued speaking, her words coming faster again. “You’ve got this epic love story. You’ve been best mates since you were kids and then, what? High school sweethearts? You fell in love. You’ve travelled half the east coast together, working with one another and living the life. You’ve got decades under your belt as a couple and it’s obvious you’re happy.” Her voice dropped to almost a whisper. “I want that. I want you…” She pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose and still looking away, sucked in an uneven breath.
I sat there stunned. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I looked to Sam who had paled and swallowed heavily. That’s what she thought about us? That Sam and I were a couple? It was… I had no idea. I wanted to say it was so out of left field that I was shocked stupid, but at the same time, it kind of wasn’t. I’d thought the same but dismissed it before the idea could take root. It wasn’t right. We weren’t like that. But hearing her perception made something warm unfurl in me. Something that had been kept under lock and key. Hidden to everyone, even myself. Or maybe not myself. Maybe it was the giant pink elephant in the room. I’d conveniently ignored it for a couple of decades, but that big bastard was sick of waiting in the closet.
“Ally—” I started.
“Who do you want?” Sam asked urgently before he waved his hand and scrunched up his face. “I mean… don’t answer that. That’s not what I meant. You said, ‘I want you.’ What does that mean?”
“I didn’t mean… Never mind.”
“Didn’t mean it or didn’t mean to say it?” I asked quietly.
“I…” She sighed heavily. “It means that I wish the two of you would look at me like more than your sister. I’ve been half in love with you both for a decade and you don’t even see me, but that’s okay. You’re together—” I tried to interrupt, but she held up her hand, stopping me in my tracks. “The world doesn’t revolve around me. It’s not like you have to want me or whatever, but I hear rumours and if they’re true, I wish you didn’t have to do it. If you needed a beard, I wished you’d just come to me.” She huffed out a humourless laugh. “I want that for real.”
“Ally, we aren’t…” I said at the same time as Sam blurted, “We didn’t think you’d go for it.”
“We aren’t together,” I finished. “We’re mates. That’s it.”
“Sam?” Ally peered at him, waiting, her face serious.
“It’s true.” He looked away when he spoke, with a tone that I hadn’t heard in a long time. It was as if he was sad. But that couldn’t be right.
“Not what I meant.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “I wouldn’t go for what?”
“Oh.” He looked to me wide-eyed.
“Spit it out,” she ordered, looking imposing even as she sat there staring at us in a tiny pair of denim shorts and a black singlet with spaghetti straps.
“We both liked you and we didn’t want any of our friendships to fall apart, or to hurt each other, so—”
“So, you friend-zoned me.” Ally stood slowly, moving over to the window. We had a clear view of the southern paddocks from it, but at night, the only thing visible from inside our cabin was the dark. “How long?” she asked quietly.
