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“I wish he were here. I wish he’d never left. I wish that it was the three of us watching our kids run around. Laughing and living and loving each other.”
“Did you ever tell him?” She cocked her head to the side.
“I don’t…” I shook my head, not having the energy or the will to deny my feelings anymore. “No, I never told him.”
“How long have you loved him?” she asked, lowering her voice even more.
“Years.”
“Oh, honey.” She wrapped her hand around my nape and pulled me to her, pressing her lips to my cheek. I melted into her comfort, wrapping my arms around her waist and holding her tight. “Do you think we can get there?”
“I really want to. I want everything with you. I know Craig does too.”
“Why isn’t he here then? Why isn’t he fighting like you are?”
“Because I was an idiot. A self-centred blind arsehole who just didn’t get that leaving this station meant that I would be leaving the two of you too.”
I tensed. That voice was as familiar as my own. Craig. My heart thudded in my chest. Was I hearing things? Was it ghosts of his memory speaking to me?
Ally’s eyes widened and she shifted, moving so she could see around me.
“Craig?” she whispered, a mixture of joy and anger in her tone.
I still couldn’t turn around. What had he heard? It was one thing to admit to Ally how I felt, but I couldn’t tell him. Not after his reaction to Scottie and Macca. No, if I wanted our friendship to have any hope of getting past this, I needed to keep my trap shut.
“I might have lost my head there for a few days. I’m sorry.” He stepped close and, standing shoulder to shoulder, he wrapped an arm around Ally’s waist, his hand touching my own. “But even though I wasn’t here, but out there”—he motioned over his shoulder in the vague direction of Longreach—“don’t think I wasn’t thinking of being here with you.” He tipped Ally’s face up and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, his lips lingering. It was chaste by all accounts, but watching him kiss her so gently and affectionately made my heart skip a beat. I leaned and ran my nose up her cheek, pressing my lips against her temple.
Ally jumped backwards, instantly putting enough distance between us that it might as well have been an ocean. She bit her knuckle and shook her head, tears springing to her eyes. “No. I can’t. I won’t. You can’t just fuck off then come back here and act like it’s all okay. You left, Craig. You walked away from us. You destroyed all my trust in you. All my faith.” She turned to me and glared. “And you? What, you’re just going to stand there? You tell me you want this, us, and you’re just going to let me be the one who pulls us up? Are you not going to stand up for yourself? Fight for what you want?”
I closed my eyes and hung my head in shame. She was right. I was a coward, but my throat had closed, the words getting stuck. When I opened them again, Craig was looking at her intently. I could see the sorrow in his eyes, the sheer force of will he was using to hold himself back from reaching out to her to beg for her forgiveness. But he respected her space, just like I’d always known he would.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I had no right to come back here. To interrupt you. I had no right to think you’d even want to hear me out.” His quiet words were filled with anguish. “I know I’ve broken us, and that you don’t trust me anymore. I don’t deserve your trust either. But I’ve learnt my lesson. I understand now. I’m not asking for forgiveness, just time. I wanna make this right. Explain what I learnt by walking away, but should have known all along.”
“I don’t know that I can.” Her tears fell in earnest now. She looked at me and I knew. It was partially because of my confession. Because even after we’d worked our way through Craig leaving then coming back, we’d still have a final secret hanging between us. One that could never come out. She wanted me to come clean. But how could I do that when I’d seen his reaction to our boss?
In the grand scheme of things, Craig spent little time with him, whereas we’d slept in the same bedroom for decades. For God’s sake, how could Craig possibly be okay with my feelings when he’d hightailed it outta here after seeing Scottie kiss Macca? I shook my head, silently begging her not to say anything, but also not to leave things between us like this. But there was no point.
“I’m sorry.” She turned and dashed inside, leaving Craig and me alone, my heart beating out of my chest and at the same time shattering into a million pieces.
Craig’s pained groan from next to me had me closing my eyes and clenching my jaw, concentrating all my effort on not reaching for him. Because if I did, I honestly wasn’t sure whether I’d knock him for six or show him how the other half of my heart—the part Ally didn’t own—beat for him.
