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I was exhausted. Years of yearning and it had come down to this. His words broke something inside me, grief overtaking me. The tiny spark of hope that maybe one day he’d finally see me in the same way that I saw him was extinguished. The loss of that tiny flame left me in darkness, stealing my breath and sapping my energy until I couldn’t even hold myself up anymore. I slumped, but Ally was there to catch me.
She reached up, her hand cupping my face. “I’m still here. Never forget that.” Her whispered words reassured me. I nodded and closed my eyes, soaking up her strength.
“Anyone else here have a problem with Scottie and Pete, and you can fuck right off. Sorry, Ma, Lynn.” Jono spoke with an authority brooking no argument. His reaction gave me another zap, like a defibrillator to the chest.
Craig stood still. Rigid. But when he turned to me, I knew. “C’mon, Sam, we’re leaving.”
Ally dropped her arms from around me, and I squeezed her hand before stepping up to Craig. I loved him. I always would, but I couldn’t keep torturing myself. He didn’t want me. He didn’t want us. Hell, it was probably a good thing that the three of us had never progressed past hugging. I could only imagine what he would have been like had I accidentally touched him. “No, Craig. I’m staying. I’m done running.”
“I’m not comin’ back for you, Sam,” he warned, stepping closer so we were chest to chest. “It’s been you and me against the world since we were kids. You’re giving that up?”
“No.” I shook my head. “You are. This is our home, Craig. This is where we belong, and you know it. But if you need to leave, I won’t hold you back. I’ve done far too much of that over the years to force you to stay. Especially when you feel like this.”
His jaw ticked; his teeth clenched tight. He narrowed his eyes and scowled. “It’s not right, Sam.”
I shook my head gently, disagreeing with him. My heart was shredded, lying bleeding with scrape marks and gashes from the wounds he’d unknowingly inflicted with his words. I had nothing left to lose by being honest. “It’s as natural as anyone else in love.”
He reared back like he’d been slapped and backed away from me. His eyes were wide as if he was seeing me for the first time. Maybe he was. His gaze hardened and he gritted his teeth again before his lip curled up in disgust with me. “Goodbye, Sam.”
I couldn’t say the words. My throat, thick with emotion, closed over, and I had to bite back a sob. I didn’t want this to be the end of us. Thirty-eight years of being together day in and day out. I’d loved him for more than half my life. Probably my whole life if I were being honest. Blinking away the tears threatening to fall, I whispered, “I’ll miss you.”
Jono clapped his hand on my shoulder. “Go to your girl, mate. She needs you.” I sucked in a shaky breath and held my head up, carefully hiding the emotions swirling inside me like the destructive winds of a hurricane as I turned to her. Ally met my gaze and she held it, stepping slowly towards me as I did the same to her. We sank into each other’s arms, and I took the comfort she was offering. The love. God knew I’d need every ounce of it when the shock of what had just transpired wore off and the knowledge that I’d never likely see him again sank in.
I couldn’t look. Couldn’t watch Craig make that last journey to our cabin to collect his things. I couldn’t be there to see Jono taking him to Longreach, knowing he chose prejudice and bigotry over me. Over his family. Over his home.
Ally nudged me towards the house, pushing me down into my seat. “I really hate that this station is dry sometimes. I need a fucking whiskey.”
Ma pulled the step out and Den eased her out of the way. “Where is it?” he asked.
“Top shelf. Back right. There’s only one bottle.”
He reached up, feeling around and lifted it out. His face fell when he saw that it was indeed whiskey, not Bundy Rum like he drank. He shrugged and took it to Ally where Ma had already placed the small glasses. There was only enough in the bottle for one shot each, but it would have to be enough. The closest bottle-o was a four-hour drive and even though Jono would be passing it, he wouldn’t bring any back with him even if we asked. He respected Ma’s decision to make the station dry far too much to give into the temptation to have a drink, even if these were extraordinary circumstances.
Ally passed around the glasses—one for me, Den, Ma, and Nan. Neither Waru nor Yindi drank, so they stuck with the ginger beer Den had pulled from the fridge for them. Finally pouring one for herself, Ally raised her glass. “Cheers,” she mumbled, before tossing back the shot. She cleared her throat, and I did the same, tears springing to my eyes as the aged whiskey left a trail of fire when it slid down my throat.
I coughed and gasped. “Smooth.”
Nan hummed. That woman was double my age and twice as strong as a damn bull.
We sat quietly and Waru finally spoke. “I didn’t realize the fire was so close. Blond tangled himself in the fence. I had to cut it away and get him checked over before I fixed the fence again. When I looked up, the fire was right there. The wind had shifted while I’d been sheltered by the trees.” He sucked in a breath, his voice wobbling again as he spoke. “I dropped everything and sped to the ravine, but Scottie was already there. The fire had passed through. If Scottie hadn’t rescued Macca, he’d be dead.” He choked back a sob and turned in Yindi’s arms. “It would have been my fault. The boss asked me to keep him safe and I didn’t.”
“Scottie won’t blame you.” Nan laid a hand on his shoulder in comfort. “If he had a go at you before, it was because of the adrenaline. Macca’s safe. That’s what’s important.”
The screen door banged shut and all eyes were on Scottie and Macca, holding hands there in the kitchen. He looked… radiant, his smile wide. It was as if all the weight on his shoulders from years of being alone and keeping that part of himself a secret had lifted. Now, he held his head high, his shoulders back. His eyes were filled with a spark that I didn’t think I’d ever seen in him before. It made the shittastic clusterfuck that had just happened seem kind of worth it.
He scanned the room and his expression faltered, the joy there a moment earlier dropping in an instant. “Where are they?” His voice wavered as he pointed first to Craig’s chair then Jono’s.
“Craig wanted out, so Jono’s driving him to Longreach. The rest of us….” I shook my head, unable to fathom why Craig would do it. “Scottie, it makes no bit of difference to any of us who you love. And Macca, you’re a good bloke.” I shrugged, trying to convey my support without coming out myself. It made no difference now, I supposed. Craig was gone. “We’re happy for you.” Ally nodded, tucking in closer to my side.
“Thanks, mate. I appreciate you sayin’ that. But if you’ll excuse us, Pete’s just agreed to move in with me.”
Nan rose and wrapped him in her arms, squeezing him tight. Despite losing a lot of weight this last winter, she was still strong and full of life. The season hadn’t been kind to any of us, but especially not her, the bout of influenza nearly stealing her from us. “I’m proud as hell of you, Scottie.” She reached out for Macca, pulling him close too. “Make sure you treat each other right.”
“We will, Nan.” Macca smiled at her before they swept off towards Scottie’s room, each of them carrying bags, probably filled with Macca’s clothes.
*****
Tea was a strange mix of sombre and light-hearted. Jono was notably absent. The days he missed Ma’s cooking were few and far between. Craig’s absence was like a giant gaping hole in my chest, and I was dreading going back to the cabin knowing I’d be alone there. I was tempted to crash with Den, but he was a grumpy bastard who snored like a chainsaw most nights, so got his own cabin.
