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chapter 23
Ally
It was hard work, and I was wrecked. But after a day of driving and then a whole lot of physical work, I was glad to be sitting around the crackling fire. Spring was the perfect time of year. Warm enough that we weren’t sleeping in freezing conditions at night, but not so hot that it was dangerous to be outside for more than a few hours. Luckily, the bore we were working near was surrounded by a copse of trees. The bore had been sunk in the early days of the station, when they’d just run continuously, water spilling from the pipes and going to waste. Gramps—our great grandfather—had started capping them. Pops had finished the job, but the water had been running long enough to have established trees with strong root systems growing around the bore. An open tank situated here was good for the wildlife. While predators could wait in the cover of the vegetation, their prey could escape into it too, and it mimicked a desert oasis nicely.
For now, I was enjoying sitting cross-legged on the ground between Craig’s legs with Sam next to us and a small part of my family surrounding us. Scottie was curled up with Macca, both of them whispering conspiratorially together, and Den and Phoenix were toasting marshmallows and passing them around. Jono had sat this one out, his old bones not liking sleeping rough much anymore, and Waru and Yindi were looking after the poddy calves while Ma and Na were looking after them.
“How long do you think you’ll stay?” Sam asked Phoenix.
The other man looked up at the night sky, a million stars lighting up the blanket of darkness floating above us. “Got a message from my supervising partner demanding that I be back before the end of the week.” He poked the fire with the stick he’d eaten his marshmallow off and watched it catch fire, burning slowly.
My gaze clashed with Phoenix’s. “As in the day after tomorrow?”
He nodded, sadness hovering over him like a dark cloud. “I’ll be leaving when we get back. If I get a move on tomorrow, I’ll be back in Sydney early enough to stop in at the office before my boss heads off for the day.”
It occurred to me that I had no idea what he did for a crust. “What do you do?”
“I’m a lawyer.” He sighed, a frown on his lips and a crease marring his brow.
“You don’t look too happy about it.” Craig held up his hand and shook his head. “Sorry, I’ve already said that to you.”
“Yeah, but that’s what I am.” He tossed the stick in the fire and clasped his hands together. “It’s just the nature of the job. We work long hours and are under a lot of pressure. But you’ve got to put up with it if you want to get promoted.”
Sam reached up and twisted my hair around his hand, playing with the strands in the way he knew I liked, and I sighed, melting into his touch. “That’s pretty shitty if you ask me.”
“Yeah, but it’s par for the course. Every one of the elite firms expect it. If you can’t handle the stress, you don’t deserve to be partner.”
My alternative future—the one I thought I’d wanted years ago—flashed before my eyes and I realized how lucky I was to have come home. I didn’t understand it at the time. I thought of myself as a failure, not even mature enough to stave off homesickness, but that wasn’t true. I was glad I hadn’t gotten stuck in that hamster wheel. Those sliding-door moments in life may not have seemed like a big deal at the time, but the choices I made led me here.
Sitting by the fire on a quiet night, wrapped in Craig’s arms with Sam sitting close, I knew that there was nowhere else I was meant to be. I wanted to grow old watching the sunsets and wake up in the morning listening to Hinchey, our rooster, crow. I wanted to live among the stars and see the blue of the sky every day instead of the four walls of an office. I wanted to have babies and love and be loved by the two men I was sitting with. I wanted to watch our kids learn to ride on ponies and swim in the billabong like Scottie and I did as kids. Life was like a revolving door in some ways. I’d come full circle, right back to the place I’d wanted to leave, except now couldn’t imagine ever being anywhere else.
I cleared my throat and spoke quietly, “You know, you could always walk away. Make an alternative future for yourself.” I looked back at Craig and smiled. “Maybe you left because you needed to see your truth reflected back at you before you could see your path.” Craig leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead and I rested my hand on his knee.
Phoenix shook his head. “Yeah, don’t know about that alternative path option for me. This is the only real way for me to get to the top.”
Conversation petered out and we laid down as the night wore on. It was the first time we’d camped out since we’d moved past being friends. Craig and Sam insisted I sleep between them, except, unlike in their cabin, we weren’t sprawled out naked after a night of exploring each other. Still dressed in our clothes from that day, minus as much dust as we could shake off us, we slid into our swags and cuddled close. They kissed me and kissed each other, the three of us settling in just as nearby howls made Phoenix jump up. “S’okay,” Macca said around a yawn. “They’re just dingos.” I smirked. He’d come a long way in the months since our winter muster when he’d been scared of getting eaten by them. “If you hear barking, wake us up. They’re wild dogs or a mixed breed, but as long as we’ve got the fire burning, we’ll be right.”
“Should one of us stand guard?” The panic in his voice rose it by an octave or two.
“Nah, Pete’s right,” Scottie answered. “We aren’t their food source. But I’ve got the rifle here just in case they start causing trouble.”
“I better not get bloody eaten by one of them.” Phoenix huffed and slid his swag a little closer to the fire.
*****
Saying goodbye to Phoenix the next afternoon was strange. The friendship we’d struck up with him in such a short period was unexpected, but more than welcomed. He’d left his mark on this station—especially on us. He’d helped Craig finally work out his feelings and had been nothing but supportive when everything came to light. But now he was heading home to a job that made him miserable and an empty apartment he’d be alone in. He’d watched the man he’d crushed on find the man of his dreams. I was hurting for him; his life was a steaming pile at that moment. But it was also his decision to make.
As we stood on the driveway waving off his blue BMW, I hoped he’d find his happiness.
