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chapter 19
Craig
The three of us shared a bed every night for a week. Every night we collapsed after hours of stroking and licking, sucking and fucking. And making love. It was a new feeling, wanting to go slow and merge together, to share Ally with Sam and for us to cherish her. It hadn’t been awkward either. Much. Sam was holding himself back. He would wait to position himself. He’d withdraw every time my hand got near. It was as if he couldn’t bear to touch me. It wasn’t like we were jacking each other off, but a brush of a hand wouldn’t kill either one of us. I knew it was my fault. I knew I’d been the one to poison us by walking away, but with Ally coming around, I thought we’d be okay.
I wasn’t sure we were.
We sat round the bonfire in the yard, each of us perched on a cut log. Sam was late arriving and there was only one spot left—next to me. He’d hesitated and it’d ripped me to shreds. I hated being the one who’d fucked up our relationship, but I didn’t know how to fix it. The dream I’d had the night before didn’t help things either. The three of us were back in the shed at Hayes Horse Farm. I held Sam close and kissed him, telling him that I wanted him. Ally did the same and much like we’d been worshipping Ally’s body, we wrapped Sam up and loved him.
I’d felt the haze of sleep gradually lift while I rocked into the mattress until Ally’s playful slap to my arse stunned me awake. Sam was fast asleep, his knee bent and his own cock hanging soft across his hip. She’d whispered, “I’m hungry,” and rolled over, presenting her arse to me as she shifted between Sam’s legs. When she took Sam into her mouth, I’d barely had the condom on before sinking into her tight heat. Sam’s eyes flew open, scrambling to hold onto something as Ally worked him over. Then his gaze had locked on mine and I was done for, coming long and loud in her.
Ally had groaned as I pulled out, a sound I now knew as frustrated. I’d urged her up on top of Sam, tossing him a rubber and mumbled a request for him to look after her. He’d suited up, rolled over her, hitched her leg over his elbow and thrust hard and deep into her until she was crying out in ecstasy. Hearing the two of them together—seeing him with her—had flipped a switch in me, reilluminating a dark corner in my head that I’d always put down to teenage hormones.
But I couldn’t deny it anymore. Watching the muscles in his back and the firm globes of his arse contract as he thrust, had me wanting to climb in behind him. I wanted to touch and taste him like I’d done to Ally countless times in the last week. I’d wanted to blurt out the words none of us had said, but we all knew to be true. Except this time, I wanted to tell Sam too, and not just in the “love between mates” kind of way.
I wanted to finally admit that I wasn’t as straight as I’d always persuaded myself I was.
I just didn’t know how.
*****
It was mid-afternoon when the Beamer pulled up. Macca was jumping out of his skin at breakfast knowing his mate was on the way. It wasn’t excitement though. He was worried. Pacing back and forth, looking at the clock on the wall, his lips were pursed and he wore a deep frown in his forehead. Apparently, something had gone down at this Phoenix bloke’s job, and at Macca’s insistence, he’d caught the train home, packed a bag, and driven out of the car park to come straight here. It was a nineteen-hour drive, impossible to do on his own in one day. So, Scottie had insisted he stop for the night and then make the rest of the trip that day.
When he stepped out of the dusty blue sedan, the guy looked defeated. Shoulders bent and head hung low, the bloke looked like he’d been beaten down and was barely standing. Evidently still in the same clothes he’d worn the day before—rumpled grey suit pants, black shiny shoes, and a pale pink shirt with its sleeves rolled up his forearms. His jet-black hair was messy, and shadows darkened under his eyes and his cheeks where his day-old growth was showing.
I was in the veggie patch up a ladder reattaching the split pipes on the overhead watering system, so I didn’t hear what was said, but Macca was hugging him fiercely after a moment and his mate was nodding and rubbing his eyes. There were no introductions made. Instead, Macca led him into the guesthouse and let the door close after him. Macca had said his mate was in dire straits. Hopefully, he could help him sort things out.
*****
Phoenix had been with us for a few days. When Macca had come out of the guesthouse twenty minutes after his mate had arrived, he’d gone straight up to the Beamer, pulled out his jacket, tie, and backpack from the passenger-side seat and taken it all back inside with him. It wasn’t until teatime that we met Phoenix, but even showered, shaved and rested, he still looked like he was teetering on the edge.
I couldn’t help but notice the air of sadness that hung around him. Whatever had driven him to the edge, it wasn’t the only thing going on. I could see in the way he looked at Macca that he was spewin’ that he and Scottie were together. I kind of felt sorry for the bloke.
He was quiet most of the time. But being out here seemed to be good for him. He’d smiled at Nan the day before and laughed at something Ma had said. It was the first time either of those things had happened, and the relief on Macca’s face when it did was palpable. It was kind of nice seeing Phoenix come to life again.
If only the same could be said for Sam. I hadn’t seen him smile for days. It was uncanny how one person could be finding themselves again and the other pulling away before my own eyes. I had no idea how to fix it.
The bonfire we were sitting around didn’t hold the answers, but it sure was fascinating when everyone started walking away, and I couldn’t bear to watch them leave. It wasn’t a big deal when Ally hopped up. She just followed Scottie into the house to sort out some paperwork for the new supplies being delivered. Everyone else kind of petered away too. But it was Sam leaving that was like a kick to the guts. He just stood and walked away. Didn’t even look at me when he left, and another piece of me shattered when he did.
Phoenix hadn’t moved in long minutes, his gaze never leaving the fire licking away at the logs piled into the bonfire. I shifted over, sitting on the log closest to him. “You wanna talk about it?” I was unsure whether it was the right thing to do. I wasn’t exactly known for my sensitivity, but this shift inside me made me want to reach out and clutch at anything to steady myself. Even a good-looking stranger.
I froze, then blew out a quick breath. Apparently when you pulled one brick from the foundation of a lie you’d built around yourself, everything collapsed. A month ago, I wouldn’t have even looked twice at Phoenix, never mind thought he was good-looking. But today… yeah. Not that there was any competition between him and Sam. Sam was… beautiful, if you could describe a bloke like that. Long and lean, with perfect hair and lips that turned up just so when he smiled.
Phoenix swung his gaze to me, then around the fire, surprise lighting up his expression. “They all went their own ways while you were thinking.” I motioned to the empty seats. “Dunno if I’m the right person to talk to, but I’m listening if you want to try me.”
He nodded and gave me a small smile. “What’s the deal with you, Ally, and the tall bloke? Sam? She seems to be close to both of you.”
“Yeah, Sam. We’re together, in our own way.”
“Huh.” He was thoughtful a moment, nudging at a rock with his shoe. “You guys are pretty progressive for country bumpkins.” He smirked at me, laughing at his own backwards compliment. “How’d it go down when Pete and Scottie came out? And for you guys I suppose? Having a gay couple and being poly isn’t exactly run of the mill out here I wouldn’t have thought.”
I huffed out a laugh filled with shame. “There were two problem people when Scottie came out. Bob, the co-op owner, and me. I’ve been here for twelve years and my first reaction was to get the hell outta Dodge when I saw Scottie kiss Macca.”
He looked at me and seemed to see straight through me and into my soul. It was as if he knew exactly how it felt. “You wanted to run, hey?”
“You have no idea.” I picked up a stray twig on the ground and snapped it in half, tossing it into the fire. “Packed my shit and got a lift into Longreach. Realized pretty quickly that I’d fucked up.”
“And you guys are still together? You’re lucky, man.”
