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Eddie
Twelve Years Ago
Eddie cried quietly in the room he shared with his two brothers. He was the middle child of five, an older brother and sister and a younger set of each too. But none of them suffered like he did. His brothers were stocky while he was slim and almost delicate. Even his sisters were made of a stouter build than Eddie. And the bullies took every opportunity to remind him of that. Eddie reached up from under his bed, feeling around until his fingertips touched the blanket off his bed that he liked to sleep with. The texture of it—silky and soft—made him feel safe and warm. He pulled the blanket down and rolled as best as he could, wrapping himself up tightly in the confined space between the bottom bunk and the floor.
Eddie tried to block out the pain. It wouldn’t do to tell his parents this time. The last time had made things worse. Now it wasn’t only the constant taunts that hurt, but the bruises too. And they were getting worse.
Duncan had nearly popped his shoulder out this time, twisting his arm behind him and pulling his elbow up. His shoulder had screamed in pain, but Eddie had bitten on his tongue until he’d tasted blood, not uttering a sound while his muscles and probably bones, too, teetered on the edge of snapping. Eddie wished he could say he didn’t know what it was for, but he did. The last time it was because he’d been giggling with Jess, picking out which of the boys in the class above them were cute. Duncan’s older brother, the blond god and sports superstar, was both their number one pick. Eddie had whispered that he’d love for him to be Eddie’s first kiss. Jess had agreed, biting her lip and blushing. She’d pashed her friend Julie once before, but never a boy.
They thought they were quiet, sitting on the floor in the library huddled between the stacks, the big hardback books propped up on their knees like a shield. But Duncan’s sidekick, Harry, had overheard them. He must have been in the row behind because if either one of them had seen him, they both would have scampered away. The two boys were the schoolyard bullies, and Eddie and Jess tried their hardest to hide from them.
It hadn’t worked this time though. They’d waited until after school when the grounds were almost deserted, save for the few students who did art and dance classes.
Duncan’s brother had set his mates on Jess, following her after her photography lessons. The four of them had kissed and groped her until she’d begged them to let her go, her terrified cries echoing through the deserted buildings. She’d been surrounded, pushed from one to the other, her knees grazed and her palms bleeding from being shoved down onto the ground. Eddie had happened on them as he’d been walking to his dance lessons, wandering through the near-empty school grounds. One of the boys had taken a step closer, bending down and pinning her shoulders to the concrete. Eddie had reacted purely on instinct, dropping his duffel and launching himself at them. He’d tried to fight them off, kicking and punching the much bigger boys. That was until Duncan and Harry had dragged him off their older brothers and their mates, pushed him face first into the dirt, and kicked him until it hurt to breathe. He didn’t know what had spooked them or why they’d stopped before they’d killed either one of them, but they had. Whatever it was, it had sent the boys skulking away, leaving Eddie and Jess scared and bleeding on the ground.
Jess didn’t come to school the next day or the day after that. Her mum had called his and explained that Jess was going to start at a different school in a few weeks after her bruises had healed. It was the first time they would be separated for longer than a couple of days since they’d met in primary school. He’d wanted to move away from the secondary school too, but his mum and dad didn’t have the money to get him into the exclusive private one. He’d offered to give up his dance lessons—all of them—for the chance to get him out of there, but his parents hadn’t agreed. Instead, they’d gone to the school and made a big deal out of what had happened. When Eddie wanted to sink into the shadows, they’d dragged him into the spotlight, insisting on meeting with both Duncan and Harry’s parents and making the bigger boys apologize to him.
That was the reason why he’d been pinned up against the brick wall, and his arm twisted until it nearly popped out of its socket. He’d already missed a few dance lessons. Now he was probably going to miss the concert too. He couldn’t dance if his shoulder was buggered.
He knew his parents were worried about him, but their attempts to be helpful were only making things worse. They’d asked his big sister, Maggie, to keep an eye out for him during school. She was three grades above him and took her responsibilities seriously too. She’d want him to hang around with her group of friends so she could mother him. It wasn’t bad enough that he was a loner now and the tiny kid—skinny with soft features and a grace that years of dance lessons had drummed into him. Now he had to hang around with his sister too. As if he needed anything else to get picked on for. Duncan and Harry were already relentless enough.
Eddie cried harder, biting down on the blanket to muffle the noise when he heard footsteps in the room and the door close. A big hand closed over his arm and rubbed gently. “You all right, lad?” his dad asked softly, his voice warm and soothing like hot cocoa.
“Leave me alone,” Eddie whispered, sniffling and trying to wipe away the tears that refused to stop falling.
“Nah,” he huffed. “Come to check up on you.” Eddie hissed but didn’t struggle when his dad gently tugged on his sore arm, shuffling him out from under the bed.
“What’s wrong with your arm?”
“It just hurts a bit.” Eddie cried harder when his dad cradled him in his arms right there on the floor.
His dad sighed. “I’m sorry, son. If we could do anything more, your mum and I would.”
“Please don’t.” Eddie gasped in terror. “They’ll do it again.”
“Same boys, huh?” His dad growled, tensing beside Eddie.
“I’m sorry,” Eddie whispered. He squeezed his eyes tightly closed as he trembled against his dad’s broad form. “I wish I wasn’t like this.”
His dad reared back like he’d been slapped. “Like what, son? You’re smart and fun, and you’re an incredible dancer. You light up the stage when you perform.”
“They keep calling me a faggot. I’m skinny and weak. I’m not like you or Jack or Noah. I’m not like them. Maybe if I was good at football rather than dancing, they wouldn’t care who I liked.”
“Listen to me, Eddie.” His dad shifted Eddie, lifting him onto the bed and sitting down next to him. Grasping Eddie’s good hand, his dad brushed a lock of hair off his face with his other before he spoke. “Dancing doesn’t make you less of a man. Neither does liking boys. Hurting someone does. Those boys who hurt Jess, who hurt you, they’re scared, weak little shites. They’re hooligans.” Then his eyes met Eddie’s, and he smiled. “As for who you like, I don’t care what gender they are, as long as they treat you right. You hear me?”
“They do though.” Eddie closed his eyes as more hot tears fell from them. His lip trembled, and he wanted to crawl back into his dad’s arms. His dad seemed to know what he needed, lying down next to him and scooping Eddie in his arms again, and holding him close.
“I know, son,” he whispered into his hair. “I want to tell you that if you ignore them, they’ll leave you alone, or they’ll leave you alone if you fight back.” He rubbed his big hand up and down Eddie’s back. The small move comforted Eddie more than he could have known. “The truth is that I don’t know what will make them bugger off. But I can tell you this—you are strong. These boys… they’re intimidated by how talented and incredible you are. One day you’ll leave this place. You’ll perform all over the world. You’ll bring people happiness, and you’ll be up on a stage loving every minute of it.” He squeezed Eddie’s hand and blushed. “And maybe you’ll remember this conversation as the time when your old man was the most proud of you.”
“Why?” Eddie scoffed, “I’m lying here crying because I’m scared that they’ll break something next time they get their hands on me.”
“No.” His dad shook his head and smiled. “Because you just came out to me, and that takes guts.”
Eddie opened his mouth, ready to deny it, but he’d said the words. He’d been so wrapped up in how to get away from the other boys that he hadn’t censored himself. He hadn’t protected that piece of him that he’d only ever revealed to Jess. “You aren’t disappointed?”
“Never. You hear me? Never.” His dad’s gaze never left Eddie’s. Never wavered. There was no hesitation in his words either. With a grin and a chuckle when Eddie groaned, his dad ruffled his hair and added, “I’ll give you the safe sex talk another time. But for now, I’ll tell you this—” His voice turned serious, his gaze boring into Eddie as if he was imploring him to understand. “You aren’t alone. Your mum and me, your brothers and sisters—we’ll always be here for you. There’s a whole community of rainbow folk too. You’ll find them, and you’ll see that the insults those boys are throwing around are just stupid words spoken by insecure children. There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to boys, or girls, or both. God made you exactly the way you were meant to be, and we love you no matter what.”
