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chapter 20
Craig
I barged through the door, letting it bang against the wall as I pushed through. Sam was on his feet in a split-second, upending the footstool in our makeshift loungeroom as he jumped up.
I sucked in a breath, the pounding of my heart reverberating in my chest like the vibrations from the big bass drum I saw one of the kids in our school orchestra play. “We need to talk,” I spluttered. “I…” I groaned, frustration getting the best of me. How did I say the words? I looked at Sam, at his weary gaze and his arms crossed over his chest like he was shielding himself. My gaze flitted to Ally who’d come to stand beside him, one hand on the small of his back like she was supporting him.
I reached for Sam and he flinched. It was as if he’d sucker-punched me to the gut, but I didn’t pull back. I forced myself to reach for him again, to take his hand in mine. I threaded our fingers together and held tight when he tried to pull away. Sam looked down at our hands and then up to my eyes. I couldn’t read the expression on his face. Some unnamed emotion—fear, anguish, hope maybe—flickered in his eyes and I stepped forward into his space. “Sam,” I breathed, before cupping his face with my free hand and brushing my lips over his, as gentle as the brush of a butterfly’s wings. “My Sam,” I whispered again. “Our Sam.”
I hovered there, breathing his air, our lips a hair’s breadth apart, waiting for him to move. To give me some indication, anything at all, that he wanted this. Instead, he shook his hand out of mine and pulled back, shrinking away from me, and moving into the farthest corner of the room. My legs didn’t want to hold me up anymore. My whole world shifted away with him and I reached for the back of the couch to steady myself.
“What are you doing? Why?” His voice shook when he spoke.
“Craig, what’s going on?” Ally asked, her tone brooking no argument.
“I…” I blew out a breath gathering my courage. “I’ve been lying to myself for years. I’m… Jesus, why can’t I say it?” My breaths were ragged, my vision blurry. It was as if the room was spinning, the floor falling away from me. I was teetering on the edge. My heart raced and panic overwhelmed me. Fear flooded my veins. I must have looked like a wild animal ready to bolt.
“Craig,” Ally said gently, stepping close. “You can tell us. You’re safe here. We won’t hurt you.”
“But I’ve hurt both of you.” I ran my fingers through my too-short hair, failing to grip the ends. “I’ve been so blind. I ran instead of facing up to who I am.”
“When you left?” I closed my eyes and nodded, trying to calm my breathing. “Who are you, Craig?”
“I’m the man who’s in love with you.” I smiled at her and reached out, cupping her cheek. Sam had stepped closer and I reached for him too, holding out my hand and waiting for him to take it. Hoping he would.
“Craig, do you love Sam too?” she asked, and I nodded.
“Yeah, I love you too,” I pledged to him, begging him to understand that I meant as more than friends. “I want to love you like I love Ally.” His face crumbled, tears filling his eyes. In one stride he was in my arms, and I held on tight as he buried his face against my shoulder, fisted my shirt and cried silently.
“I’ve loved you for a lifetime,” he whispered against my throat, his breath ghosting along my skin as he shuddered. His words made me shiver too, made me hold onto him tighter.
“I’m sorry, Sam. I’m so sorry for not understanding how I felt sooner. All those years I thought we were just mates. I didn’t get it. I didn’t see how much I loved you.”
“What made you see it now?” Ally ran her hands over Sam’s back, comforting him too.
“I’ve been dreaming of you both, and this morning, I wanted to touch you, Sam.” I kissed Sam’s temple and he slipped his arms around me. “I wanted to kiss you and hold you. Then I spoke to Phoenix. He asked about us, and when I said we were together, he assumed it was all of us. His words….” I shook my head. “The walls I’d built just crumbled and I saw everything clearly. I can’t explain it. He said he could see how in love we all were. I’d never seen it before. I’d buried those feelings but when he said he saw that I meant something to Sam too, I just… I had to get here.”
“Craig, kiss him. Please,” she urged. “Show him.” Ally stepped back and Sam turned to her. Reached for her. Speaking to him, she smiled. “Let Craig show you, Sam. You’ve wanted this for so long.”
“I want you too, Ally.”
“And you’ve got me. Both of you do. But right now, you two need to connect with each other.” Sam nodded but looked down, away from me.
“Sam, baby, look at me.” I tilted his chin up with my finger and brushed my thumb over his stubbled cheek. His hairs were rough. Prickly from the day’s growth. I brought my lips down to his. Soft lips met mine, trembling in my hold. That first touch, the first gentle press of his lips stole my breath. When he opened to me and I licked into his mouth, our tongues brushing ever so gently, his moan gave me life.
I held him close, cradling his body in my arms. I kissed him like he was water and I was parched from a lifetime of being without. I tasted him and caressed his face, touching him in the way I realized I’d wanted since I was old enough to understand what love was. I kissed down the column of his neck and licked into the divot at the base of his throat. He tilted his head back, giving me more room and clutched onto me. I needed to prove to him I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Ally,” I breathed. “Help me show him.” She was behind him in a second, lifting his shirt up and over his head, pressing kisses to his back and my knuckles as I mapped the muscles of his back and kissed him again. “I love you.” I took Ally’s hand in mine and squeezed gently. “Both of you.”
She came behind me then and pulled my shirt up and over my head, dropping it onto the couch and slipping between us. “Nothing makes me happier than seeing the two of you together. For years I was happy knowing you had each other and now… now you really do.” I leaned down and kissed Ally before Sam did the same.
Pressing my lips to her forehead again, I whispered, “Thank you. For being okay with this.”
“I’ll always be okay with you loving each other. Now, go back to making out. I wanna watch.” She winked, slapped me on the arse and stepped back, waving her hand between us. “Proceed.”
I laughed and cupped Sam’s face again, hugging him tight with my other arm. “S’pose we better put on a show for our lady.” I swallowed. “Um, do you know what you’re doing?”
He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders, grinning. “We can practice. On each other.”
